Its Been Awhile Since My Mom Left
by S9Starbuck
Summary: Chuck and Sarah married and had a daughter. Six years later she leaves without explaining why. What happens when she returns after ten years? Will Chuck and their daughter be able to forgive her? What secrets is Sarah hiding now. Now Complete.
1. Emily

**This is just me trying to get out of my writer's block. I didn't have it beta'd or anything, so if it sucks thats why ;) I also felt like writing an angsty story, and this was the first thing that popped into my mind. Please review, if it gets good ones and requests for more additions, I'll add on to this. **

**Oh, and I am still writing on Chuck vs The Kiss, the next chapter will be coming up soon :)**

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Dad was always sad these days. He'd been sad for the last ten years of my life. He still did his best as my father though, and he was a great father. I knew why he was always morose, I would be too if my wife had left the way my mom had. Well, my husband I mean, I wouldn't have a wife.

Anyway, Dad is always here for me. Telling my great stories about him and mom, letting me know that I am as brilliant and as beautiful as my mother, and reminding me I can do whatever I want in life, because I got both of their determination. He never fails to make me smile. He cooks breakfast every morning, helps me with homework (though I hardly ever need it, and he has a good laugh every time telling my how I got my mother's brain, too) and he keeps the crazy boys away. It's true, I look just like my mom, except with my father's hair color. When I look in the mirror, I see her, and it makes me slightly angry. Why did my father have to see his ex-wife everyday when I entered the room? Why couldn't I look like Aunt Ellie? It'd be so much easier on him.

Dad had never legally divorced my mother. I was small at the time and I don't remember very many details of her departure from the Bartowski household. I just remember them crying, and me trying to figure out what was going on. I've never asked Dad why Mom left, I can tell he doesn't really want to talk about it. He's never gotten over it, either. There are still pictures of all three of us around the house. He still loves her, but I don't really. I barely knew her. I was five when she left, and I remember my clutching on to her as she went out the door. She'd hugged me tight and whispered "I love you" to me, and then yelled at my Dad to take me. I'm not sure if I believe that she loved me, or Dad. What could have possibly happened to make her leave then?

I would never tell Dad I didn't think I loved her though, that would probably hurt him a lot. But my Mom had broken both of our hearts that day, and I had to admit I still held some animosity towards her. I didn't have a mother, simply a father. I was the woman of the house, cooking dinner, keeping the house clean, and having our friends over on weekends. I loved to invite Aunt Ellie, Uncle Devon and my cousins over. We all stayed really close and I wouldn't have it any other way. My cousins were like siblings to me, and all three of us were very athletic, to which my Dad playfully complained about. But, I was my father's daughter, for him and I could spent hours writing software together, making a silly game or creating a helpful product. That was Dad's job, he had his own software company and he made good money. We didn't like living extravagantly, though, I preferred our little 3 bed 2 bath house. I didn't want a mansion and fifty cars, that just wasn't Dad and me.

I was a straight A student. I got my father's intelligence. I also was well taught in Karate and other combat. This was my mom, she started teaching me at the earliest I remember, and my Dad just kept me learning even after she had left. He joked he wanted me to be able to fight off the waves of boys, but, I always felt like he meant more, like there was something in his past that made him truly concerned for me. I would just laugh and pretend I didn't pick up on that though. I didn't want to make him any more uneasy. When Dad needed to tell me something, he would. That was the way we worked.

To be honest, I barely ever missed having a mom. How can I miss something I've never had? But, it hurts each day to see my Dad get that look in his eyes and get that pained smile on his face. It's always my fault. Something I say, or a facial expression I make. It makes me hate that I look like Sarah Bartowski. It makes me hate her a little bit too. My Dad never did anything to make her leave, he only loved her. So why did she leave? I had so many questions, but I couldn't bring myself to ask my dad, to open a very painful and heartbreaking chapter in his life.

So, I mostly asked Aunt Ellie. She knew a lot about their relationship and how "strange" (her words, not mine) it could be. She said when they first met, there was this weird wall between them. They'd be together, then not together. They be moving in together, then they wouldn't. She said it wasn't until after they'd been dating almost two years that they really seemed to connect and their relationship move forward. And for six years they had been fine, Aunt Ellie had never seen someone so happy. But then _Boom! _Mom was gone and Dad was alone with me. I grew up quickly so I could help him. I wanted to make him forget Sarah Lisa Walker Bartowski. I considered her the worst person in the world until I reached 12, and then I realized, she probably had a reason. Who knew why, but even the little I knew about her, she didn't seem like she would just hurt my Dad.

Aunt Ellie always was open to tell me whatever she could about my Mom and Dad. And that's usually where all our conversations go if they can. She's told me almost everything she's known about their marriage and when they were dating. I've come to the conclusion that (based on what Aunt Ellie told me) my mother and father weren't perfectively matched. Aunt Ellie never understood Sarah that much, but she had still loved her.

"Sarah was a good person. I think she really did love your Dad. I don't know what happened, but that's not from lack of asking. Chuck wasn't ready to talk about it then, so I dropped it until he was ready to tell me." Aunt Ellie had told me that once, during one of our long talks. Aunt Ellie was the closet thing to a mother I've known. She's told me all the things a mother would have told me about. All the things Sarah Bartowski should have told me.

I've always made sure Dad never hears me when I cry at night sometimes. It happens once a year, usually on my birthday. My mother has missed ten of those since she left. No cards, no calls. Nothing. She has dropped from the face of the earth. But, the next day I am fine again, not missing her and happy. I only wish my Dad could have it so easy.

I've seen my Dad cry before. Even at movies. But the way he cries at night...that is the worse thing I've ever experienced. I've peeked in at him before, and watched him. I almost cried myself. He misses her all the time. I only wish he could find someone new. I wouldn't care if he formally divorced my mom and found someone new, I have none of the "step mothers are evil" conditioning. Their just people. I would rather my Dad be happy then it just be us two for the rest of my teenage years. So, I have gently prodded him to go and get a date. But he refused.

"I'm not ready for that just yet," he had told me. I just was quiet and finished dinner. I knew my Dad. He was sensitive and caring. He had loved my mom for a long time and he probably would for the rest of his life. But, that shouldn't stop him from at least going on a date. No one said a date had to lead anywhere! He might enjoy it. He probably would.

Anyway, I've been the woman of the house for ten years. The last thing I expected was the return of the original one.

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**I'm so angsty aren't I? Like the story, dislike?**


	2. Chuck

**Okay; you guys wanted a chapter two, so here it is! :) This chapter was beta'd by Wepdiggy (who continues to be awesome) and It explores Chuck's POV. Sorry it isn't very long, but I didn't feel the need to make it more than three pages. :) I got the different POVs idea from rachelanne6791, who said that it would be cool to see the different POVs for each character. You can expect a Sarah POV and an Ellie POV in the next chapters, not sure which order they may come in though, I might wait to write Sarah's last ;). **

**Hope you enjoy, thanks for all the great reviews for the first chapter! **

**Oh, you also find out the name of their daughter, but I renamed the first chapter the daughter's name (I didn't give her a name in the first chapter because I didn't have one, hehe. It took me awhile to find** **name that I thought fit.)**

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Its been awhile since my wife left. I've been heartbroken ever since she chose the CIA over her family, who currently is me and our daughter Emily. Emily's been a trooper since the day ten years ago, when her mother came in from grocery shopping and announced that she was going back to the CIA. She had said it was to protect us, but I think that was just her excuse to get out of a life she didn't want anymore. A life of practically being normal.

That day was the worst one in all my life. I'll never forget that look on her face, the "agent" face. I had pleaded with her to stay, stating she couldn't leave Emily and me like this, especially Emily! She said she had to and had started for the door, we didn't realize until then that our five year old was watching our argument, hearing our shouts and pleads. She knew what was going on; my Emily was bright like that. She had known that her mom was leaving and had tried to stop her too. She had grabbed Sarah's legs, screaming "mommy don't leave me!!" I had burst into tears by then, heartbroken that this was happening to my family. Sarah had tried to get her off, but a desperate child is hard to overpower, because they squirm so much. I had watched Sarah lose all her composure and start crying saying "I love you, Emily, Mommy loves you so much!" She had to practical yell it to be heard over Emily's frantic sobs and she even screamed once when Sarah tried to get away. "Get her!" Sarah had yelled at me, tears on both of our faces. If Emily didn't calm down she was going to hurt herself physically, and she was hurt plenty already emotionally.

I went to Emily and muttered "it will okay" as soothingly as I could, while picking her up. Emily melted in my arms, sobbing viscously (or was that me?). Sarah simply said "I'm so sorry" and left, leaving everything behind. Our daughter, our wonderful life we made _together_, our normal lives, and me. Me, the stupid nerd who always knew deep down inside this wouldn't last. But she had left our daughter! That was the worst. How could she love us if she didn't stay?

Then it had hit me. I distinctly remember Sarah never saying that she loved me. Was it my fault? Did I not love her enough? Not give enough compliments or chocolates on mothers and Valentines Day? Was I source of the problem as usual?

And that's when I started blaming myself for this. She'd left because of me, because of stupid me. And now Emily was paying the horrible price for it!

Emily was the trooper of the family within the second week after Sarah's departure. I had called Ellie right after that and told her what had happened (well as best I could while sobbing the way Em and I both were). Without Ellie, that week would have been impossible. She just stayed at our house, cooking, bonding with Emily (who had seemed eager to bond with a different woman) and she only came in once while I was crying, to comfort me. She had asked why Sarah had left, and I'd simply told her I didn't know and I wasn't realty to talk about it. Truth was I didn't care; nothing was worth leaving the two people who loved you more than anything!

Ellie had eventually gone home once she had seen that Em and I could still function with Sarah gone. I learned how to cook almost everything Ellie could and I learned which colors went with what. I became a single dad. And I was told that I did it well.

Over time my little Em started to get more and more like Sarah every day s her features matured she looked (and acted) like Sarah more each day. She would make the same facial expressions, say something that Sarah would say exactly like Sarah would say it, huff the _exact _same why Sarah would when she was frustrated. I would laugh and tell her that she was so much like her. It was wonderful; she had the brains of me and the looks of Sarah. I'd have to beat the boys off. Em soon became the woman of the house, cooking and cleaning (and always remembering her school) and keeping everything in order. I didn't mind; it was stressful to work like I did and then come home having to cook and keep the house up, Em was so helpful.

I haven't really talked to Em about her mother's departure from the family. It's something I haven't been able to speak about since it happened. I still love Sarah. But that doesn't mean I'd take her back in a heartbeat. No, she was the instigator of enormous pain in this family; it would take a lot for me to trust her again.

I was certain Ellie had told Em all that she knew about Sarah and me. That was just Ellie and Em was an extremely curious girl. But I didn't mind; I just wished I could tell her about the adventures that Sarah and I had back before we were married. After that was when Sarah had "retired" and we started a life. A year later out came little Emily.

She was an accident but we didn't care. We had loved the girl when she was the size of a peanut.

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"Are you ready to be a dad?" Sarah asked, her and Chuck's hands on her belly, where a little baby was growing. It amazed both of them how much they could love a life they had never met nor seen.

"Yeah, actually, I am." Chuck smiled. He felt such joy just from these simple moments. If someone had told him over two years ago that he'd be having a child with Sarah Walker, he wouldn't have believed them. But now, there were no guns, no spies, no FULCRUM agents and no lies. They told each other the complete truth now; Sarah was completely open with him.

"You're going to be awesome," Sarah stated and leaned her head back to kiss him.

"We both will," he whispered back. He knew she was insecure in her mothering skills, but Ellie had told them both it came naturally. "You may not feel like a mom right now, but as soon as the baby gets here something inside of you will just click." She had gushed over how wonderful it was that Ellie's own child would have a cousin. Chuck knew Sarah would be awesome at it. He kissed her again, still savoring the way she tasted.

"I'm so happy, Chuck." Sarah was practically glowing, and it made Chuck grin ever wider.

"Me too. I've honestly never been happier in my life." He squeezed her tighter, and pulled her closer to him.

"Nothing in the world could ever make me leave," Sarah said before kissing Chuck in a way that caused him to react in a way he was sure she wanted.

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I frequently replayed that in my head. She had said nothing could make her leave. _Nothing_. That's what has me convinced Sarah just grew bored with our normal life. That hurt...a lot.

I'd never heard Emily cry or seen her really miss her mom. She'd sort of adopted Ellie as her mother. I was happy Em had developed that bond with Ellie; that way she wasn't just surrounded by me. I didn't think I was very good at the talks that a mother and daughter should share. Neither did Emily from what I could see.

Over time, it got easier to live without Sarah with me 24/7. It never hurt any less than it did the first day, but I had managed to make it pretty well. I still missed her; still wanted to wake up to her every morning; still wanted to come home and tell her about my day. But she'd torn us all apart. How could I trust someone who could do that to us? I didn't think I ever could.

I loved how Emily and I were so alike. She'd gotten my love for fantasy and sci-fi (which Morgan also loved) and my love for all things computers. It made connecting with her so much easier. She was an awesome person, the perfect balance between me and Sarah. I was happy that she had been an "accident", or else I wasn't sure that Sarah and I would have had a child during those six years.

I had loved my girls; still loved my girls. But the last thing I had expected was for my original girl to show up again.

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**Reviews are so welcome its not even funny ;) Did you guys like the angst in this chapter? Or was there not enough? I promise TONS of angst when it comes to Sarah's POV which should be around in the next few days :)**

**I'm starting to feel depressed :P **


	3. Ellie

**I come today bearing fruit :P Here is chapter 3! Yay! lol, anyway, I have decided to push back Sarah's POV for a couple chapters and the actual story will start next chapter. I'm not sure if it will be first person or third person, but most likely third, so it's easier to switch around POVs. So instead of a four chapter cliffhanger I knocked it down to a three chapter one ;) Just for you guys! No, actually, I am a selfish person and did it for myself, but we can pretend right? ;)**

**Again, thanks to Wepdiggy for Beta editing this chapter! **

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It has been ten years since my sister-in-law left. Chuck's really tried to make his life a good one, and I am proud of him. He's always been there for Emily; he hasn't become distant or unfeeling. He's an awesome dad. I'm proud of him and everything he's done since Sarah left.

Just thinking about the day Chuck told me that Sarah had left made me tear up even now; because of how much it paralleled mine and Chuck's own story. Although, I knew Chuck wouldn't pull a Steven Bartowski and leave too. I knew the minute I had picked up the phone that something extremely bad had happened. I had assumed because it was Chuck calling that Sarah had been hurt or something; the last thing I was expecting was to find out she had left. Chuck had told me everything was fine between them not two days before. How could Sarah have done that to them?

Chuck didn't like to talk about it at all. The first week after she had left, I had stayed with them 24/7, taking care of Emily and Chuck while they grieved for the loss of Sarah. I just couldn't understand how someone could do this to Chuck. Had I misread Sarah so much? Had I been victim to such a gross misjudgment of her character? It certainly seemed I was. Chuck hasn't received one card, call, or even note since that day from her. It's like she dropped off the face of the earth.

I was impressed and surprised with the way Emily handled it. She handled it very well. Sure, she had cried the whole day when I came over and most of the night, begging me to tell her why mommy had left. "Was it because of me?" She had asked. It broke my heart. I couldn't imagine ever leaving my own children like Sarah had. I loved them too much. I had quickly reassured Emily that it was definitely _not _her fault. Her mommy left because she had to. What other explanation do you give? Emily had recovered faster than Chuck. She was baking cookies with me and watching Lion King in just a few days. Chuck however, had stayed in his room for _days._ He'd come out, check on Emily and play with her a few minutes. Then he'd make sure I was doing okay, and go back to his room. Just seeing him that week had almost made me cry every time. That wasn't supposed to happen to someone as good as Chuck, or someone as wonderful as Emily. I had honestly thought Sarah was better than that. _Nothing _could have given her right to leave like she did.

But, in a month, their house regained some of its old order and they had started becoming an even more closely bonded family. Emily smiled more and Chuck did too, even though his smile was tainted by a great amount of sorrow. He did his best, and his best was more than enough for the two of them to move on. I had mentioned to Chuck a few years later that maybe he should try dating, but he had quickly shot that down stating "I have the only girl I'll ever need. Emily is my life and I don't want any kind of romantic relationship. I am happy with what I have right now." I had dropped it, deciding he had given me a good enough reason to warrant that. I figured it was just his excuse for not completely moving on from Sarah. It's pretty hard to move on if you haven't got any closure. Plus, my brother was just too kind of a person; he still loved her and probably would no matter who he met. It was just his nature.

He kept photos of the two of them with Sarah around the house, making sure Emily always remembered who her mother was. He kept her informed of Sarah's good traits too and I think that was a good thing. I've never heard Emily say anything bitter about Sarah, not once. I was proud of my brother and my niece; they were exceptional people who had made an exceptional recovery from such tragedy.

It'd made us all very close. Devon and I, along with our children have a weekly custom with Chuck and Emily. Every Saturday we have dinner and watch a movie. Emily has gotten really close to her cousins, which makes me very grateful. We're such a closely knit group it's wonderful. All of us were affected by Sarah's departure from us (some more than others, of course) and we'd all recovered. Life couldn't be much better at the moment.

I have become Emily's motherly figure. She's come to me for things she is uncomfortable talking with Chuck about. Some things that happen in a girl's life are just too weird to be talking with your dad about. And that was where I came in. We have spent countless hours talking about everything that has happened and is happening in Emily's life. I am glad she has this with Chuck too, minus the girly stuff. And even though I am glad her and I have this, I still wish that Sarah could have had this with Emily; the girl is just such a wonderful person, sweet and caring like her father, that Sarah had truly missed out (and still is) on the growth of her and Chuck's daughter.

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"Oh, stop it!" Ellie heard Sarah exclaim happily at Chuck. "Don't make fun of Emily."

"But, seriously! Did you see that face? It looked like we had a Wookie for a baby!" Chuck said between laughter.

"You're so mean," Sarah joked. She saw Ellie come out of the kitchen and held out four month old Emily out to her. "I haven't seen you hold her this evening." Sarah said, smiling. Ellie quickly took the chance to hold the adorable girl.

"Devon, we need to have another one. And make it a girl this time!" Ellie laughed, bouncing Emily gently.

"Right, babe. You only told me a million times how you _weren't _going to have another child after Hunter was born." Devon replied.

"Hey, I said those things under the influence of lack of sleep! They don't count." Ellie grinned. She knew she could win over Devon in a few weeks.

"Ohh, someone is in baby boom mode." Sarah said laughing, while sipping on a margarita that Chuck had prepared for her.

"You bet," Ellie said while playing with Emily. She loved making the little girl smile. She noticed Sarah make a face after her drink. "Enjoying the alcohol?" Ellie chuckled.

"You wouldn't believe how good this tastes after thirteen months of no drinks! This is my first one since I found out I was pregnant."

"Yeah, Sarah's a mini alcoholic." Chuck came back out on the patio laughing. Ellie wasn't sure how Chuck and Sarah had been able to afford the nice house, but they said they had had more than enough to cover it. It was a simple three bedroom two bath house with enough room for a family of four. Ellie smiled. It reminded her of her and Devon's old apartment that Chuck lived in with them, but, it was bigger.

"Ah, see? Now _that _makes sense." Devon stated, looking up from Chuck's grill.

"Yeah, well, if I give her many more of those, she won't be making any sense at _all._" Chuck patted Sarah's shoulder and gave her a loving kiss. Ellie loved seeing them interact; the love they shared was evident in everything they said to each other.

"So, how are you enjoying this house?" Ellie asked, looking down at Emily who was starting to fall asleep. Ellie's own son had fallen asleep on Chuck's couch and was still located there.

Sarah looked back at Ellie and grinned. "I love it! I love the house, the yard," she motioned her index finger in a circle, "I love this patio. And," She looked at Chuck and grinned. "I love the people that live in it with me." Looking back at Ellie she added. "And of course the awesome people that are currently sitting with us."

"Don't forget the little power ranger sleeping on the couch." Chuck added.

Ellie kissed Emily's forehead. "You guys did an awesome job with the kiddo. I can't get over how beautiful she is."

Ellie then heard "She looks like Chuck" and "She's gonna look just like Sarah" exclaimed at the same time. That produced laughter all around. Sarah took Chuck's hand and smiled.

"We're still at an impasse," Sarah laughed.

"I see," Ellie nodded. "I am so glad you guys are happy here."

Sarah nodded. "Nothing could ever make me leave!"

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Those were happier times. Back when Chuck practically radiated joy. It was hard to be around him and _not _be happy. They weren't the perfect couple, they still had fights. I can remember one incident where Sarah and called me and proceeded to tell me how impossible my brother was. But it was _normal_. They hadn't had any major problems preceding her departure. I just wished I could understand why she left. I wish I could talk to her again. While I was very unhappy with what she did and angry with her, Sarah had become my best friend during those years. We would call each other and rant about spouses and children and stupid people at work. Again, all of it was normal.

I wasn't sure what happened with her, or why she decided she was done with the family, but I knew if I got one chance to get my questions answered, I'd tie Sarah to a chair if I had to! This whole family deserved explanations and Sarah needed to give them. I hated not knowing. I wanted to know how she was doing, if she had another family, where she currently resided. But I have had ten years of silence from her, my old best friend. And I hated it, but had given up on ever getting any word from her again.

The last thing I expected was to have that silence broken by none other than Sarah herself.

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**So here you guys go! Hope you liked this chapter and get ready to feel the angst next chapter!**

**If you were being chased by a lion and you thought you were about to die; the first memory to come back to your mind would be "Crap, I was too lazy to review that story that that person wrote!" So, spare yourself the regret. Review please! ;)**


	4. Santa Monica

**Okay, sorry for the delay! Don't hurt me please! ;) I hope you guys like chapter 4! Wepdiggy was my beta reader as usual. **

**This chapter is titled "Santa Monica" after a song that I recently heard. If you want to add to the angsty feeling you get when you read these depressing fanfics than I suggest you give the song by Theory of a deadman a listen ;) It strangely fits my fanfic. Anyway, with out further ado, I present to you Chapter 4!**

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Like I said, I never expected to hear from my mom. I guess I had subconsciously written her off. I was happy with my dad; I didn't need another parent.

So, it all started just four days after my sixteenth birthday. I was already back into my normal routine and I was cleaning up the living room (which Dad and Morgan had dirtied up with one of their video game playing sessions) when suddenly there was a knock...

* * *

Emily jumped when she heard the familiar knuckle on wood contact. She set down the rag she was using to clean the coffee table and went to the door. Looking through the peephole, she saw it was some kind of delivery man. _That's funny. I don't remember Dad ordering anything; I certainly didn't. _

"Hello?" Emily said questioningly, opening the door.. This guy had to have the wrong house.

"Hey there," The delivery man replied. In his hands was a small cardboard box, which fit into the crook of the man's arm with ease. "I have a delivery for you."

Emily laughed. "I think you have the wrong house. I haven't ordered anything," she replied with finality. She knew her dad would have told her if he had purchased something.

The man shook his head. "Nope," He said defensively and read off Emily and Chuck's address. "It says here it goes to Chuck Bartowski."

Emily froze. "Sorry. Um, I'll take it. I just wasn't expecting anything." Emily began, getting ready to take the box.

She was handed the box and then the man left, running back to his van.

She closed the door and went into the kitchen, setting the box on the counter. She could only take two steps away before returning, though, and she stood there staring at it. She picked it up and looked at the address. Sure enough, it read "Chuck Bartowski". The return address read the "Central Intelligence Agency" and had its address as well. She didn't know what her father would have to do with the CIA, but that was definitely who it was from. She wanted to open it, but she knew her father would want to open it himself however.. She opted for a small workout to pull herself away from the strong urge to peek at the contents of the box.

She worked out everyday. She always started it thirty minutes before her dad came home and that always gave her time to finish and start preferred the punching bag because she exerted more energy; it also helped her think.

They'd always had a punching bag around the house for as long as Emily could remember. _Probably another thing I have in common with my mom. _Over the years, when she had something she liked, she just started assuming that if her dad didn't do it then her mom probably did. She _was_ known to have little Aunt Ellie moments, however and those always made her smile.

As she started pounding the punching bag with well placed and powerful shots, a strange memory popped into her head; it was a memory she had all but completely forgotten about.

"Emily, be careful!" Emily heard her mother yell as she started to stand on top of the little rock wall the local park had installed. Emily quickly sat back down; even at barely five years she knew not to ignite the anger of her mother. She watched her mother -who was sitting on a bench nearby watching her carefully- for a moment. Emily loved coming to the park and her mother brought her frequently.

"Mommy! Help me down!"Emily cried out when she realized she had no way to get down without risking a fall.

"Stay still!" Her mother called out, running toward her. "Wait until you're older to climb this wall.," Sarah said as she reached Emily. She stretched out her hands. "C'mon, jump." She grinned.

"No!" Emily's eyes widened and she shook her head vehemently.

"Emily, I'll catch you." Sarah repeated calmly. "I promise -mommy will catch you." She clapped her hands as if that would coax Emily into to jumping. The five-year-old inched closer to the side; the ground seemed too far away. "Emily, you can do it," Sarah said, which somewhat eased Emily's fears. Her mom said she would catch her, so her mom would catch her. Emily jumped into Sarah's awaiting arms.

Sarah laughed and hugged Emily close. "Told you," she said and kissed her cheek.

Emily grinned. "Play with me, mommy!" She ran for the swings that had many people crowded around them. It wasn't until after she reached a swing and turned around that she realized her mom wasn't behind her; in fact, she was _nowhere _in sight. "Mommy?" Emily yelled, panic starting to enter her voice. "Mommy!" She took off back to the bench, only to find a new woman located on it. So, she ran back to the rock wall, her heart pounding in her ears and tears coming to her eyes, threatening to spill over. "Mommy!" She screamed it this time and started crying.

"Emily! What's wrong?" Sarah came and scooped up her daughter, holding her close.

"I couldn't find you, Mommy, I couldn't find you!" Emily could barely speak through her sobs.

Sarah pulled away to look Emily in the eye and said, "Emily, I promise you; Mommy will _always _be with you, even if you can't see me. I'll always be making sure you're safe. I love you and that is what mommies who love their girls do." She kissed her forehead and wiped away the tears on Emily cheek. "Even if you can't see me, I promise I am always watching you."

Emily remembered them going for some ice cream after that and then Sarah taking her home to meet up with Chuck. _Why can't it still be like that? I mean, not the crying in the park but me knowing she loved me and was sticking around? Damn you, Sarah Bartowski! _

It was then Emily realized she was crying. The raw emotions she had felt as that little five year old still caused an ache in her chest. That had been just weeks before her mom had left, leaving Emily and her dad all alone.

She knew she should have started dinner before working out and now it was too late; so she went to the phone, wiping away the tears on her cheeks and placing an order for pizza. When she was finished she got out some plates and a couple of glasses for water. Her eyes found the package again and she was again tempted to open it.

The front door creaked and Emily turned quickly, hoping her dad was home; which was not the case. She could have sworn she heard the doorknob turn and the door open. _Freaky. _She directed her thoughts towards dinner. _I wonder what kind of pizza mom liked. _She froze. _What the heck? I never think things like that. _She shook her head. She couldn't start getting emotional about this now just because she remembered her mom and her at the park. She had to get herself together.

She went back to the door and looked out the peephole and sighed when she realized it was nothing. She looked at the clock; her dad would be home any minute now. As she went back into the kitchen something caught her attention out of the corner of her eye. She thought she saw a person darting into the back. She swallowed and started down the hall. It was silly to think anyone was in the house she knew, but still, she had to be careful. She first peered in her room and saw everything was normal. Then she froze; she was positive she just heard something from her dad's room. Did he maybe sneak past her and get to his room? That would be like him, to try and scare her.

She crept forward, keeping herself clear of the wooden boards that squeaked. She had memorized them so she could go through the hall without waking her dad, who would jump at the lightest sounds sometimes. She peered around the door jamb of her dad's door and was prepared to see her dad, trying to scare her. But she saw no one and she sighed. _I'm crazy. _She shook her head, going back into the kitchen.

Then suddenly she let out a girly yelp of surprise and Chuck Bartowski roared with laughter. "Dad!" Emily huffed and went into the kitchen, shooting him a look that told him he was on thin ice. He was still laughing.

"I'm sorry, Em; but I just had to!" He said and started laughing again, following her into the kitchen. "What were you doing back there anyways?"

"I thought you had snuck in and were trying to scare me." Emily rolled her eyes as he laughed. "Anyway, there was no one in there."

"Did you see someone?" He asked; Emily could immediately tell that he was trying to keep the edge out of his voice and keep it light.

"No," Emily snorted. "Apparently I was looking in the wrong room. You are so mean!" The girl finally laughed to let him know she didn't mean it.

He chuckled and went into the hall, taking off his coat and going into his bedroom. Emily wondered if he were actually looking to make sure no one was in the house. "Are you okay, Dad?" Emily called out to ensure he heard her.

"Oh, yeah!" Chuck replied. "I'm hungry though! Where's my dinner woman?" Emily laughed; they often had playful banter like that.

"I just ordered pizza," Emily said, grabbing the package on the counter. "Dad, you need to see this." She reached the box out towards Chuck and he took it.

"What is it?" He asked, his expression turning curious.

"Its-" She decided to just let him see for himself and stop talking. Chuck's jaw dropped and Emily saw his hand holding the package visibly shake. She was going to laugh, but his expression told her that he was scared to open this. She had thought the two of them would have a laugh about it and then see it was some charity thing or _something _that wouldn't freak her dad out.

"When did this get here?" He asked, sinking down into one of their barstools at their small kitchen bar.

"Not too long ago. Why would they send you something?" She didn't like it when her dad didn't answer her. "Dad, why would you get something from the CIA?" She asked again. She didn't understand why it was a big deal; her father hadn't had anything to do with the CIA ever.

Chuck grabbed his pocket knife that he always kept on his belt and cut the top of the box. Opening it, he quickly grabbed the contents (a piece of paper) and unfolded it. His expression was unreadable, but quickly turned so pained that Emily gasped.

"What is it, Dad?" Emily asked; her pulse quickening.

"No," was the only response she got. He covered his eyes and dropped the paper on the counter. Emily quickly snatched it up and read the words that had caused such a reaction from her dad. _Dear Mr. Charles Bartowski, we regret to inform you that Sarah Walker Bartowski was killed in..._Emily jerked her eyes up to her father, who's hands still covered his eyes. She went back to reading the letter. Her mother had died just days earlier and had requested that Chuck be told if it happened. Her mother was _dead_?

Emily didn't know what to feel. This had _not _been what she'd been expecting. Her mother was CIA? When did that happen? Had she been CIA all along? Her eyes began to tearup, more at the sight of her dad on the verge of crying than the news she'd just received. She wanted to ask him so many questions, but now was not the time. She put a hand on her dad's arm. She didn't know what to say.

Chuck stood up and gently hugged Emily with one arm and then went into his room, closing the door behind him. Emily just stood there, holding the letter in the sudden silence. She suddenly wasn't hungry. She looked back at the letter, tears in her eyes. She didn't know why this made her so sad; her mother had left her! She'd forsaken her dad and Emily, so why did she suddenly want to go into her room and cry? It had to be because her father was so crushed. He still loved Sarah and now she was dead. Why had Sarah wanted them to know if she died? They'd been better off not knowing.

The pizza arrived and Emily paid for it and set it on the counter unopened. She went into her room and laid on her bed. She was actually really tired and started to drift when a random though went through her head.

"_Even if you can't see me, I promise I am always watching you."_

* * *

**Okie dokie, so Sarah is dead ("yeah, right, duh Starbuck you already gave it away that she was coming back!" "Oh crap that's right!") okay so Chuck and Em _think _she's dead, which she isn't (that was for those Charah fans that might just murder me if I had made her dead, but that kinda defeats that whole story I've been building hasn't it? Its elementary, Dear Watson! (Okay, shutting up now ;) ). Remember to review, cause if I find out you read this chapter and didn't review then flying monkeys will attack you tomorrow...and I mean it :P**


	5. Dreaming With A Broken Heart

**Okay, Chuck POV this time around :) Hope you guys like this chapter! There probably won't be another chapter over the weekend as I have a wedding to go to on Saturday. So, enjoy this one ;) Next chapter should be longer (sorry for the short chapters but that is just the way everything is playing out at the moment) because some of you are wanting longer chapters. So, I shall do my utmost best to make the next one longer (which shouldn't be hard). **

**Wep beta'd this as usual. If you haven't read any of his fics, I strongly suggest you do (they are that awesome ;))**

* * *

At this time, I had no idea what to feel. Emily would no doubt be asking me a ton of questions as soon as I came out of my room. Why did we get a letter? I didn't think that the CIA sent regret letters. I guess I was wrong. My head was spinning. Reading that letter had been like being stabbed with a hot poker in the heart. Emily hadn't seemed that affected, which I couldn't decide if that relieved me or made me regretful. What hurt the most was that I had never gotten to see her again; she was gone forever. I'd never get any answers.

Little did I know then that this adventure was only beginning...

* * *

Chuck had finally been able to make the tears stop. It still killed him to know that her light had been extinguished, that she'd never smile again never laugh again or breath. Even though she'd hurt him like she did, the last thing he wanted was for her to die. He hadn't even wished Bryce would have died. Not once. He sniffed and looked at his clock, it was half past nine. He'd been in his room for two hours.

Shaking his head, he sat up. He had to get something to drink; had to do something to try and ease the pressure in his throat. He slowly came out of his room, hoping to see Emily in bed. He inwardly sighed when he saw she was still up, staring at something that came in the box.

"Hey, Dad." Emily offered him a strained smile. "I found some other things in the box." She held it out towards him and he took the small package. He peered inside it and forced himself to swallow. In the box laid a few photos and a small note. Emily sat down in a barstool and ran her fingers through her hair.

"I didn't read the note. It's addressed to you." Emily stated and Chuck hugged her with one arm, not really having anything to say. He hoped he communicated his gratefulness in the hug. He pulled the photos out first. There were three. One was of Chuck and Sarah just after they'd been married. Sarah had repeatedly told him that this picture was one of her favorites. The next was a picture of the two of them while Sarah was pregnant, both with giant smiles on their faces and both of their hands on her belly. _Another favorite. _His eyes began to tear up again, at seeing the happiness on their faces. The third was a picture of Chuck and Emily; Chuck, and what Chuck would estimate was a one year old Emily lying in the master bedroom's bed, with him tickling Emily (who's face was covered in a large grin). He handed the photos to Emily and grabbed the note.

"I can't believe she kept these." Emily said, holding the pictures as if they were precious. Chuck didn't answer, in fact he barely heard her through the pounding in his ears as he opened the note. He was half scared to, not knowing what it might contain. _I'm sorry. I love you. I'm so sorry. _He read the words at least ten times before the emotion behind them hit him. He nodded to himself, putting the note down and taking the photos off the counter where Emily had set them. He put the note in front of her and she read it, understanding that he was giving her permission.

"Maybe she was really sorry." Emily said. Chuck noticed it was in a strange tone, as if she was torn between forgiving her mother and saying "good riddance" at her death. He noticed the neglected pizza box.

"Are you hungry?" Chuck asked, going for the box.

"Yeah,"

"Let's eat."

* * *

Chuck wasn't able to sleep. It was eleven and he was usually passed out by now, due to his having to get up early in the morning. He sighed and turned onto his side, facing the still vacant side of the king size bed. That was the wrong move; emptiness and a sudden surge of loneliness swept through him. There was a time in his life he knew exactly what he wanted. A life with Sarah, with kids in the yard, a dog, and cozy house. Now that Sarah was gone he didn't know what to do anymore. He loved Emily, but there was this sense of direction that lacked in him. Sometimes he felt like he couldn't even tell up from down.

He should have listened to Sarah and not purchased this bed. She had told him it was a waste that they'd still end up cuddled together at night and so all the space in the bed was not needed. "People only get these if they don't want to touch the person next to them." she had joked. But he bought it anyways and it had come in handy back when Emily would sleep with them. That didn't last long however as Emily was independent and wanted to sleep in her own bed. Chuck smiled at the memory of Emily pointing at her own bed and making various sounds (that Chuck called baby-elvish) and quickly letting them know she liked her child size mattress better..

Suddenly he hated this bed. He wondered if he should just get a twin or a double or something like that. Maybe if there was less space, he'd feel less alone. He sighed and looked at the clock again, not even beginning to feel drowsy.

_Okay, it's midnight and I am lying here thinking about beds. Seriously! I need to get myself together. Sleep, Chuck. Sleep! _He pounded the bed with a fist in frustration and rolled out. _Screw it. _He left the room and flicked on the kitchen light. Opening the fridge, he saw some milk and in a last ditch effort he drank it straight from the carton.

"You're supposed to warm it up first," Chuck jumped and nearly dropped the carton of milk. He smacked his head on the fridge while jerking back to see who had spoken. Alarm filled him. That wasn't Emily. He set the milk down on the counter and turned around to see who had spoken.

"What the hell are you doing in my house?" Chuck hissed, his body stiffening. A man stood right at the bar, smile on his bearded face and dark clothes on. His black hair curled around his face and his bright blue eyes shone in the kitchen light. He sported a vest that held two knives and a gun was holstered on his hip.

"I'm sorry for intruding. But I'm here because of this." He grabbed the regret letter Emily had left on the counter and held it up to make sure Chuck knew what he was talking about. "Where is she?" He asked, his tone turning less polite.

"What?" Chuck exclaimed, his heart pounding. The man before him growled and took out a knife from inside his vest. He pointed it at Chuck.

"I'll only ask one more time," the intruder began. "Where is Sarah Bartowski? Or Sarah Walker as she is still known in the field. I know she has contacted you now where is she?"

Chuck's glanced at the kitchen counters. There was nothing except pots and a pan he could use for self defense. He remembered seeing Sarah use them once, so he knew that they could be useful. "Are you an agent?" Chuck asked, trying to stall for time. _Please God don't let Emily come out. _Chuck silently prayed.

"Did I say you got to ask questions? Answer me, or there will be consequences." The slightly shorter man replied, a crooked smile crossing his lips and his eyes flicked toward Emily's door.

"Don't you dare hurt her," Chuck snapped. He was helpless! There was no Casey and definitely no Sarah to save him. He was alone; how could he stop an agent (if that was what he was)? He no longer had an Intersect to flash with, and so he was useless to defend himself and Emily. This man before him could probably kill Chuck before he could blink.

"Then answer me!"

"Sarah's dead! Okay, I got that letter today and she's dead! I don't know what you want. Now please, leave us alone. Don't hurt anyone." Chuck looked at him with pleading eyes.

"Bartowski, my surveillance caught Sarah here earlier today. Don't give me the "she's dead" crap. I will hurt you."

"I haven't seen her in ten years, okay? She left me and I haven't seen her since. Whoever you saw must not have been her and I promise I haven't seen anyone!"

Suddenly a knife was flying straight for Chuck, he cringed and closed his eyes, starting to duck down when the knife struck the clothing of his shirt and stuck into the refrigerator. Cold air instantly started seeping onto Chuck's neck. "Stop lying. Perhaps I haven't made myself clear enough." The man snapped and Emily was brought out of her room.

"Dad?!" Emily cried out. Her eyes were a mixture of fear and confusion.

"Let me properly introduce myself. My name is Smith." The intruder said, coming around the bar and approaching Chuck. "And this one," he gestured toward the one who had tied Emily's hands behind her back "is Jim." Smith came just within a range of Chuck that (by Chuck's estimations) was close enough for Chuck to grab a pan and hit him on the head.

Chuck went for the pan and had just felt his hands close around the cold metal when a sharp pain in his stomach made him drop to the ground. Smith's foot came back to the ground and Chuck decided he must have just been kicked. "Bartowski, make this easy on yourself. Where is Agent Walker?"

Chuck's eyes met Emily who gave him a half concerned half "what the hell is going on" look. "I don't know where she is." Chuck said to Smith, keeping his eyes on Emily trying to be comforting. He didn't want Emily to know about all this: the other life he had once that was full of lies and secrets and guns and shootouts and too many things to mention.

Another well placed kick found Chuck again, except this time it connected with his forehead. "Dad!" Emily screamed. "Somebody help!" Jim closed his hand around her mouth and made a pained sound when Emily bit down on his index finger.

"Shut her up!" Smith cried and turned back to Chuck, gripping the hair on the back of Chuck's head. "Do you want me to make this serious? Okay then!" He took out another knife and turned towards Emily and seemed to take aim.

"No!" Chuck yelled. Smith brought his arm back and began to throw it forward.

A gun shot rang out.

Jim dropped, the gun he was holding going off and striking the kitchen light. Darkness flooded the room, the only light coming in from the window.

Smith turned and jumped out the kitchen window before the next shot could hit him. "Dammit!" Chuck heard a woman's voice exclaim and he jumped off the floor to see who it could be. He had thought the voice sounded familiar, that the "_dammit_" had sounded just like someone else he knew. Nothing on the journey from the floor to his feet could have prepared him for the site before him.

Chuck and Emily's savior came closer and light spilled onto her face, revealing her features.

"Oh my god," Emily breathed and Chuck barely heard her due to the large – now dead – man lying on top of her.

"Sarah?"

Chuck's mind suddenly went blank. _You're home?_

* * *

**Yay Sarah's back!! Expect Sarah POV (unless I decide to make you guys wait another chapter, which has a .01% of happening so don't be too worried about it ;) ) As always, reviews are the writer's candy and I like candy, so, review :P If you don't I'll make Sarah's POV wait a chapter *evil laugh*.**


	6. Sarah

**Okie dokie peoples! Chapter 6 is finally ready! :D I am pretty happy with this chapter and hope you will be too! The long awaited Sarah POV is finally upon you! Yay! [insert loud applause] I added a nod to Get Smart (just spelled it different) and I have to say I was surprised no one mentioned the nod I gave to the Matrix *sighs* oh well. :P**

**Wep beta'd this as usual :) [Insert more applause and loud whistling]**

**Thanks to Jimmy-J105 for being sorta like my guinea pig and reading the raw version of this chapter and giving some very helpful comments! I'm surprised his eyes didn't start bleeding at seeing my grammer ;) Thanks Jimmy! [More applause] (Okay, my applauder's hands hurt ;) )**

**So without futher ado...Enjoy!**

* * *

Its been awhile since I left. Ten dark years to be exact; years filled with depression and sadness. I had to see my daughter grow up from a distance. I had to see her begin to look more and more like me, the the mother she barely knew. I have had so many pictures of them playing together, of her first day of school, and every single birthday I've missed. Of course I always had to destroy them, but not before I had stared at them long enough to memorize every detail. My heart would always ache as I burned the photos but I had to for their protection. Because that is who I am; I'm the protector, the guardian, the tormented soul. All three sum me up.

I've never regretted the decision I made that day; I've just regretted that I didn't do it differently. We had enjoyed an awesome life. I had never cared that we had the house, the cars, and the nice amount of money in our bank account. What I loved was our family. Mine and _Chuck's_. Even after all we had been through together, we were still able to make our dreams happen.

But damned if the CIA didn't disrupt our lives again! And with threats no less! I had needed to act fast to save Chuck from that life again and the bunker that had been prepared for him. Chuck didn't deserve a damn bunker! He deserved the life he always wanted, even if it wasn't with me. I knew that he wanted to share the rest of his years with me; he thought I was the only woman he could really love; but he was better than that, better than me, and was damn better than the CIA. I had thought he would move on.

Ten years later, he's still single and standing in front of me. Did he move on? The fact he is still single would suggest otherwise but I know Chuck, he would just as soon decide to be single the rest of his life than open himself up to another woman. How much does he hate me? How much does _our daughter_ hate me?

The life Chuck had made for Emily made it easier to bear the weight of my decision.. She was perfect: his hair, his mind (yeah, I had shamelessly gotten a copy of all her report cards and she was just as smart as Chuck). I only wished she looked more like him; even _I _couldn't deny how much she looked like me. The eyes, the facial structure, the slenderness of her body. It was strange seeing someone who looked almost just like me. I think she has Chuck's mouth though.

I had decided they were better off without me.

That was still true wasn't it? Here I was again, ruining Chuck's life, bringing chaos. Why was I here? Oh yeah, because I am a selfish person and had finally finished my "contract" with the CIA which was really more like a prison sentence. But, the CIA had decided to stick it to me one more time. Why the hell had they done that? I guess they decided to give me one last mission. I never hated the government more than now. There was no way they didn't know this would happen; they had knowingly put Chuck and Emily in danger and now I swear someone would pay. They had let him find Chuck and Emily. I'd take down the president if it only meant Chuck and Emily would be safe. My family needed to be safe.

My family? Were they even that anymore? On my end, of course; but on theirs? Did they even care to know me? I had been forbidden to tell Chuck why I had to go; I'd been given the "top secret" crap. Poor Chuck.

I still had nightmares about that. The way Chuck's face contorted with pain with I whispered "I'm leaving you, I'm joining the CIA again.", the way Emily screamed for me to not go (which is the worst torture a mother ever has to endure and I've been through the worst), and the way I had to yell for Chuck to get her off me. Except, at the end of my dream; they always died. Always and in various ways. Assassins, car through the living room, gas leak, explosion. So many different ways it would take me hours to tell them all. And I always watched them die, with no injuries to myself. I would wake up screaming every night.

My days had been easier; filled with agents, shootouts, death and the usual destruction. My days were filled with too much craziness for me to think about Chuck and Emily often. But I always made up for lost time during the night. I'd probably cried my own weight in tears (plus a hundred) over the last ten years.

The absolute worst assignment I had ever been given happened five months after I left. A seduction of a man named Charles (as if that wasn't bad enough) Hartford. He was involved in some black market shipments and was a suspected agent of an unknown agency that we called CHAOS.

* * *

"Having second thoughts, Walker?" Tobias Granger asked. He was her newest partner; the last being killed during a gunfight with CHAOS agents.

"Shut up and get to your post," Sarah snapped, not wanting to have to deal with his gruff persona today. He was just like Casey, except she didn't like him as much. She would have sworn that Tobias resented her for trying to have a normal life, getting married and having a child; well she didn't give a damn what he thought.

"You got it...Johnson?" Tobias said, fishing for a response from Sarah. He would often use random last names when talking with Sarah to see if he guessed her former last name.

"Not even close," She slammed the door to her hotel room in his face. She hadn't even invited him here and she hated it when anyone came to her rooms. She turned and put a hand to her belly, where she felt butterflies. She wasn't ready for this, not by a long mile. A seduction just after five months of her separation from Chuck? The CIA was run by sadists. And the man's name was Charles...what the hell?!

She grabbed the gown that she had been told to wear. It was a deep red color and would probably come down to flow gently against the floor when she wore it. Looking at the front of it, she realized it was much like the dress she wore to the party that she, Chuck and Casey had attended when Chuck had tangoed with La Ciudad. A now familiar pain made her throat tighten.

She quickly put it on and applied perfect make-up, just as she was trained to. She tried to concentrate on it because she would catch her mind wandering back to her husband. _I'm doing this for him. Stay focused, Sarah. _

Tobias was waiting for her downstairs. She was greeted with a less than cordial grunt. Did the CIA assign him to her _because _he was so much like Casey? She absently wondered what the burly man was doing these days.

If it had been Casey, she would have made a remark. But with Tobias, she was just quiet. She didn't like him; he didn't like her. End of story.

A few innuendos and Grey Gooses later, Sarah was in Charles' bed. Their lips were crashing against each other and he was sliding his hand down to her zipper, signaling her he was ready to start. She could feel his lust in his kisses and she did her best to make it seem like she wanted him too. She felt him hesitate at her zipper, as if he knew she wasn't really into this but Sarah couldn't let this mission fail and so she forced herself to grin and turned, giving him full access and visual of her back. She was suddenly glad she had turned around, when tears sprang to her eyes. He was so gentle for being involved in dirty business and he was a lot like Chuck in the way he walked and things he said. Some would think that made things easier, but that was not the case; it only made her more aware that she was cheating and no matter how noble her cause was she was worthless now. Worthless because she was going to sleep with this man.

She forced herself to remove the pained look from her features and replaced them with her most seductive expression. She had heard of women just going blank when they were having sex when they didn't want it and she wondered if that would happen to her...she hoped it would.

Her dress was off now and Charles turned her around to face him again, kissing her gently. Sarah moaned against his lips, wishing they were Chuck's. _Damn you, Director Hardy. _Hardy was her new director; he assigned her missions and was right now expecting a briefing of how this mission went tomorrow morning.

Her mind didn't go blank. She was painfully aware of everything that followed that night. She should have had more vodka. But it worked, the idiot had actually given her the info she needed and she was able to download a series of emails between Charles and another contact for CHAOS. In Hardy's eyes that was mission accomplished; in hers, that was mission _failed_. She just cheated on Chuck, something she had sworn to herself and _him _that she would never do.

She left his hotel room as soon as she had gotten the info. After the briefing she made her way back to her room and ran to the bathroom, putting her head over the toilet and vomiting. She used to be able to control her body, but she was just so sick to her stomach with what she'd just done. She'd been fighting nausea the whole briefing and could fight no longer. She pressed her head to the rim of the toilet seat and began to cry, filled with intense hatred of herself and the CIA.

"I'm so sorry, Chuck." Her shoulders shook ever so slightly. "I'm so sorry." Then she vomited again.

* * *

After that, when Hardy had tried to assign me another seduction a few months later I refused. I told Hardy I couldn't do it. Tobias had made comments about my being "soft" but I didn't care. I was never going to do that again. So that was my first (and last, as far as I was concerned) time to cheat on him. I still had to block out that night, which I had nightmares about too. In my dreams Chuck always caught me, and I'd try to tell him I hadn't wanted to; but, he would never listen, he would just scream at me.

And now Smith had attacked Chuck and had been going to hurt Emily. No way in hell was I going to let him hurt her. I had just arrived (I had come to the house before, but when I only saw Emily there, I slipped out the back because I didn't want to face Emily first) when I saw him kick Chuck and I had nearly flipped then. They were never going to hurt him again. I had meant to shoot Smith, but damned if Jim hadn't leaned into the way! Then in my haste and surprise I missed my best chance at killing Smith.

What a great way to reintroduce yourself to your daughter: killing a man and attempting to off another right in front of her. What would she think of that? If she was like Chuck (well, the Chuck I first met) she probably wouldn't.

Seeing Chuck face to face again after ten years turned out easier – and harder – than I had expected. Easier because I was able to just do it, standing in front of him was easy; yet harder, because I didn't know what to do or say. How does one speak to someone they've left like I did? It's not like I can just say "Hey, how are ya?" or anything like that. I couldn't even read his face.

Seeing Emily – or rather Emily's head poke out from under the large man who'd fallen on her – was hard. My fear tightened my stomach into knots, afraid of what she would do. Would she hate me? Scream at me? Ask me to leave and never return? I prayed not, but I can't see how they can forgive me.

Morgan once said that if Chuck was Han Solo, Bryce was his Fett. Well, if Chuck was Duncan Idaho...I was his Alia.

* * *

**What exactly happened to Sarah during her "contract"? Is there more to her story than what you learned this chapter? You bet. What will become of Smith? Why does he want Sarah? Will Chuck and Emily forgive her, or will they "give her hell" (sorry for the reference to the AAR song, that is what happens when I listen to the radio while writing these fics)? All this and more will be revealed one chapter at a time...anyone get who Duncan Idaho and Alia are? I just had to add that nod into my fic. :)**


	7. Bloodbank

**I present chapter 7! Yay! Thanks again to Wepdiggy and Jimmy for just being plain awesome and thanks for reading this fic as well. I also thank all of you who take time to review to give me your thoughts and encouragments. They really motivate me to write fast :) The song I listened to while writing this chapter is Bloodbank by Bon Iver (who are really good and just have great music). Anyways, hope you enjoy!**

* * *

_That secret that you know_

_But you don't know how to tell_

_It f—ks with your honor and it teases your head_

_but you know its good girl_

_cause its running you with red_

…

Sarah felt like someone on trial, facing the jury about to find out if the ruling was guilty or not. Chuck stood in front of her, motionless with unreadable expression on his face.

"Chuck," Sarah started, letting her hand –which was still holding the smoking gun- slide down to her side. She had to get them out of this house; it was no longer safe for them. "I need to get you out of here." She tried to convey the severity of the situation with her eyes, as Chuck had always had a gift for reading them. Chuck suddenly shifted and pushed Jim off of Emily.

"Em, we need to go!" He exclaimed and pulled her off the ground. "Get some stuff together." He stopped and looked at Sarah. "Do we have time?"

Sarah nodded. "Yes," Chuck pushed Emily toward her door gently.

"Go and get some clothes," He called as he disappeared into the master bedroom.

Emily stood her ground, staring at the dead man on the floor. Blood was pooling around him and his eyes stared towards the ceiling. Sarah swallowed hard; she didn't know what to do. Her daughter had just seen her kill a man and now Sarah was just standing there dumbly, trying to figure out what to say. Thankfully, Chuck saved her.

"Emily!" Chuck emerged from the bedroom. Sarah was surprised at how forceful he sounded; how he communicated exactly what Emily was supposed to do and how quickly she was supposed to do it in one simple word.

Emily's eyes flicked to the gun Sarah was holding and for the first time in ten years her eyes met Sarah's. "You killed him." Emily's eyes told Sarah how shocked and horrified she was. Sarah had to get Emily moving; it could be minutes before Smith came back again and most likely with reinforcements .

"Chuck, Emily, we _have _to go." Sarah almost pleaded. Chuck put an arm around Emily.

"Emily, I know it's hard. Get your stuff; we'll talk about it later." Chuck disappeared back into the master bedroom and Emily into hers. Sarah walked to the door to the master bedroom and paused at the entrance.

"Need help?" She lamely asked. _God, I am such an idiot. _Chuck met her gaze, stuffing shirts and a few pairs of blue jeans into a medium sized duffel bag. Sarah could have sworn he almost laughed.

"No," He said. "What happened back there? Ten years I've been able to live normally and then suddenly I'm kicked and threaten with knives. Then suddenly you're here and..." he trailed off from his nervous babbling. Sarah had missed the way he would babble.

"I can't explain right now, Chuck, we just have to go." Sarah said softly, "I will answer questions when we get somewhere safe, okay?" She wanted to grab him right now, hug him tightly and tell him over and over again that she loved him and never wanted to leave him. But she had to get them safe.

"Okay," Chuck zipped the bag up and came up to the door attempting to exit. After sharing an awkward moment of side stepping in front of each other and trying to get out of the way, Chuck passed Sarah and he went into Emily's room.

"Ready?" He reached out his hand and Emily took it.

"Let's go," Sarah stated. "I have a car outside."

"Where are we going? What's going on?" Sarah heard Emily ask. "Dad!"

"Emily," Chuck began softly as they reached Sarah's car. "Settle down. I'll explain everything later."

Sarah quickly scanned the area, pistol in hand. After seeing nothing to lead her to believe there were any bogies in the area, she unlocked her car and slid in. Chuck and Emily followed. As Sarah pulled the gear shift into first accelerating to an almost uncomfortable speed, she pulled out her phone.

"Hardy, secure." She heard the familiar voice of Director Grayson Hardy fill her ear.

"Sir, a son of a bitch just showed up at my _house._" _Where do I get off saying "my house"? It's not my house anymore._ Sarah did her best to keep from shouting into the phone. He had promised they would be safe!

"Agent Walker? Which house?" Sarah wasn't fooled by the feigned ignorance.

"You know damn well which house I mean. You promised them _full_ protection!" She paused, turning the car so sharply to the right it fishtailed; she thought she saw Chuck try to covertly cover his eyes. "None of this halfway crap! What happened to the agent assigned to them? Where was their damn protection?" Sarah paused, realizing she was starting to sound extremely insubordinate. "_Sir_."Sarah finished in a biting tone.

"Walker, I had no idea there was a breach. We pulled the agent because you were making your way home, why would he need to be there anymore?" Hardy explained. "Who was it and what did he want?"

"I don't kno – Chuck, who was that?" Sarah turned her eyes to Chuck, who seriously looked frightened at her driving.

"He said his name was S-smith," He braced himself against the dashboard as Sarah barely stopped in time to avoid rear-ending a mini-van with little soccer balls and the names "John" and "Carey" stickers on the back. Chuck shifted his body to face her. "He wanted you, Sarah. Why?"

Sarah ignored Chuck. "Chuck said it was someone named Smith and that he wanted...me." _How did anyone outside my inner circle find out? That was top secret classified information. _

"What?! How did-" Hardy started to roar.

"Request permission to use a safe house nearby, sir." Sarah cut in. She saw Emily mouth "safe house?" in the rear view mirror. Sarah was suddenly filled with sorrow. This wasn't supposed to happen to her family again. Emily deserved better than this; better than the life Chuck and Sarah had lived before their marriage. Emily wasn't supposed to ever have to go to a safe house, or deal with agents, or see her mother take a man's life. She shook her head ever so slightly, blinking back the moisture gathering in her eyes. _Not now. _

"Permission granted, Walker. Contact me when you get there. Hardy out." Sarah dropped the phone into her lap, swerving to the left to avoid a car that was honking loudly. She hadn't noticed the red light. She looked at Chuck sheepishly.

"Sorry," she muttered. "How can there be so much traffic at this time of night?" She decided to change the subject. "Are you both okay?" She asked, looking into her rear view mirror at Emily.

"Em?" Chuck shifted in his seat to face Emily.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Emily replied, crossing her arms. She looked very upset and Sarah thought she saw something glinting off of her cheek.

Sarah reached out with her right hand and pulled Chuck's chin so he would face her direction so she could assess the damage. His face had a small amount of blood running down the left side of his face. She was surprised when Chuck jerked away as if her fingers had burned him. "Sorry," she muttered again, awkwardly pulling her hand away and placing it back on the wheel.

"It's just a scratch," Chuck said. "Be careful." He cautioned when Sarah swerved again.

"Yeah, I'd like to actually see my seventeenth birthday," Sarah thought she heard Emily mutter.

Sarah stayed quiet and continued to weave in and of traffic towards the nearest safe house. She looked at Chuck.

"I _will_ get you safe again, Chuck, I swear," She promised. She could tell by the look on his face he was biting back a reply.

"Just say it," Sarah said through clenched teeth. She wasn't mad at him, not one bit, she deserved whatever he was about to say. It was probably her fault this was all happening anyway. She'd just ruined their lives once again.

Chuck shook his head, looking out his window. Emily sat quietly in the back, still shocked probably. Her life had just radically changed. Sarah was surprised she wasn't weeping and completely freaking out right now.

"Dammit, Chuck, just say it." Sarah snapped. _Great, now he's going to think I'm upset with _him_. _

"If it wasn't for you we wouldn't need saving, Sarah!" Chuck finally expressed. Sarah knew that his mind was going back in the past. He was thinking if she had never left, they wouldn't be in this position right now. Sarah bit her lip, knowing she couldn't tell him why she left.

"You should call Ellie," Sarah stated, changing the subject. Chuck gave her an exasperated look, but pulled out his phone because - even though he knew she was just changing the subject - she was right.

"Will they be okay?" Chuck suddenly asked, his eyes getting wide. They had to protect Ellie, Devon, and their children!

Sarah picked up her own phone again and called Hardy once more. After a few words she hung up again. "He's sending three agents to their house and they'll stay there as long as we want."

Chuck nodded and Sarah waited as he dialed Ellie patiently, wondering what excuse he would use. She glanced at Emily again, who was staring at her through the rear view mirror. Sarah quickly returned her eyes to the road, unable to face those eyes of Emily's.

"Hey, El." Chuck greeted his sister. Sarah's heart sunk even further. Here she was, reintroducing lies into his life. "Don't come to the house; Emily and I are gone." He paused. "I'm with..." He looked up at her and his eyes told Sarah exactly what he was going to say next.

"Chuck, don-" Sarah started to speak.

"I'm with Sarah," Chuck conveyed. Sarah could suddenly hear Ellie's voice booming through the speaker and she flinched. _What does Ellie think of me now? Probably the worst. _

"Calm down. It's just a bit of reconnecting." He paused again, and Sarah could tell he was getting a lecture. "El, I want my daughter to know her mother." He looked at Sarah when he said that and Sarah understood he really meant it. That seemed to quiet Ellie. "I'll see you later, sis." Chuck hung up and he turned to face Emily, his deep brown eyes warm with concern.

"How are you?" He asked, placing a hand on her knee. Emily took his hand.

"I don't know, Dad. This is – I don't understand."

Chuck smiled at her. "You will, I'll tell you later." He turned his head to Sarah. "How long till we get there?"

"I'm not sure. Hour or two?" She guessed.

"Get some sleep, Em." Chuck told the dark haired girl knowingly.

"Okay," Emily closed her eyes and leaned her head against the headrest. Chuck turned back around to face forward..

"Sarah, what's going on?" He whispered. Sarah noticed their hands grazing each others on the console between them; she forced herself to resist the urge to grab it.

"I'm not sure, Chuck." She replied, matching the volume of his tone. "I don't know who that was."

"No, I meant..." He sighed. "I meant you, being back here, not just the crazy Matrix man."

"I was done, Chuck." Sarah inhaled sharply. "I was _done_." Her tone hinted at anguish and he caught her lip trembling.

"You were coming back?" Chuck asked and Sarah nodded.

"Yeah, I was. But you should listen to your own advice and sleep. It's the middle of the night and you look absolutely exhausted." Sarah's voice told Chuck to go to sleep; Sarah's eyes _pleaded _with Chuck to go to sleep.

His face fell. "Okay," She could tell he wanted to know more, but he was going to accept her suggestion. He closed his eyes and within ten minutes Sarah could hear regular, deep breathing coming from him. She waited until she was sure he was in a deep sleep and then gently touched his left hand that dangled off of the edge of the console. When he didn't move, she allowed herself a thin smile. His hand was warm and soft to her callused one and she stroked his hand once more, wishing she could take it; but with the way he had reacted when she had touched him earlier, she was not going returned her hand back to the wheel begrudgingly.

_Stop it! _She thought to herself, smacking the wheel gently. She needed to concentrate on the road, had to make sure they stayed safe because this was all her fault.

Chuck sunk onto the small bed Sarah had said he could use. It was in a small room, in a small house, in a small yard surrounded by a larger than normal privacy fence with barbed wire on the inside angled so you couldn't see it until you were trying to hop over. He doubted barbed wire would stop a crazy agent, however. Emily had not stopped asking questions since she woke up; the shock had completely worn off and Chuck had repeatedly told her he'd tell her later.

Emily showed up at his door, her expression determined. "It's later," She spoke quietly and Chuck nodded.

"Okay," He patted the place beside him. "Where's -" he started to ask where Sarah was; he hadn't seen her since she'd given him his room.

"She's in the basement, getting some of the food they keep down there. None of the pantries are stocked. We have to do that ourselves." She finished, and Chuck nodded.

"Okay. What do you want to know?" Chuck smiled at her, preparing himself to be talking for a _long _time.

"Everything. Dad, I just saw a man killed by my mother. _After_ a man came into our house and was getting ready to hurt both of us. He was looking for her. Why?" Emily's words came out quickly and Chuck had to strain to understand her.

"First, talk slower. Second, well, as you know now, your mom's a CIA agent..."

"When? Is that why she left? For a _career_?" Venom entered Emily's words and Chuck shook his head.

"She was an agent for the last ten years, Em. But before that...her and I both were." To Chuck surprise Emily threw her hands in the air.

"This would have been nice to know _before _the crazy guy came in and started waving a knife around demanding to know where mom was!"

"Em, you have every right to be mad but we did it for your protection," Chuck explained, hoping to calm her down. Normally, he'd be upset with her for yelling at him but in this case he would make an exception.

"Does Aunt Ellie know?" Emily fumed.

"No, she doesn't."

"You've been lying to us this whole time?" The shorter female blurted, suddenly confused and Chuck thought she was hurt. "Dad, I've always been honest with you. Didn't you think it'd be nice for me to know that my mom was CIA and you were too? That she chose her CIA career over us? That while me and you were hurting she was living some exciting life? Yeah, it would've been nice to know!" She turned and stormed out of the room. Chuck got up to follow her, but stopped when he reached the door, seeing Sarah standing at the end of the small hall that all their bedrooms were connected to. He saw hurt enter her eyes and she clenched her teeth. Then she turned around quickly and headed back into the basement and Chuck sighed, running a hand through his hair.

As much as he claimed it was for Emily's protection, he knew she was right. He'd lied to them; Ellie , and Emily. It would have been better for her to know. But he'd done what he'd done. He had followed the orders that Beckman had told him at their last briefing and what Sarah had backed up. _Your family __can never know. None of them. _He'd just done as he was told. They worked too close to sensitive information for just anyone to know.

Sarah had told him they needed to brief Hardy on the events from earlier this morning, and so he started for the basement door behind which he'd seen Sarah disappear. "Are you ready, Sarah?" Chuck called out, pushing the door open. As he stepped down the small flight of stairs that lead into the basement, he saw Sarah, looking at something intently.

"Sarah," Chuck called again and she jerked around. Chuck saw she was holding a picture and he was certain she had been on the verge of tears. "Sarah, are you okay?"

"Yeah," Sarah nodded and put on a fake smile. "Um, let's get started on that briefing, then you can head to bed and actually sleep."

"What about you?"

"I won't be sleeping tonight, too much to do." She started to slide the picture into her pocket.

"What's that?" Chuck asked, glancing down at the photo.

Sarah put the picture in his hand and started for the stairs. "We'll do it in the living room, that's where the computer is located."

"Okay," Chuck said, looking down at the photo. "I was afraid I had left these at the house." He looked back up at her, after seeing it was the same photo of them when she was pregnant. Sarah paused and turned her head to face him.

"I grabbed them before we left. I told you, they're my favorites." With that she left the basement, leaving Chuck alone and staring at their smiling faces. _Will I ever have that kind of happiness again? Probably not, it seems like I'll never get to live a quiet life. _He slid the picture into his pocket. It was one of his favorites too.

"And that's it," Chuck concluded. He'd just finished telling this Director Hardy everything that had happened. "His name was Smith and he wanted Sarah." He paused, glancing at the blonde next to him, who was drinking a Starbucks Mocha Frappuccino. He wasn't sure where she had gotten it from though._ I guess the CIA gives their agents Starbucks to stay awake. _He looked back at the computer screen. Hardy seemed like a well built man, not overweight, just stocky with visible muscles showing on his neck. Chuck would have hated to make this man angry; he imagined it would not be pleasant for the offender.

"Mrs...Walker?" Hardy ended the sentence as a question.

"Bartowski," Chuck stated and Sarah looked him and seemed pleased; but, he couldn't be sure. "Um, misses?"

"Mrs. Bartowski is no longer an agent." Hardy explained. _Oh, that's right. Sarah was done. _Chuck nodded his understanding.

"Mrs. Bartowski, do you know anything about _Hawkeye_?" Hardy asked and Chuck looked at Sarah whose expression was suddenly blank. Then she suddenly grimaced, shaking her head back and forth.

She chuckled. "Brain freeze." She paused then started again. "Hawkeye is an inner CHAOS ring. CHAOS assigns their most talented and devoted members to this inner circle and gives them the most difficult missions. Smith is part of this circle."

"So, this Hawkeye group wants you...why?" Chuck asked.

Sarah hesitated and looked at Hardy, then back at Chuck. "Who knows, Chuck? Sometimes these things just happen. I've been on so many missions; there is no way to know how I might have ignited their interest."

Chuck suddenly felt like Sarah was hiding something. It wouldn't be the first time, but, he had definitely learned her methods of deflection when she didn't want to answer something...or wasn't allowed. So he acted like that satisfied him. He would ask her again later, maybe she just couldn't tell him in front of Hardy.

"Director Hardy," Chuck started. "Sorry, to interrupt but, on the condition of the safety of this house..."

"Worry not, Mr. Bartowski, you will be safe." Hardy finished.

"No, that's not what I mean. I mean...I want this house to be safe, but not for myself. I want my daughter's safety guaranteed." He looked at Sarah and she nodded her support.

"Oh," Hardy seemed slightly surprised. _He definitely doesn't have children. _"I see. You wish to make her safety the highest concern of this branch?" Chuck noticed the way Sarah and Hardy were looking at each other, as if they were having a argument Chuck couldn't hear.

"Sir, Chuck makes perfect sense. _I _can take care of myself and Chuck has more experience than Emily, who has none." Her tone dropped lower and turned slightly demanding. "I want my daughter safe. And I want Chuck safe. I strongly suggest them as first priority, sir."

Hardy sighed. "Very well, even though I feel like your judgment is being clouded due to the sensitivity of the situation and your emotional involvement."

"Sir, my judgment would still be the same even if..." She trailed off and took a drink of her coffee.

"Even if Bartowski wasn't legally your husband and Emily wasn't yours and his daughter? You can see why I think you're more than slightly emotionally compromised." Hardy challenged, leaning forward in his seat.

"Yes, sir." Sarah's eyes flashed. "And if you think I am compromised send me someone to make sure my decisions are the most prudent, which they will be."

"Yes, perhaps that is best. Perhaps someone you two are already acquainted with?"

"That would be desirable. I want someone I trust, someone I know will protect my back. Someone I know is not a double agent and working for CHAOS." Sarah nodded.

"Very well, I'll contact you as soon as I know." The screen went dead.

"Sarah, what was that?" He motioned to her face his twirling his index finger in a circle.

"What?"

"The "brain freeze"." He made air quotes with his hands. He noticed the twitch in her face, the one that she made every time she was bluffing. "I seriously doubt a Frappuccino can give you brain freeze."

"Exactly what I said it was and obviously it can." She replied defensively.

"Sarah, I was around you twenty four seven for eight years, I think I know when you're lying and when you aren't." Chuck leaned against the desk, studying her face; she was definitely hiding something.

"Chuck, drop it." Sarah turned and went into the smallest room that she had given herself. Chuck sighed. They were back to where they started almost eighteen years ago.

_And I know it well_

_That secret that we know_

_but we don't know how to tell_

* * *

**Psst! You see the little review button at the bottom? Yeah, that button. Click it. Go ahead, don't be shy ;) Yeah, then you type in a few words about this chapter and post it and thats called a review. I know right? It's great! Anyways, do it. Now. Like right...now!**


	8. If There's A Rocket Tie Me To It

**I now present Chapter 8! Once again thanks to Wepdiggy for beta editing, Jimmy for being so helpful, and Rockchick4jc for giving me an early review ;). I hope you enjoy this installment. **

* * *

The wind blew, causing one of the nearby tree's limbs to smack against the small house. Emily jerked up and gasped. She wasn't able to sleep; she'd barely been able to think straight since Smith had invaded their home and come at her with a knife. She still remembered how that other guy Jim had looked, his eyes open and lifeless, staring upwards at her. She had gagged because of the blood pooled on the floor, its sickly smell reaching her nostrils. Her mother had done that, come right in and shot him without any remorse afterwards. Her mom was a hardened killer? She's some CIA agent like James Bond? This was all wrong!

Emily lay back down, pulling the covers up to her neck. The bed was comfortable enough, but not hers and she couldn't shake the thought that in the room next to her was a killer. She'd never thought that seeing someone die in front of her would affect her this way; but it had.

_My mother and father were CIA agents. How many people has my _dad_ killed? He seems so caring, how could he take someone's life? How could he be an agent at all? He'd always told me that he had worked at the Buy More and Morgan had said the same thing. Is Morgan in on it? Does he know? _

She hadn't been able to talk to her dad when she'd found out the truth, she had just been so angry! How could he have lied to her? They were supposed to always be honest with one another! All she wanted to do right now was beat the hell out of something.

This was so much for Emily to absorb she didn't know where to start. She wanted to talk to her dad, but at the same time yell at him. But mostly she wanted to scream at Sarah: the woman who had brought all this into their lives. The guy had wanted _her_, not Emily or Chuck. Now all of them were paying the price.

Emily felt like if she found out one more thing about her parents past that involved the government, she'd crack in two. She knew she needed sleep, but sleep wouldn't come to her. She couldn't stop replaying the night's events over and over again through her head. The gunshot had scared her more than Smith coming towards her with a knife; she'd already been calculating what she should try to do. She'd learned karate and was sure there was something she could do. It wasn't until she turned her head and saw her mother standing there, gun in hand, with a very intense look on her face did the shock hit her.

And then her dad had yelled they had to go and tried to push her into her room. She couldn't stop staring at the man on the floor in front of her. Her mother had just stood there, looking at Emily. _She didn't even care that she killed him. She was just shouting we had to go. _

The car ride had been scary at the least. Her mother flew through the streets like a bat out of hell and handled the car easily. So this was the mother she hardly knew. A CIA agent. Was that why she left?

Emily heard footsteps in the hall and her stomach twisted into a knot. Was it Smith? Had he come to finish the job he had started? Then the shower started and Emily calmed slightly. She decided it was just Sarah.

With the way she reacted at the slight noise, she was certain she wasn't getting any sleep tonight.

* * *

_And I knew the beat 'cause it matched your own beat  
I still remember it from our chest to chest and feet to feet  
The easy silence then was a sweet relief to this hush  
Of ovens, aeroplanes and of distant car horns _

…

Chuck lay in the small double bed that he'd been given. His eyes were heavy and he was breathing deeply, despite appearances, he was not asleep. He sighed and turned on his side, finally accepting he wasn't getting sleep no matter how tired he was. His mind was still absorbing all that had happened. Smith, his and Emily lives being threatened (something he had never wanted Emily to experience), and suddenly Sarah's arrival back into their lives.

He had been surprised that he wasn't really angry earlier, just shocked. Now that it was all wearing off, he was starting to grow angry. How had Smith been given knowledge of Sarah's family? Had the CIA gotten lazy? His daughter had just been thrust into the part of Chuck's life that he'd always tried to get away from because it was filled with lies, danger, and betrayal. and they'd done nothing to stop it. Sarah had mentioned an agent. _We had an agent watching us? _Even with his experience Chuck hadn't noticed anyone following them or watching them. _Well, I guess he wouldn't be much of an agent if I had seen him would he? _Sarah had also mentioned they had promised her that she'd be protected. He felt something he couldn't explain hearing she had made them swear that Chuck and Emily would be kept safe.

She'd been done. What did that mean for them? Was she returning to make amends or just because she had nowhere else to go? _Is it possible she still feels the same way she did? _Chuck wasn't sure what to think of that. Sure, he still loved Sarah but that was just part of marriage and being so connected to someone. But could he trust her? He was sure he could trust her to protect his life, but he wasn't sure if he could trust her to protect his heart. His or Emily's. That had ended badly the first time around.

He heard light footsteps in the hall and could tell it was Sarah. He wasn't sure how, but he just could. Soon he heard the rush of water and the bathroom door close. How was he supposed to feel about her return? He didn't know whether he should hug her or be angry with her. He was conflicted. Part of him was just so happy to see her face and another was so angry she brought this back into the life he had created. If only she hadn't left at the beginning! None of this would have happened and they'd all be a happy family. Why couldn't his life ever work out?

He listened to the gentle sound of the water with is eyes closed, trying to fall into sleep. After what seemed like only a few moments it suddenly cut off and the bathroom door opened shortly after. He saw the shadow under the edge of his door, hesitating. The door slowly creaked open and in walked Sarah, wearing a t-shirt and shorts, her hair wet. Chuck quickly closed his eyes and cracked them open just enough so he could see. It grew dark as Sarah closed the door as much as she could without latching it.

"Chuck?" He heard her voice ask in a whisper. Chuck didn't want to talk right now, he was tired and so mixed up inside he didn't know how he'd even get two words out, so he continued to keep the façade up.

Sarah exhaled. "Listen," she started to whisper. "I know you probably hate me now. But, I was coming back to at least see if you'd take me back because well, I still love you and always have. I left to protect you and keep you two safe. There are things going on right now that I can't tell you yet, but just trust me. I'm so sorry." With that she left and Chuck was certain he saw her wipe her cheek with the back of her hand.

Now what was he supposed to think?

* * *

_I said I knew the beat 'cause it matched your own beat  
It's become my engine my own source of heat  
The sea between us only amplifies the sound waves  
Every hum and echo and crash paints my cave _

…

Sarah curled up in her bed, her eyes still watery. She wished she could have told Chuck that when he was actually _awake _today, but as usual she just couldn't express herself. She had a hard time with words; it was so much easier for her to _act _something than say it. She had just finished setting up the security system and was finally somewhat at ease knowing they had the best possible. She wondered who the agent would be. She was certain it wouldn't be Casey as he must be retired by now surely. She smiled as she thought of how he probably had a nice secluded house somewhere with lots of Ronald Reagan pictures. She wondered how his life had turned out; she doubted it was the jumbled mess hers was. She could just imagine what he'd say about this.

No, Casey was surely retired by now. The last time she'd seen him was seven years ago and it had been completely random and he'd mentioned retirement then. It had been a short reunion and Sarah had barely been able to talk. He had asked about Chuck and Sarah had told them they were no longer together. The surprise on his face had hurt her a lot, reminding her how everyone – including Chuck and Sarah – had thought they would last until death.

But that was the last they'd seen each other and Sarah truly hoped Casey was retired and had a peaceful life because that was what all agents really wanted, even it they didn't know it.

Sarah looked at the clock beside her bed. _5:37. _Had it really been five hours already?

* * *

"_I can't believe this. You're a mother now?" Bryce smiled largely. Sarah could tell his smile was forced however, because it didn't reach his eyes. Sarah held her coffee cup tightly and nodded. _

"_Yeah, we celebrated her fifth just a few days ago. Chuck dressed up as Darth Vader. Emily loved it." Sarah smiled at the recollection of the memory. "But, Bryce, we both know this isn't just a social call." She prepared herself to refuse whatever offer he had come to lay out for her. She was done with the CIA and was finally happy. Bryce's smile faded and his blue eyes darkened. _

"_Sarah, I actually came here to warn you." He set his own cup on the coffee table and sighed. _

"_Warn me about what?" Sarah asked, instantly alarmed. She was ready to drop everything and run off with Chuck and Emily if need be._

"_Sarah, the CIA is losing the battle with a new ring worse than FULCRUM. We call them CHAOS. You don't hear it on the news or in the papers but it's there, a huge threat to this country." He paused. __"Sarah, my superiors want to restart the Intersect project; and they want Chuck." He waited for his words to sink in. Sarah stared at him in disbelief, Chuck had already served his country and been promised no more interference in his life from the government. "This time, they won't allow a real life for him. They want to start him up in training and actually put him in the field. They've already gotten their first one and now they're coming for Chuck." He paused. _

"_You?" Sarah asked, her heart pounding furiously. Bryce nodded. "They can't!" Sarah jumped up from the couch. "They won't get Chuck. They can't put him out in the field! He doesn't know anything!" _

_Bryce raised his hands and stood. "Sarah, I've already tried every argument I could. They simply won't have it. I'm so sorry." _

"_Then we'll run," Sarah stated and went for her phone. _

"_If I were in your situation that's what I would do; but Sarah," Bryce put a hand on her arm, effectively stopping her from dialing Chuck. "They are already watching you. Both your cars are bugged as well as your phones and I was barely able to get them to not bug the house as well. If you stood a chance on the road, I'd help you." He sighed. _

"_Bryce," Sarah said, her voice barely above a whisper. "I can't let them have Chuck. God knows what they'll do to him." She sunk back to the couch. "I wouldn't be able to live knowing he was out there, risking his life. That was and always will be my job, not his!" _

_Bryce sat down beside her. "I'm here to help however I can. You can't tell Chuck this." _

"_I know." Sarah replied, her eyes going to the picture of her, Chuck and Emily sitting on the swing on their front porch. She had to keep Chuck from this fate. "What can I do?" She looked back at Bryce, hoping he'd have some kind of advice. _

"_Honestly, I think you're better suited for this than Chuck." Bryce stated. "By no means am I suggesting you re-join. But I honestly am surprised the CIA didn't come for you instead." He paused and gently tugged Sarah into a hug, placing her head against his chest. "I swear, I tried everything I could." He whispered and Sarah's eyes began to water. _

"_I believe you," She stated and returned Bryce's hug. There was nothing romantic about their embrace, simply a good friend supporting the other. At least on Sarah's end. After a moment, she pulled away. "I have an idea." Bryce looked at her questioningly. _

"_What is it?" The dark haired man asked._

"_You mentioned I'd be more suited than Chuck, which is obvious because I used to be an agent. Do you think that –" Her voice caught. "That they might make a deal with me? My service for Chuck and Emily's protection?" _

_Bryce nodded sadly and Sarah thought she saw his lip quiver. "Yes, I do. I think they would. God, Sarah, I am so sorry." He stood. "Are you sure about this?" _

"_Yes, I have to keep Chuck safe. I promised him I always would." She laughed bitterly. "It's my job." _

"_Then I'll contact them. Sarah…" he trailed off, shaking his head. _

"_Bryce, thank you for coming. If you hadn't then Chuck would have been taken from us and I would have never known why. Thank you." She took his hand momentarily. _

"_I'll come back later." He stated._

"_Just remember Chuck and my daughter will be home," Sarah reminded the slightly taller man._

"_Don't worry," He offered her a smile. "You'll be seeing me soon."_

"_Then there's no reason to say goodbye," Sarah said as Bryce exited the house. She quickly shut the door because she could no longer compose herself. The tears came freely now that she was alone. Everything she had made with Chuck was in jeopardy. She had to save her husband and her daughter. They were all that mattered to her. She was certain that it'd hurt Chuck and Emily, but she had to do this. She was backed into a corner and had no escape. When you can't beat someone, you bargain with them. Her father had said that once and she realized how right he was. _

* * *

Sarah had waited that night, on edge and in a constant state of anguish. Chuck and Emily had both picked up on it, but she had just written it off, giving Chuck a satisfying explanation.

Bryce had come and signaled Sarah she needed to get away from her husband and daughter. Sarah quickly made an excuse to leave and went to her car. The drive she made had been in silence.

* * *

"_Mrs. Bartowski," The man on the small TV screen Bryce had_ _introduced as Director Hardy began. "We understand the gravity of the situation and it may seem we're being "harsh" toward your family, but things are not going well in our fight with CHAOS." He paused. "But, Agent Larkin here has informed me that you have an offer for me. What is it?" _

_Sarah swallowed. She had hoped to never be involved with _anything _CIA for the rest of her life; but she couldn't let Chuck be taken away. "Director, I don't fully understand why you chose Chuck. He's not CIA, not trained, and not CIA material."_

"_Mrs. Bartowski, the threat of CHAOS is looming. We are getting desperate for any edge we can get on this rogue operation. If you thought FULCRUM was bad; wait until CHAOS gets influence in this country." Hardy's dark eyes seemed to bore into Sarah._

"_Director," Her voice cracked and Sarah crossed her arms to recompose herself. She felt as if she were "dealing with the devil". "I'm willing to do whatever necessary to guarantee my husband and daughter's safety." _

"_Just what do you mean by that?" Hardy asked. _You know damn well what I meant. _Sarah thought. _

"_I'm willing to come back as a full agent. I'm willing to take the battle with CHAOS head on. Me…for Chuck. But I want an agent protecting the house at all times. I want them to have full protection." Sarah finished, trying to seem confidant and sure. Hardy shoulders relaxed slightly and he turned to the side and motion to someone off camera. He spoke a few words into the ear of a woman who walked over to him before looking back at Sarah._

"_Agent Walker," Sarah felt like her heart was in her throat. They were going to accept. Chuck would be safe. Emily would be safe. If her not seeing them again was the price she had to pay to keep them alive and well, then she'd do it._

"_Yes, sir?" Sarah replied, glancing at Bryce whose face was contorted in an expression Sarah couldn't decipher. _

"_I am assuming you wish to go back to having your field name Walker." Hardy stated. Sarah nodded and he continued. "Very well then, we accept. Go home; Agent Larkin will contact you tomorrow." Hardy's screen went black and Sarah stood there a moment, absorbing everything she had just done. She was doing the right thing, keeping Chuck and Emily safe. So why did she felt like she had just sold her soul? _

_Because that's what they do._ _They take us and force us to do the most horrible things all for the "good of the country". In one way, I did just sell myself. But I did it for Chuck and I did it for our daughter. _

_Sarah turned and faced Bryce. "I guess I'll see you tomorrow." She managed to say before turning and rushing for the door. Bryce started to follow her, but decided against it. He stood there, watching her depart. _

_Sarah's drive home was hard. She could barely see out the window due to her blurry vision from the tears._

* * *

Bryce had contacted her as soon as Emily was at school and Chuck had left for work. Sarah distinctly remembered it was about lunchtime.

* * *

_A knock at the door almost sent Sarah into pieces. As she approached it, she realized then this would be her last day with her family for God knew how long. But, her family will be safe and she'll have fulfilled her promise and role in this family. Protector. She wouldn't let the CIA destroy what she had accomplished. _

_It was Bryce. Sarah felt a mixture of relief and sorrow at seeing his face. She opened the door and stepped onto their porch._

"_It worked." Bryce stated and his blue eyes contained more moisture than Sarah thought was normal. "You leave tomorrow. Do you still want to do this?" _

"_Do I have a choice?" Sarah asked grievously. Bryce sighed. _

"_Here's your plane ticket," He gently placed it in her hand. "I'll be flying with you to Langley and I'll be there when you get it uploaded. Our first mission will be together too and then we'll go our separate ways for then." Sarah nodded, trying to keep her lip from quivering and her tears from spilling over. "Sarah, it's okay." He hugged her again and Sarah understood he meant it was okay for her to cry. _

_Sarah did. She could no longer hold it in. Bryce once again played the role of best friend and held her, rubbing her hair. Sarah couldn't help but feel a twinge of awkwardness, as when they were lovers not once did they share a moment like this. Out of the corner of her eye Sarah saw her nosy neighbor (and one known for gossiping) on her porch as well, watering her plants and staring at Sarah disapprovingly. _

_Sarah pulled away. "Chuck could come back at any minute; he always comes home for lunch." Sarah explained. Bryce nodded._

"_It wouldn't be good for him to come home and see me here now would it?" Bryce attempted to smile. _

"_Our embracing with my crying wouldn't help either," the attempt to lighten (however slightly) the mood failed miserably. Sarah wiped her eyes. "See you later, Bryce." _

_Bryce nodded and headed for his car, shooting a dark look at the nosy woman who had watched the whole exchange between them. Sarah stepped back into her house. She couldn't face Chuck right now so she wrote out a note on the counter. _

_**Had to go out. Forgot lunch for Emily. **_

_**Silly me. **_

_**Chuck, I love you a lot.**_

_**Yours, **_

_**Sarah **_

* * *

Then she had left. She came home just in time to see Chuck before he left back for work. She'd kissed him so fiercely she was sure he realized something was wrong. But he hadn't, he just matched her kiss and muttered something like "save it for later" into her ear. Then he had left and she had called him later saying she was going grocery shopping. Then the rest was too painful to think about.

She finally dozed long enough to feel a little rested and when she woke again she saw it was 8:13. She woke to the smell of eggs. As she got out of the bed, she groaned. She hated the lack of sleep feeling and could imagine how she looked.

Chuck was cooking eggs and Emily was manning the toaster oven. Sarah strode into the kitchen fully dressed in a black top and dark washed blue jeans. She started to go for the basement to get an update on that agent when Chuck called, "Good morning." Sarah turned.

"Oh," She stuttered. "Yeah, good morning." Sarah looked at Emily who returned her stare with one of her own. "How'd you sleep, Emily?" She swallowed, but the look Chuck was giving her told her he wanted her to talk to their daughter.

"Not that great," Emily replied. "I'm used to my own bed."

"Well, I'm working on getting you back to your own bed." Sarah smiled tightly and turned around back towards the basement.

"Where are you going?" Chuck asked and Sarah smiled at him.

"To get an update on our agent," Sarah replied.

"Wait, eat something first okay?" Chuck tapped the plate he had made for her with the fork he had also provided. Sarah looked at the food, realizing she hadn't eaten for awhile.

She took a seat at the small table next to the kitchen. "Thanks,"

"Want some toast with that?" Emily asked, clearly she was only doing that much because Chuck had trained her that way.

"Sure. When did you two get up?" Sarah asked.

"I never went to sleep," Emily stated.

"I just got up after trying to sleep." He put an arm around Emily and squeezed her gently. "We had too crazy a night for sleep." For a moment Sarah was concerned Chuck had heard her words to him earlier. That wasn't the way she wanted to tell him.

They all sat together. The fact that this was their first family meal together (however strange) in ten years wasn't lost on Sarah.

After finishing Chuck announced he and Emily would clean up and that Sarah should see where the agent was. "The sooner we can get home the better."

Sarah turned and started for the basement, right before a knock came at the door. She went to it, ready to see who this agent was.

Chuck and Emily came around the corner and Sarah opened the door.

"Bryce?" Sarah exclaimed, her discomfort disappearing. Finally she was with someone she knew didn't hate her.

"Hey, Sarah. Did you miss me?" Despite their circumstances, they both smiled.

* * *

**What's that in the sky? Its a bird! its a plane! No, its a review you haven't written yet! Click that button on the bottom of the screen and tell me whatca think! ;) **


	9. The Ice Is Getting Thinner

**Chapter 9!! Yay!! Okay, huge thanks to Wep and also Jimmy. The song this chapter is "The Ice Is Getting Thinner" by Death Cab For Cutie. Hmmm, I also want to thank Wep for reminding me that if I don't get another chapter out fast after this one, my VIR (Yokaputo) is likely to hold a gun to my head and force me to write quickly, so Yok, I'll be saving you the plane ticket and go ahead and start my next chapter right now ;-) hehe.**

**Thanks to everyone who reviews this! It means a lot to me to know that some people are actually reading this little story of mine :-)**

* * *

_We're not the same, dear, as we used to be.  
The seasons have changed and so have we.  
There was little we could say, and even less we could do  
To stop the ice from getting thinner under me and you._

…

"Bryce?!" Chuck exclaimed, his eyes bugging slightly.

"You know _him_ too?" Emily whispered. She then sighed and leaned against the door frame of the kitchen arch. Chuck glanced at her and then back at Sarah and Bryce. Sarah stopped smiling and nodded at Emily.

"I went to college with Bryce," Chuck explained, looking at Emily. "And he used to be," Chuck looked back at the darker haired man. "Used to be Sarah's...partner."

Emily seemed to catch the underlying meaning in her father's expression and if she didn't understand the whole message her father's eyes contained then she certainly caught the gist of it. Sarah's eyes narrowed slightly at Chuck and she gave him a murderous look. That was just perfect; let their daughter know her history with Bryce.

Sarah looked at Bryce. His expression practically screamed "awkward family reunion" and Sarah shook her head. "Bryce, we should let Hardy know you made it here."

"Yeah," Bryce followed Sarah down into the basement. "So, how old is your double now?" Bryce asked as they entered the small set of stairs.

"Sixteen," Sarah replied immediately. She'd always remembered Emily's birthdays every year, and every year she'd always imagined what she would have done for it. She always wished she could have been there. Other than the day Bryce came to their house, Emily's birthdays were the hardest thing for her to get through.

"Wow," Bryce chuckled and stepped up to the computer. "Will you do the honors?"

Sarah quickly typed in a few keywords before being prompted by a voice code. "Walker, Sarah."

She pressed another button and soon Director Hardy's face appeared on the small screen.

"Agent Larkin," Hardy's gruff features look relieved. "It's good to see you alive."

"Sir," Bryce nodded. "So what's our intel on the CHAOS agent?"

"Honestly we don't know much. We know he works for HAWKEYE," Sarah glanced at Bryce whose eyes had glazed over but his face remained composed. Hardy paused until Bryce blinked and then continued. "And that he is probably looking for both of the Intersects, either using them to further CHAOS' agenda or selling them to the highest bidder; seeing how there are two Intersects perhaps they planned on both." Hardy took a breath and glanced at a paper in front of him. "I've just received a report that a bogey was spotted outside Mister Bartowski's house and also the home his sister resides in." Sarah's jaw set.

"How did Smith even find Chuck and Emily?" Sarah's anger was reignited and she didn't even try to disguise it; she was about to be fully released from the CIA anyways. How could they be so lazy?

Hardy's eyes narrowed. "Mrs. Bartowski, I can assure you the fault doesn't lay on our end; perhaps you should look to yourself for the person at fault. We had no leaks in my department; not that I'd even expect any. I trust my team." Sarah and Hardy were engaged in a staring contest and probably would have stayed like that if Bryce hadn't interrupted.

"How about we stop pointing fingers and start trying to take down Smith? He has to go down for Sarah's protection. He knows what she is. Sir, if I may suggest you continue your search for a possible leak just to ensure everyone's safety in this delicate situation."

"Don't forget about your own safety; with Bartowski's release coming at the end of this...you will be that last remaining Intersect until another candidate is found." Hardy reminded, folding his hands together.

"Yes, sir." Bryce nodded. "I understand."

"And I agree. My search for any possible leak - however unlikely - will continue; the last thing we want is this incident to repeat itself. Now if that is all I have-"

"I request additional protection for Chuck's sister," Sarah cut in and Hardy's face turned stony. "With CHAOS it's possible they could use them to draw us out of hiding." Sarah added, hoping to keep Hardy's temper at bay.

Hardy sighed. "Very well then. I'll assign another agent. If any attempt to secure them is made by CHAOS, we'll move in and take them to a safe house."

"Thank you, sir." Sarah replied.

"Mrs. Bartowski, Agent Larkin; it's absolutely vital that you two remember that you are the only Intersects. You're safety is top priority. The _Intersects _safety is top priority, therefore, you two are the most valuable people in the world."

"What?" Sarah and Bryce's heads jerked up in unison. Chuck stood at the bottom of the stairs, a shocked expression covering his face. "Did I just hear what I think I heard?"

"What is it?" Hardy asked.

"Um, a complication." Bryce stated. "Bartowski."

"What?" Hardy's eyes went to Sarah, his expression puzzled.

"Not me," Sarah hissed. Hardy's eyes lit up into understanding. "Permission to tell him the truth?" Chuck would never leave her alone if she didn't explain, not only that he'd be especially angry with her.

"Granted. Contact me in eight hours." The screen went black.

"Sarah," Chuck began. "You're the - I mean...you're the -" Chuck stuttered and then exhaled deeply.

"Chuck," Bryce started and Sarah raised a hand.

"Can you give us a moment, Bryce?" Bryce nodded and started for the stairs, glancing at Chuck as he went past. "Chuck," Sarah started.

"Sarah," Chuck cut in. "Did I hear that _you _and _Bryce _are the Intersects?"

Sarah nodded. "Yeah, you did."

"How long?" Chuck asked, his eyebrows knitting together.

"Ten years," She replied quietly. Chuck's eyes widened.

"You mean -" He started.

"It's the reason I left."

"You left to become the Intersect?" Sarah saw anger starting to build in his eyes.

"Chuck!" Sarah cried. Her tone was sharper than she had intended and she immediately softened her expression. It angered her that he would think for a second that her departure wasn't directly involved with his safety. "They were coming for you. The CIA wanted you. Bryce came and warned me before they had the chance to grab you. You would have been forced into service and most likely never released. I couldn't stand-" There was a slight crack in her voice. "Stand the thought of you in that life. So I made a deal with them. Yours and Emily's safety for my service."

Chuck's expression turned pained but Sarah could still see the anger in his fisted palms and tense shoulders. "I know I caused pain for all three of us, but," she went over to him, wishing she had the guts to touch him. "I did it for your protection. I did it to keep you safe. You didn't deserve a life like that." She finished quietly, casting her eyes to the floor. She waited patiently for his response.

"And you decided to make this huge decision involving _our _family by _yourself_?" Okay, she had not been fully expecting that.

"What?" Sarah asked, off guard.

"Do you realize what you've _done _to us? What you've done to Emily?"

"Chuck, I did it-"

"For us, yeah I heard that, Sarah!" His shoulders were shaking with anger. "You should have told me! We could have worked through that! Did you have such little faith in _us -_ and by us I mean you and me as a married couple - that you thought we couldn't figure things out? We could have thought of something!" He was almost yelling now. "I spent the last ten _years _wondering what I did wrong and now you tell me it was because you made a decision to _protect _us? You didn't protect us, Sarah, you _destroyed _us!"

Sarah blinked and unconsciously took a step backwards, feeling like she'd just been slapped in the face. "Chuck, the CIA would have taken you if I hadn't acted, I thought-"

"You thought leaving the way you did would be better? You thought basically telling me "get this kid away from me" and then leaving me in the worst possible way would make things _better_? You, Sarah, had the advantage of knowing why you left and knowing it wasn't your fault...I've been blaming myself almost from day _one_. Don't you say it was for our protection when it was you who hurt us worse than the CIA could have. Becoming an agent would have been a comfort compared to what you did!" Chuck paused a moment to catch his breath and Sarah waited for him to finish, trying to keep her own anger at bay.

"Sarah, we could have made something work. You don't understand that? That was something we should have decided _together_! That's what married couples do and you went and stabbed me in the back! How long was it before you slept with someone?"

Sarah saw Chuck get the look on his face he got when he knew he'd gone too far. Sarah reached out and slapped him with enough force to leave her hand print behind. How could he stoop so low?

"Don't you dare!" She cried. "Stabbed you in the back? That's ridiculous! I know the CIA; what I did was the only way to get you safe and away from them for good!" Sarah snapped. Chuck had gone too far. She'd done this all for him. "You have no idea what I went through when I made that decision! Nothing could have changed what happened!"

"What _you _went through? What about our daughter?" His question completely stopped Sarah in her tracks.

"Chuck," She started. "Don't try to make me out to be selfish or uncaring. In no way am I saying it wasn't hard for you. But, for one second, take into account what I felt. I knew I was leaving not only you, the person I've loved since the first year I met you; but also our daughter, my only child who I would have slit my own throat for if it meant she'd be safe. I have lived everyday of these ten years in agony. I saw Emily grow up...in _pictures_. I saw her grow to look so much like me it scared me; I got her report cards and had to celebrate her success in school by myself; and not only that, I watched you live everyday without me." She paused, tears threatening to pool in her eyes. "I even saw you get over me and move on. Do you know how hard that is?"

Chuck opened his mouth but Sarah raised her hand. "Ah! I'm not done." She continued. "In no way am I forgetting your pain, but I just want to remind you of my own. I look at Emily and see the resentment she has for me and know that I will never get to be her mother now; that I'll always be _that woman _who left her. I lost you two. But I still wouldn't change my decision, because it would be so much worse if you would have had to go in the field. I would have died inside, knowing you were risking your life like that."

She started for the stairs, unable to keep her composure for much longer. This was how all their fights ended, Sarah saying something and then rushing out because she couldn't hold herself together. Even when they'd been married she'd done it; she saw crying as a weakness and it was one she'd rather not have Chuck see right now.

"Stop, Sarah," Chuck grabbed her arm and she spun back around, her eyes turning red from the tears in her eyes.

"You made your point, Chuck. As soon as this is over I'll go okay? I get it, you and Emily were happy and then I came back and ruined it."

"Sarah, shut up." Chuck ordered gently. "I wish you would have just talked with me then and let both of us come to a solution. Things would have been different; better, and none of this would have happened. That's why I am angry. That you left without even really trying to save us first. But you thought it was best and while it wasn't..."

He stopped and closed his eyes, letting out a sigh. "I never said I wanted you to leave again, Sarah." His hand still rested on her arm, his fingers wrapped around her forearm applying gentle pressure. Sarah had really missed contact with Chuck; even in something as simple as his hand on her arm, she could feel his apology. "I shouldn't have mentioned you sleeping with anyone." He said quietly.

Sarah blinked back tears and quickly pulled away, rushing for the stairs. How could she be angry he mentioned it? He was right. It hadn't even been six months before she had slept with another man. "Sarah, I'm sorry." Chuck started after her just as Sarah was opening the door and stepping out.

* * *

_We bury our love in the wintery grave  
A lump in the snow was all that remained.  
But we stayed by its side as the days turned to weeks  
And the ice kept getting thinner with every word that we'd speak._

…

Unfortunately she was stepping out as Bryce was about to step in and they collided into each other. An awkward moment was shared between the pair as they maneuvered around each other. They mumbled an apology and Sarah rushed to her room. "Sarah?" Chuck called just as she closed the door then looked at Bryce, who offered him a slightly sympathetic look.

"She told me..." Chuck started. "That you came and warned her...y'know. Anyway, I guess in one way I owe you thanks."

"I did it for you _and her_," Bryce slightly emphasized the word "her". How closely had they worked together over these years? "But, Chuck, I saw Sarah during her ten years...just don't be too hard on her." Bryce turned and stepped into the basement.

Chuck went to Sarah's room and knocked on the door. "Sarah?"

No answer. So this was how it was going to play out. Chuck sighed and went into the living room where Emily sat in silence.

"Emily? Are you doing okay?" He sat down beside her.

Emily looked up at him. "No, Dad, I'm not. I just found out my mom and dad worked for the government and saw my mother kill someone in front of me. Then I find out the other agent the CIA sends to ensure our safety is an old...friend or whatever he is; and, on top of that...I am sleep deprived." Chuck saw Emily's eyes mist over and heard a sniff. Emily laughed. "I'm sorry. I know it's stupid to cry..." Chuck wrapped his arm around Emily and pulled her into a tight hug.

"Not at all. Listen, we're all tired." He kissed the top of his daughter's head. "I love you, Em."

"Dad," Emily straightened. "I'm sorry I yelled earlier. I'm just so upset that you lied to me, on top of everything that has happened." She paused.

"Em, I met your mother eighteen years ago. It was because I suddenly became very valuable to the government – which I am not sure I can say why – and my life turned crazy too. I learned to trust your mother to protect my life. You can trust her to do that too. It was Sarah and Ellie that got me through my tough times and I will help you get through yours. You can trust your mom to protect you, okay?"

Emily nodded and sniffed once more. "Okay, Dad, I'll try." She walked to her bedroom and Chuck watched her disappear through the door. Bryce came back out of the basement, glancing at Chuck, who watched the agent go to Sarah's door and knock.

"I'm not Chuck," he heard Bryce mutter. The door opened and he stepped inside. Jealousy (an emotion he hadn't felt in a long time) flared up in him when he watched the door close behind the agent. _Could this morning have been any worse? _

* * *

_And when spring arrived  
We were taken by surprise when the floes under our feet bled into the sea  
And nothing was left for you and me. _

…

"What do you want?" Sarah asked, pretending to be busy picking up clothes off the floor (she almost blushed when one article of clothing was underwear, which Bryce reminded her was something he had seen before) and making her bed.

"Hey, it'd take a blind, deaf, and dumb person to not see how much pain you were in back there. Once again, I am here as your friend, Sarah. Just like before."

"Well, bad things seem to happen when you come to be my "friend"." She saw Bryce flinch and immediately regretted her words. She shouldn't be taking out her frustrations on him, he'd done nothing wrong. "I didn't mean that."

"Yeah you did," Bryce smiled at her. "Its fine," He stood. "You should get some sleep." He started for the door.

Sarah started to stop him, but decided against it. It wouldn't look good to Chuck if Bryce was in her bedroom more than a few moments, and while she was angry with Chuck, she didn't want him getting the wrong ideas about Sarah and Bryce's relationship. The other agent left the room and Sarah sunk onto her bed, wondering how she could even start to fix this.

* * *

Bryce sunk into a chair in the basement. He assumed he was entered into the system and stepped up to the computer. "Larkin, Bryce." He entered a few keywords and Hardy appeared on the screen.

"Agent Larkin?" Hardy leaned forward, resting his hands on the desk.

"Sir, I'm concerned about Sarah." Bryce stated. "Her and Chuck just had a fight. I think she may be too emotionally compromised to make a decent decision." Bryce wouldn't be telling Hardy this, if it weren't Sarah who was endangering herself. She was going to get hurt.

"What are you suggesting, Larkin?" Hardy asked and Bryce was certain he was doing his best to keep from rolling his eyes.

"I'd like to have another agent join us, just to pick up any slack Sarah may leave. She is very distracted, sir." Bryce replied. He really felt like Sarah could use less stress, hopefully another agent would help with that.

"Do you have an idea of who you might trust?" Hardy asked. Bryce smiled slightly. There was only one person he and Sarah both trusted. One person Bryce knew would have his back and not dance around issues.

"Yes, Sir. I do." Bryce nodded. _This keeps getting more interesting, doesn't it? _He thought to himself.

* * *

_We're not the same, dear,  
And it seems to me  
There's nowhere we can go  
With nothing underneath.  
And it saddens me to say  
But we both know, well, it's true  
That the ice was getting thinner  
Under me and you.  
The ice was getting thinner  
Under me and you._

…

* * *

**Let me take a moment to think of a clever way to beg for reviews ... ... ... Okay, nothing is coming this time. But uh... Please, please, review! :D**


	10. Skinny Love

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I know what you are thinking... "Oh my god! Coffee (or Starbuck) updated! Oh my freakin' god!" Well, thank you for the wonderful thoughts :P

**Song this chapter is Skinny Love by Bon Iver. Listen to it of you haven't ;-)**

**Thanks to Wep again for beta editing! **

* * *

_Come on skinny love just last the year,_

_Pour a little salt we were never here_

_my my my my my my_

_Staring at the sink of blood and crushed veneer_

…

Sarah woke up to the orange tint of the setting sun leaking through the blinds on her window. She stretched; slightly annoyed that she'd fallen asleep. That hadn't been her plan. She almost groaned when the events leading up to her retreat into her room came flooding back into her thoughts. She'd blown it, once again. She didn't want them to fight; so why did she continually provoke him to anger? She sighed as she stood. She was going to try this one more time and this time she was determined to have a quiet talk with her husband. As she turned the knob on her door, she saw Chuck lying on the living room couch, his arm over his eyes and snoring lightly. She sighed. Well so much for her plan to talk.

She came out of her bedroom anyway, wondering what the other two occupants in the house were up to. She entered the kitchen, finding Emily sitting at the small table eating a bowl of cereal. Sarah cleared her throat and made her way toward the coffee pot and then started scooping coffee into the small filter. The normalcy of the scene was very strange. l. Emily eating cereal; Sarah making coffee. Sarah stood quiet at the coffee pot, as if staring at it would make it brew faster.

_Say something! _"So, how are you doing?" Sarah asked, still at a loss for what to say.

"I heard your fight," Emily said quietly and Sarah turned her head to face the younger woman. Emily met Sarah's electric blue eyes with her own. The blonde was suddenly uncomfortable and turned back around to face the coffee pot. What was she supposed to say? _Say anything! That's your daughter sitting there, dammit! _She turned back around and sat at the table across from Emily.

"I'm sorry," Sarah managed to get out. How did she start? She swallowed. "For everything. I - I didn't want to fight with your father and I _never _wanted to leave." Emily was quiet, simply staring into Sarah's eyes. After what seemed like an eternity, Sarah could bear the silence no longer. "Say something." She said, leaning forward onto the table with her elbows.

"Like what? Oh, you said "sorry" everything is better now?" Emily looked back down to her frosted flakes. She hadn't sounded angry -or even bitter- when she said those ten words, but Sarah could see the flame in Emily's eyes and assumed this girl in front of her was doing everything in her power to hold back her rage.

"Emily," the dark haired girl's head shot up, as if surprised Sarah said her name. That drew a curious look from Sarah, who then continued. "There are bigger things in play right now than our problems. I want to work things out, I really do. What I did hurt everyone...a lot. And I carry the full responsibility for my actions." She paused as Emily looked away from her. "Emily, look at me." The girl looked back at her, almost defiantly. "I _want _to make things right; but I can't if you won't give me a chance."

"Were you with, Bryce?" Emily asked, taking Sarah by surprise.

"Huh?"

"I can never get any answers from Dad; he's too secretive about his real past." She paused and played in her cereal with her spoon. "Everything he's told me has been a lie so far." Sarah could imagine that Emily had many questions. Emily was so much like Chuck. She looked back up at Sarah making her shift uncomfortably. Her daughter was not going to let her get out of this. "Were you with Bryce?"

Sarah hesitated a moment. She didn't want to bring Emily into this whole stupid Bryce situation. It was ridiculous really, all the crap she had to put up with involving Bryce. "No," Sarah replied. _Emily doesn't need to know about Bryce. That was twenty years ago and there is no chance of it ever happening again. _Emily looked at Sarah, as if she didn't quite believe her.

"Why did you leave?" Emily asked, pushing away her cereal.

Sarah sighed. Hopefully she would handle this better than the last time. "I left because I had to protect you guys," she began. "They wanted your father and I refused to let the CIA have him."

An awkward silence fell between the two and Sarah shifted. She felt like this girl before her could read her like an open book. "I heard the fight." Emily stated. "One thing bothered me. I never heard you deny sleeping with another guy. You don't have to tell me, but you sure had better tell Dad the truth. You've hurt him enough; don't hurt him again."

Sarah nodded, her eyes falling to the table in front of her because she was too uncomfortable staring in Emily's eyes. "Emily, I swear I will make you and Chuck safe. My job was always to protect your father; and sixteen years ago when you were born I swore to keep you safe as well and I won't fail now." She stood and strode out, seeing Chuck still sleeping on the couch Sarah couldn't help but stare at him longingly. How badly she wanted to hold him, even if he was asleep. She just wanted to feel his arms wrapped around her. She'd not felt his touch in ten years; now she was so close to him, but so far away from what she wanted.

She went towards the basement to check up on Bryce. She hated being in this house with nothing to do with regard to protecting Chuck and Emily. She felt like she was just waiting for CHAOS to find them and she hated it.

Sarah thought it was ironic; Emily telling her not to hurt Chuck again, for it had been Sarah who used to say the same thing. She'd never thought that her daughter would be telling _her _the same thing. It caused her even more pain, realizing that in Emily's eyes, Sarah was the ex who had reappeared in their lives wanting her father back. In Emily's eyes, Sarah was just like the woman Sarah had resented.

Jill.

Sarah entered the basement, feeling the stuffiness of the enclosed space make her slightly uncomfortable. She immediately saw Bryce off by the corner in lotus position, his breaths deep and rhythmic. He opened his eyes and stared at Sarah a moment and then stood.

"Sarah," Bryce started. "I need to tell you something…" He paused a moment.

"What?" Sarah asked, slightly puzzled.

"I asked for Hardy to send another agent," He said the words carefully. Sarah figured he was afraid she'd be upset. She was.

"What?" Sarah exclaimed. "Why the hell would you do that? The more agents start showing up here the more likely CHAOS is to find us! What are you thinking?"

Bryce raised his hands slightly. "Sarah, be honest with yourself. You're so emotionally entangled that you wouldn't make the right decisions under pressure. If Chuck and Emily were threatened, and it came down to them or this nation's safety, we both know who you would pick. I want someone around who will have my back, and ensure that the right decisions are made. Plus, having another agent around will on increase the safety of Chuck and your daughter."

Despite Sarah's anger, she could see the logic behind Bryce's statement. Yes, she was emotionally entangled and yes, she valued their safety over the countries and damn anyone who thought she was stupid for doing so! Sarah exhaled deeply. "Who are they sending?" Sarah asked, deciding she didn't want another fight and what was done was done.

"I don't know, Sarah; most likely someone who has a background with us. Probably someone who has saved our lives more than once."

"Fine, but you had better be right about this, Bryce. If this puts Chuck and Emily in danger…" Sarah trailed off, knowing she didn't have to finish her threat. Bryce nodded and then stepped closer to her.

"Sarah, I still trust you. I'm thinking about your safety." Bryce smiled slightly. "Plus, you won't have to stress over their protection so much and will be able to actually get down to reconnecting." Sarah was stunned by Bryce's sensitivity to the whole situation. Even after he had come to warn her about Chuck being in danger of being taken by the CIA she had never once thought that maybe he still cared about her in the way they both used to. She couldn't believe she hadn't thought of it before. He'd always been so careful and caring towards her, even on the few missions they went on together. The realization made Sarah feel slightly awkward as Bryce's eyes were locked with hers.

She cast her eyes down towards floor, unable to stand the look he was giving her for much longer. "Bryce," she started. "I love Chuck." She said, and when she looked up Bryce's smile was gone and he nodded.

"I got it, Sarah." He turned around and went back to the corner he'd been in before. Sarah swallowed and went back up the stairs. She didn't want to see the fallen look on his face. What else did he think her answer would be? Did he think for a moment that she would go through all this hell for Chuck, attempt to return and then get with Bryce? She shook her head. _Surely not. _

She went over to Chuck's sleeping form on the couch. She bent down and placed a hand in his hair, smiling at the familiar feeling of his hair through her fingers. She knew he should sleep; that she should leave him be, but she just wanted to have some contact with him and she could fight it no longer. She ran her hand back and forth through his mop of hair, smiling to herself. Chuck stirred and his eyes fluttered open; surprise and what Sarah thought was pleasure crossed his face.

"Hey," Sarah greeted, giving him a slight smile.

"Hey," Chuck repeated, wiping his eyes with his hand. Sarah continued to run _her_ hand through his hair.

"I wanted to apologize for earlier," she started. "I reacted wrong. You have every right to be mad at me and I have _no _right to get angry with you." She was whispering now. "I want to make it up to you, Chuck; and I will by making you two safe again."

"Sarah," Chuck began, reaching up and grabbing her hand that was in his hair. "I know you will." He brought her hand to his chest and squeezed it gently. Sarah smiled slightly, glad he wasn't telling her to get out of his sight and leave him alone, which she had to admit, the thought he would had crossed her mind once. He brought his head up slightly and Sarah's breath caught in her throat. She glanced at his lips then back up to his eyes. The look in his eyes told her he was certainly intending to kiss her and she closed her eyes and waited to feel his lips press against hers.

When their lips did meet, Sarah could no longer breathe. It was a short kiss, very gentle and not rushed. It wasn't a kiss which signified their problems were over; more like a comforting one, where they could express themselves openly. When they parted Sarah opened her eyes to see Chuck staring at her. She offered him a slight smile and squeezed his hand. He pressed his forehead against hers and sighed, still grasping her hand.

Despite the feelings rushing through Sarah, she could still sense the edge in Chuck's body. He didn't fully trust her, and it showed. It stung Sarah and not for the first time she cursed the CIA and the havoc they had and made and caused her to make in her and Chuck's life.

"Trust me, Chuck." Sarah whispered and felt Chuck stiffen just a little. _I'm not Jill._

Chuck didn't respond, just laid another kiss upon her lips and cupped her face with his hands. After another soft kiss Chuck pulled away and Sarah felt the emptiness of his absence.

"Can I really trust you, Sarah? As much as I want to...I have another person I protect now, I won't subject her to more pain than she's already experienced. I'm not the only one you need to rebuild trust with." With that he stood, leaving Sarah squatting by the couch.

* * *

_I tell my love to wreck it all _

_Cut of all the ropes and let me fall_

_my my my my my my_

_Right at this moment this orders tall_

…

Smith was a patriot.

He grinned to himself. It was something he did very rarely. This was going too well. Walker was so distracted with trying to reconnect with her family he seriously doubted she'd be too much trouble when push came to shove. All he'd have to do is threaten the idiot and their spawn and Walker would be putty in his hands. He lowered his binoculars when Bartowski walked away from Walker and he watched her sit there by the couch for a moment before standing. From his vantage point, he could see into the living room. From the others he had strategically placed, he had almost a complete view, minus the Bartowski spawn's room. That was the one blind spot. Not that he cared to even see the girl; she looked too much like Walker. Smith _loathed _Walker. He'd never met her personally, but he had heard plenty of stories about the female agent that made him hate her. He didn't even think she was a bit attractive, though he had seen other men drool over her. He scowled.

"Red leader, come in." He spoke into his watch.

"Red leader," A man greeted, and Smith looked over to his right and could barely make out the small outline of the sniper.

"Stay in position. I'll have some food and water brought up to you. In the meantime, stay here until ordered otherwise" Smith ordered. He wanted to keep the sniper nearby, just in case he had to make a quick kill on one of the agents. One thing Smith loved was the knowledge that if he had wanted to blow Walker's or Bartowski's brains out, he could have. It was only his training that kept him from killing the Intersect; and only the fact that his superiors wanted to test Bartowski kept Smith from killing the male.

"Affirmative, sir. Red out."

"I want everyone in ghost mode," Smith started. "The last thing we need is for the occupants inside to have the slightest suspicion we're here."

A chorus of "roger that's" filled Smith's ear. Soon everything would be in place and they'd secure CHAOS' place as a world power; and he'd get everything his superiors had promised him. He'd get the revenge on the government that had ruined his life, he'd finally show his scum of the earth father that yes, he really did hate the United States of America.

Smith was a patriot, just not of the normal kind. His allegiances lay with CHAOS.

* * *

_I told you to be patient And I told you to be fine_

_I told you to be balanced And I told you to be kind_

_In the morning I'll be with you_

_But it will be a different kind_

_I'll be holding all the tickets and you'll be owning all the fines_

…

Chuck shut his bedroom door gently. Sinking onto his bed, he sighed. He wasn't sure why he'd done that; he had just needed to. Emily had been right in the kitchen; what was she thinking right now?

Chuck wanted to trust Sarah, he really did. He knew she was ready to make amends with him and Emily but he just _couldn't_ trust her even though he had tried when they kissed. His heart was still in defense mode, ready to cower at the first sign of betrayal from the woman he loved.

Their kiss hadn't been very romantic. It was more like Chuck's attempt to show her how he felt about everything. He hoped it worked, because he needed Sarah to understand him. He needed her to understand his motives. He simply couldn't trust someone who'd hurt them so badly. _We need more time. _

* * *

_Come on skinny love what happened here? _

_Suckle on the hope in lite brassieres _

_my my my, my my my_

_Sullen load is full, so slow on the split_

…

Emily sunk into the kitchen chair, staring blankly at the floor. What was her father doing? Was he really going to get back with Sarah so soon?

Emily had thought her dad had said something, but had only seen his lips move. He'd been speaking too quietly. Sarah had said something too, her hand in Chuck's hair.

Then they had kissed. Emily had been so angry she had to turn away from the sight. Her father was opening up to this woman? She'd barely been around twenty four hours and he was already locking lips with her?

When Emily had turned back around her dad had been whispering to her mom. Emily had tried to hear his words, but just couldn't. What was he saying that he had to whisper? Maybe Emily was paranoid, but she didn't want her dad getting reattached her mother because in the end, _Sarah_ would desert them again. She'd probably just make up another excuse about why she had to leave to "protect them" and then be gone for good, causing her dad even more pain.

Emily wasn't sure that Sarah had been telling her the truth about Bryce, but what else did she have to go on? She'd need to ask her dad. She wanted to find out if her mother was telling her the truth or not.

Whether it was the truth or not, Emily knew that she was about to lose her self control.

* * *

_I told you to be patient And I told you to be fine_

_I told you to be balanced And I told you to be kind_

_In the morning I'll be with you_

_But it will be a different kind_

_And now all your love is wasted_

_And who the hell was I? _

_I'm breaking at the britches _

_And at the end of all your lines_

…

Sarah looked out the living room window just above the couch. She was still crouched there; wishing the spot before her still was occupied by Chuck; but he'd gone into his bedroom. Was he regretting kissing her? She hoped not. That was one of the best things she'd felt in ten years. She felt like they actually had a chance now; that maybe he would forgive her and let her come home at some point.

_We can do this, Chuck. Just give us time. _Sarah thought, her hands resting on the couch in front of her. She wished she could go into his bedroom and show him how she felt, but that was a bad idea.

_I'm not the only one you need to rebuild trust with. _So Chuck was looking out for Emily. Sarah was proud of her husband despite the fact they were on the rocks. He was taking care of Emily the way she always knew he would. He was keeping her from danger.

That's what Sarah was, wasn't she? She was danger; knocking at their door. But, Sarah would regain their trust, and then _never _leave them again. This was her chance to vindicate herself and really make it up to them. She would show them how much she really loved them by taking down the people threatening their lives. She was much better with actions than words. What better way to show someone you love them than by keeping them safe?

Sarah stood up just as the secure gate in the front yard opened and a black convertible Solstice pulled through the driveway. The driver wore a baseball cap and dark sunglasses. _Who the hell is that? _Sarah thought.

"Bryce," Sarah yelled and heard Bryce begin running up the stairs, gun it hand. Sarah gestured towards the window and Bryce stepped up to it, letting out a smile and putting his pistol down. "Who is it?"

Bryce chuckled. "You should be able to tell, Sarah" he stated and opened the door to the new agent who took the cap off and shook out her hair. She pulled her sunglasses off and gave Sarah a smirk.

"Hey, Walker." She greeted.

"Carina?"

_Who will love you?_

_Who will fight? _

_Who will fall far behind? _

_Ooh, ooh_

…

* * *

**Btw, I also know what you are thinking now. "How can i get her to update faster?!" Well, the simple answer is...Review!! And make sure to tell me how wonderfly awesome I am :p In all seriousness though. Please review :-)**


	11. Almost Happy

**Chapter _11_!** **Yay! :-) I hope you enjoy this! Thanks to Wep for Beta editing and Yokaputo for giving me an early review and totally just being awesome :-) **

**The song this chapter is Almost Happy by K's Choice, thanks to Wep for suggesting it to me. **

* * *

_If I could look beyond your face  
And photograph your hidden place  
Would I find you smiling in the picture  
I don't know what you want  
Because you don't know,  
So what's the point of asking__... _

…

Carina stepped in, pushing past Sarah and Bryce, her smirk faded from her features. She stepped up to the living room window and quickly pulling the curtains closed. "Get your heads out of your asses." She glared at them. "Nice going, Sarkin." Sarah and Bryce exchanged a confused look.

"Did she just..." Chuck trailed off and Sarah glanced at him. Carina swept past them all, casting two looks at Emily who was quietly brooding behind Chuck.

"So did you two leave _the entire_ house so open? Seriously, you two are acting like fresh recruits from the Farm. Are you sure you want to actually keep your assets safe?"

Sarah then realized her mistake. Carina had probably seen straight into the living room driving up their dirt road. What the hell _h_ad she been thinking? "Dammit," Sarah cursed and followed the other female agent into the hall. "How bad was it?" She questioned.

"Bad. I could see almost everyone in the living room. Granted the sun was on your side but at night? Thought you had more brains than that, Walker." She stopped and turned around to face the blonde. She looked past her to Chuck and Emily allowing a faint smile to pass over her features. "Wow. Looks just like you. Is that creepy or something? I feel like I'm looking at you twenty years ago." Sarah turned her head to glance at Emily and nodded.

"Yeah, she does." _She's prettier than I ever was though. _She turned back around to face Carina. "I need you to promise me you'll protect them. No crazy ideas, no flirting, no - listen, just be on your _best _behavior."

Carina gave her an amused look. "You got it. You leave them for ten years, never contact them once, show back up with a CHAOS agent...I'm sure you don't have any problems huh? Don't worry; with the way Chuck looks now," Carina paused and looked Chuck up and down before continuing. "he's lost all his cutishness." Sarah looked back at the nerd, who was talking quietly with Emily. She did notice the sadness in his eyes, but she thought he was still as handsome as the day they met.

"Just promise me you'll keep them safe. I'm going to do whatever I can to keep them safe but...just in case, Carina. If I'm not around you and Bryce will be all they have."

"You got it, Sarah. The DEA isn't usually ever involved with the protection of CIA assets but, I owed you a favor from Rome."

"You owe me a lot of favors." Sarah replied and went back into the living room.

"Sarkin? Seriously?" Chuck started. "What does she call us? Charah?"

Sarah couldn't help but snort. _How stupid would that be? _Bryce chuckled. "You forgot about that, Sarah? She used to always call us that when we were together." He must have noticed the slight change in Sarah's features and immediately corrected himself. "As partners. Anyways, we were Sarkin."

_Imagine people fighting whether Charah or Sarkin were better...now how stupid would _that_ be? _Sarah nodded; the memory of Carina calling them that had almost faded.

Carina reentered and faced the foursome. "Well, now that this house is properly secured we should scan the surrounding area. You never know where CHAOS is." Sarah looked at Bryce, her eyes brows knitting. "You didn't even begin to think of it?" Carina asked. "I'll do it." With that she strode out, slamming the door behind her.

"So," Emily started, her eyes flashing. "Yet another agent you have a history with. Anything else you'd like to tell me?"

"Emily, don't." Chuck started.

"Don't tell me what to do!" Emily replied. "I've been quiet long enough and I'm sick of this! How can you expect me to be okay? My whole damn life was turned upside down in five minutes! My mom who's been gone for most of my life just shows up along with some psycho who was going to kill both of us and on top of it all, I find out my dad – the man I trust the most – has been lying to me for my whole life!" Emily exploded, leaving Sarah dumbfounded. She should have known this was coming; a girl can only take so much. Sarah glanced at Chuck, who didn't seem surprised but remained quiet.

Emily lowered her voice slightly. "Now I find out my mom is a killer, some CIA agent who kills people like I eat food." Sarah stiffened, the words hurt her. That was how Emily saw her? Just a killer?

"How many people did _you _kill, Dad?" Emily asked, her eyes turning accusatory. Sarah looked at Chuck, who seemed genuinely disturbed by the question. But Sarah could count on one finger how many people had died by his hand.

"Five," Chuck stated. Emily seemed surprised at the number and Sarah decided she must be relieved in the small number. "My first "confirmed kill" was someone I didn't even touch. The next "confirmed kill" was at a base of operations for an enemy agency. He tripped and fell out a window. I tried to save him but his sleeve tore and he fell. My actual first kill was a man named Yuri Sokolov, a Russian agent who had your mother cornered and was about to take her life. My fourth kill was another accident; I tried to help him out of the street before a car came. My fifth kill was two days before I proposed to your mother, when someone else was about to hurt her." He paused and exhaled deeply. Sarah could remember vividly the failure she had felt when Chuck had purposely taken those two men's lives. She hadn't loved him any less, but she had hoped to keep him from that loss of innocence.

Emily's anger didn't seem to have abated at all. "Why did you lie? You should have known I would have kept that to myself! Who was I going to tell? You always instilled in me how important honesty was! How could you lie to me?"

"Emily, I was ordered to stay quiet. One thing I have learned during my time is that you don't cross the government without bad consequences." Chuck replied defensively. Sarah looked between the two who were locked at the eyes This wasn't what she wanted; Emily was supposed to lean on Chuck for comfort, not argue with him.

"You don't lie and desert your family without bad consequences!" Emily cried, her eyes dancing between Chuck and Sarah. "I'm beginning to wonder if I ever knew anything real about either one of you!"

Sarah stood in silence. She didn't know what to tell the angry brunette before her. She would be pissed too if she were in Emily's position. Emily was entering the anger stage now and Sarah didn't think she was going to be able to help her at all. Emily locked eyes with Sarah.

"You know what? I'm done pretending like I don't hate you. Look what you did? You screwed us over leaving and you screwed us over coming back! I don't want to forgive you and I don't want to pretend I am okay! I was fine with you gone! And then I see you two kissing like nothing was wrong! Dad, why aren't you thinking?"

"Stop it!" Chuck ordered. "CHAOS would have found us either way! Do you think you'd still be standing here if she wouldn't have shown up?" Emily was quiet, keeping a solid gaze on Chuck. "Be thankful she was there to save us because both of us would be dead otherwise." He glanced at Sarah who was looking up at him. "And you don't understand what happened in there." His eyes found Emily's again. "Nor do I have to explain myself to you."

Emily hated her? Sarah knew that it made sense for her daughter to hate her but, it still hurt like hell to hear her say it. Was there any hope for her and Emily? She was suddenly fighting back aof tears. Emily hated her; and with good reason. Sarah was really beginning to think she made the wrong decision when she decided to leave. She'd been so sure, but seeing the repercussions of her decision first hand caused her to doubt herself.

Sarah looked around to see Bryce missing. She secretly thanked him there was no way she wanted him (or Carina) to see this. This was their private issue and she hated the fact that Bryce had seen so much of it.

"If she hadn't have left in the first place would CHAOS be after us?" Emily blurted. Chuck closed his mouth, silently agreeing with the sixteen year old. Emily turned to Sarah.

"No," Sarah stated and both of them looked at her. "No, CHAOS most likely wouldn't be. Chuck would probably be home by now if the CIA had taken him. None of this would be in play." She was speaking mostly to herself. She finally realized that what Chuck said was the truth; she should have talked to him. They both should have worked something out. Now, because of her impulsiveness she was still dealing with the repercussions of her decision right now; if she had only trusted in Chuck, they'd most likely all be together as a happy family.

"Emily," Sarah started, stepping closer to the girl. "Don't blame your father for any of this. The lies, the secrets, and the skeletons in the closet…they all came from me." She accented this by pointing a finger at herself. "So you wanna be mad at someone? Don't take it out on him. I realize what I did wasn't a good decision. It turned the people I love against me and rightly so. I'm still going to right what I can. I'm going to get you two safe."

Chuck and Emily simply stared at her, both of them listening intently to what she was saying. Sarah knew she'd always been good at getting people's attention and getting them to listen to her. Sarah dropped her voice as she realized she was talking far louder than necessary.

"I'm sorry for what I did. It wasn't the right choice. I'm going to make right what I can and take what I get from you two. I don't know how much pain I've caused you and I admit, I was a bit focused on how I felt instead of you. You need someone to be mad at, Emily? Be mad at me." She paused a moment. "What I really need though, is for you to cooperate. I need you to listen to me, not because I want some authority over you but because your life may depend on it. Do you understand?" She kept her tone gentle, she didn't want to cause her and Emily to go a few rounds. Emily just needed to agree to do whatever Sarah ordered her to. "Trust me, Emily." She had a sense of déjà vu asking Emily to trust her. "I had to ask your dad that same thing."

Emily finally nodded.

"Thank you," Sarah said.

* * *

_You're almost happy  
Almost content  
But your head hurts  
Far too many ways to go  
We learn so much but never know_

_Where to look  
Or when we should stop looking_

_I can love the whole of you.  
The poetry I stole from you  
And hide inside my stomach_

…

Bryce stood quietly in the basement with Carina who had just finished her perimeter sweep. He had to admit, being around Sarah and Chuck was getting more and more awkward by the minute. First it had been the quiet avoidance and now it was turning into loud conflict. They had so many problems it made him glad he had no family. This was what the life of a spy did; it tore all of your roots away and caused you to hurt those closest to you. He did it with Sarah, Sarah did it with him. Now Sarah had done it to Chuck and Emily.

Now, Emily was an interesting case. She was so much like Sarah, yet so much like Chuck and Ellie. It was like someone took all three of them and threw them into one person. She looked so much like Sarah that Bryce would catch himself staring at her, simply because he was amazed at the resemblance.

Carina stepped up behind him. "That's why I never wanted a family." She motioned with her head towards the stairs.

"You can't blame her for wanting a normal life. She had a good one going until the CIA decided they wanted Chuck. Whatever she's going through, it's only because Chuck and Emily don't understand." Bryce would openly admit he sided with Sarah here. Sarah was a spy. She communicated how much she cared for them by showing how far she'd go to keep them safe. Because they hadn't lived in the same environment as Sarah, they were in a different mindset about how love was shown. "Sarah shows that it is possible to have a family after living this life. It was only the fact that the CIA broke their promise that she is here right now."

"Sarah is an exception. Not a rule." Carina replied.

"I like to think she isn't," Bryce looked the brunette in the eyes. "Just because you never had a desire to be normal doesn't mean that other agents don't."

"So, what was your dream, Bryce?" Carina started, a small smile crossing her face. "How often did you fantasize about you and Sarah getting to live a normal life?"

"That was years ago. I've resigned myself to the fact that I'll never get to have that happiness. But I still hope Sarah does. No one else deserves it more."

"She's going to live with this over her shoulder for the rest of her life. Do you really think she'll ever be able to go back to the relationship she used to have with Chuck? I think not. No matter what she does, she'll always have the shadow of her past to deal with." Carina's eyes drifted off into space and Bryce decided to leave her to her musings. He walked up the stairs to find Emily sitting off in the living room alone and Chuck and Sarah exchanging quiet words by themselves in the far corner of the kitchen. Bryce had a strange compulsion to go to the young girl and found himself crossing the distance between them. Emily looked at him with her sapphire eyes, watching him come closer to her.

_You're almost happy  
Almost content  
But your head hurts_

…

"Hello," Bryce began awkwardly. He had no idea what had possessed him to come over to the girl, but he had almost a fatherly instinct when it came to her. Maybe protective was a better word. Emily was looking at him strangely; a cross between confusion and…something else. Bryce couldn't put his finger on it.

"Hi," Emily replied, maintaining eye contact with the older man. Bryce sat down across from her and ran his hands up and down his legs, looking around. _Why did I even come over here? _

"Do you need something?" Emily asked. She asked in a way that seemed like she was genuinely curious.

"You were pretty upset earlier. I just wanted to make sure you realize you are perfectly safe. That between your mom and me, you and your father couldn't be safer." He wasn't sure why he was saying this, but he just felt like he should. Emily's expression was soaking in confusion.

"Thanks," she replied. She hesitated a moment before asking, "So how long were you my mom's partner?"

"About two years. But after she thought I died, she was assigned to protecting your father. He was an important government asset." Bryce responded. Emily opened her mouth to speak. "Before you even ask," Bryce cut in, a smile on his lips. "I can't tell you _why_."

Emily closed her mouth. She waited a moment before continuing. "Why did she think you died?"

"I got shot by an NSA agent. They thought I had gone rogue – and with good reason – but I really hadn't. The agent shot me and left me for dead in a parking lot. Some bad people found me and froze me, keeping me alive. But, your mother and father found me after I "thawed"," Bryce felt a sense of satisfaction when he saw Emily chuckle quietly. "And I stayed a couple days with them before leaving again."

"Why didn't my mother rejoin you as your partner?" Emily asked, leaning forward slightly.

"Because she wanted to stay with Chuck." He smiled. "By then they'd been around each other long enough for feelings to develop between them. I had to come back again, a year later. I found them falling in love and despite my warning for them to distance themselves," He smiled when Emily's eyes widened. "Yeah, actually, it was against protocol for your parents to have any kind of personal relations. It didn't stop them apparently. Anyways, even though I cautioned them to not let their feelings have a hold, I don't think they listened to me." He paused, taking a breath.

"So, it was actually against the rules for them to have a relationship?" Emily asked.

Bryce nodded. "Yeah. The third time I saw them, just a few months after I tried to get them to distance themselves from each other was because you're father found a way to make himself…less valuable and the government didn't need him anymore. Your mother was assigned to be my partner again, to battle an agency much like CHAOS now. But, the day of your aunt and uncle's wedding, Sarah told me she wasn't going to leave. She stayed because she knew she was done with the life of an agent, it wasn't what she wanted anymore. She just wanted to be with your dad."

"But then she left six years later," Emily's eyes traveled to her shoes, which had suddenly become very interesting.

"But not because she wanted to," Bryce said, offering her a comforting smile. "You see, your mother has a…different past. It has given her a special set of issues. She can't express herself well with words and so she has to _show _people how she feels, with her body language and her eyes."

"Did she rejoin you? After she left?" Emily asked, looking back up at the very attractive agent.

"Only at first. We'd see each other at random times during the last ten years. We'd usually be assigned a mission together for certain things. Usually we were apart though."

"Oh," Emily replied. Bryce wanted to tell her about the short but so meaningful talks he and Sarah used to have about Chuck and Emily. He always envied the spark in her eye when she'd talk about them, wishing Sarah had felt that way about him. But he had still loved to hear her mention them, just because of the beauty of it. It has always made Bryce wish he had that with someone.

"You know you're safe, right?" Bryce asked. Once again he could explain why he wanted to protect the girl in front of him so much.

Emily nodded. "I do. It's just that I feel like I've never heard a true thing about my parents."

"There's one thing you can be certain is true. Is that I've never seen the kind of bond or love that your parents have and share with you. They both love you, and don't doubt it." Bryce smiled and stood.

"I know. But love doesn't stop people from making mistakes." Emily whispered.

"No, it doesn't. Love's crazy. It can make us do some stupid things. But protecting you and your father was not one of Sarah's. Maybe the way she went about it wasn't the best, but she really did have your best interest at heart." Bryce turned and walked away, deciding to give girl her privacy.

* * *

_It's easy to get lost in you  
And fall asleep inside of you  
I want to return to you  
A reason to be here  
A reason to be here_

…

Emily watched the older man walk away, a small smile on her lips. When he first approached her, she'd feared what he was going to say. But he had given her more explanation than her own parents and she had no reason to doubt his honesty. He had a trustworthy smile and she really liked his eyes. Emily watched him disappear into the basement and broke into a childish grin. She really liked this Bryce Larkin; and she appreciated his honesty and openness. Maybe not all agents were as screwed up as her mother.

She'd never really looked at Bryce or really paid him any attention. But now it was hard to stop replaying their conversation over and over in her head. She tried to wipe the silly grin off her face and failed miserably. _I'm such a dork! _She thought before covering her face with her hands.

This was going to be interesting.

* * *

_No I don't know what you want  
And you don't know  
So what's the point of asking  
You're almost happy  
Almost content  
But your head hurts _

…

* * *

**Thanks for reading! If you didn't get a couple things in this chapter (in reference to Sarkin/Charah) its cause they were an inside joke and I couldn't help myself. ;-) P****lease remember to review! Also, remember this writer is a douche, who can't get her A/Ns right the first time.**


	12. Ache

**Okay guys, I wanted to get this chapter out before I'm gone over the weekend and I knew if I didn't post it now it'd be the end of next week before I did ;-) The song this time is Ache by James Carrington, I thought it fit perfectly with our Charah. **

**Thanks to Wepdiggy for his awesome beta editing! **

* * *

_Isn't __Isn't it strange?  
The way things can change  
Life that you lead turned on its head  
Suddenly someone means more than you felt before  
House in its yard turns into hope  
I'm sorry but I meant to say  
Many things are on the way  
This one's for you_

_... _

Ellie sat on her and Devon's living room couch, trying to drown out the racket being made by her boisterous boys. Cell phone in hand, she called Chuck's cell and made a disgusted sound when she got a disconnected tone. She threw the phone on the couch in anger as the boys ran past her, yelling and throwing a ball back and forth.

"Stop it!" Ellie called, their noise beginning to grate on her already strained nerves. What was Chuck thinking, meeting Sarah? She'd _never _understand what went through that head of his. He was thrusting Emily into a situation she would not react well to. Emily couldn't be put in a position with Sarah like this and be okay; she'd need to warm up to the idea first.

Ellie was sick with worry. Chuck should have called her by now. What had Sarah done? Where has she whisked them off to? She didn't like the idea of Chuck with Sarah. Chuck still loved Sarah and Ellie hoped that her brother would keep a level head about the whole situation.

Hunter and Matthew ran through the backdoor, leaving Ellie in a sudden silence. She didn't know what to do. She wanted to talk to Chuck and Emily so badly; wanted to be there for them. _Especially Emily. I just know she's having a hard time. _

Part of Ellie felt like her territory was being invaded. Not that she staked any claim on her brother or niece, but she had invested just as much time with them as her own family. She didn't like Sarah taking them off somewhere without her around. Maybe she was being silly, but she didn't care. Chuck would be getting an earful from her when she saw him.

* * *

_Have I told you I ache, have I told you I ache,  
Have I told you I ache, for you...  
Have I told you I ache, have I told you I ache,  
have I told you I ache, for you _

_... _

"You shouldn't be upset with her," Sarah told Chuck, looking back at their daughter. "She's right."

"Sarah, there a line between telling people how you feel and just lashing out in anger and she crossed it. No matter how angry she gets at us we're her parents and she just can't do that."

"Chuck, she's an upset girl. You have to let her vent. I'm surprised she even lasted that long. She's too much like Ellie and you to just stand aside."

Chuck looked past Sarah at the fifteen year old sitting on the couch located in the living room. He saw Bryce come up the stairs and head for Emily, which caused him to stiffen. He didn't want Bryce near Emily. He didn't want her to have too much contact with _any _spy…excluding Sarah of course.

"What?" Sarah asked and turned her head. A series of emotions flashed on Sarah's face, too fast for Chuck to interpret.

"I don't know Sarah, but something about Bryce talking to Emily just…Well, I just don't like it."

"It's natural, Chuck." Sarah replied, turning back to face him. Her clear blue eyes showing understanding. "We've come in and totally disturbed everything…It's natural you don't want us to be near her." She placed a hand on his shoulder. "You've made me proud, Chuck. You've been the father I always knew you would." She gave him a slight smile.

"Sarah, you've got it wrong. I just don't want Bryce and Carina around her. You're a different story." Chuck responded. "No matter what you did, you're still her mother… and my friend."

_Just friend? _Sarah thought. He couldn't know how hearing "friend"made her feel. She was relieved to hear he would consider her a friend and not an enemy, here to torture him. But the way he said made it sound final; as if they could never be more. _What did I expect? _

Sarah stayed quiet. What was she supposed to say? No way was she going to question what he said. Chuck's eyes met hers and they stood a moment, locked in their gaze. They gave each other an awkward smile, neither one of them knowing exactly what to do now.

"I've got work to do," Sarah said and turned away, heading for the basement where Carina was located. She could feel Chuck's eyes on her; the way they could pierce her and speak to her in a totally different language still caused an ache in Sarah when she thought about the pain the owner of those eyes had endured because of her.

She felt like it took an eternity to make it to those stairs. The thoughts of her most intense memories with Chuck coming back to the surface; probably because she needed him so much. He was the reason she had made it through those years, the reason she had even done that. Anyone else and she was sure she wouldn't have been so quick to defend him.

Their first kiss at the docks, their talk at the fountain after Bryce had shown up the second time, the motel in Barstow, the moment she told Bryce she was staying, the first time they made love, when she discovered she was pregnant, and when Emily was born. All those memories held pain _and_ joy for her. The kiss at the docks had been her desperate need to show him how she felt before they died and she'd been frightened at what kind of relationship Chuck would offer once she realized they weren't going to die right there. The talk at the fountain had been very painful for her, she'd gone to tell him the same thing yes, but, it still hurt to hear _him _say it. To hear _him _deciding it would never work.

Barstow had been both of them finally giving into how they felt. They had been on the run and the government already wanted them captured dead or alive. Why should they care about being "professional"? But they'd been interrupted to Sarah's disappointment and then again when Sarah tried to tell Chuck she was staying.

The first time they had made love was…different than anything Sarah had experienced with another man. She'd felt a bond with him she hadn't felt with another. Her connection with Bryce had been more confusing. But with Chuck it had felt so _right_, like nothing else in the world was as good as what they had.

Her finding out she was pregnant was one of the happiest moments in her life.

* * *

_The time that it took  
Riding wiles for my book  
Seems to have broken in half  
The gate that I shut  
Last time I got hurt  
Seems to have opened_

…

_Sarah gripped the small object in her hand, sitting on the closed lid of the toilet and waiting for the results. Her stomach was twisted in a nervous knot as she tapped her foot impatiently. She'd been feeling strange for a few weeks now and it wasn't until today she realized exactly what might be the matter. So, she'd gone to the nearest store and (after thoroughly comparing the different brands via her iPhone) bought up the best one she could find. It's been two minutes! Why is it taking so long? Did I do it right? I didn't miss. Breathe, just breath. She inhaled and exhaled deeply, trying to keep herself from shaking. She was terrified and excited at the same time about what this would say. She put it down on the sink and turned her back to it, tapping her hands against her legs. _

_When she couldn't bear it anymore she spun around and grabbed up the small pink object. The sight that greeted her caused her breath to hitch. "Oh my god" was all she thought over and over as she bit her bottom lip. A grin spread across her features and the realization of what was happening hit her. The little plus sign told her everything she wanted. She was going to have a baby. She was going to have Chuck's baby. _

_Tears of happiness filled her eyes. I have to call him! No, wait…I need to plan something. What should I do? Should I get Ellie involved? No…I want Chuck to know first. She grabbed some toilet paper and wrapped up the positive pregnancy test and stuffed it at the bottom of the trash can. She didn't want him to see before she had the chance to tell him. _

_What was she going to do? How was she going to tell him? She wanted it to be special. Chuck would be home in just a few minutes and she needed to think fast. She hurried into the kitchen, looking around and hoping she'd find some kind of inspiration. She sighed when she found nothing. What would Chuck like best? _

_Usually Sarah was able to think quickly. Give her a life or death situation and she'd make a decision in a blink of an eye…but give her something like this and she just froze. She didn't know what to do. She wanted it to be perfect. _

_She saw a flash of light through the living room window and stepped up to it. Chuck was home. Sarah exhaled nervously. How will he react? Does he want a baby? This is a huge step for us. We didn't plan this but, it's going to be wonderful. Oh, God, please let him be okay with it. She pulled out her iPhone and quickly googled something._

_Chuck entered and gave Sarah his special grin that only she received. She loved his smile. Oh, I hope that our baby gets his mouth and his smile. Sarah went up to him and wrapped her arms around him tightly, pressing her lips against his firmly. After she pulled away she squeezed him tighter against her, grinning widely. _

"_What's that for?" Chuck's eyes sparkled as he placed a kiss on her cheek. Sarah sighed contentedly and brought him close again. _

"_I love you," Sarah said. She always felt triumph whenever she said those three words, despite the fact she said it regularly now. But it never felt routine, which she knew could happen to people. No, when she and Chuck said "I love you" they really meant it. There was no routine about it. _

"_Chuck," Sarah started, pulling back to look him in the eyes, a smile on her face. She raised up her iPhone, which a baby name site was present. "We need to pick one of these out." She watched his face turn from confusion, to surprise, to nervousness, to utter joy. _

"_Are you – oh my god, you're pregnant!" He beamed and picked her up, spinning her around in a quick circle before returning her feet to the ground. "Sarah! This is wonderful!" _

"_I know!" She cried and wrapped her arms around him in a bear hug. "Chuck, we're going to be parents." She exclaimed excitedly. _

"_We need to tell everyone!" Chuck bent down and placed a meaningful and loving kiss on her lips, drawing her close and they shared an intimate moment, each just communicating their love. They were going to be parents; they were going to show the world how much they loved one another. A child was the most important thing for them to share and now it was theirs. _

_He looked down at the first name on the phone._

_Emily._

* * *

_All the world has been unknown  
It's trying to catch me up  
Tell me to appreciate here and now  
I'm sorry but I meant to say  
Many things are on the way  
This one's for you_

…

Sarah exhaled raggedly. That was one of their happiest moments. Sarah wouldn't trade the years they had for anything. She'd never felt more alive.

* * *

_Have I told you I ache?  
Have I told you I ache?  
Have I told you I ache  
For you?_

…

"_We're home," Chuck exclaimed, grinning ear to ear. Their beautiful new bundle of joy had arrived and with her had come a joy and love that neither one of them had experienced before. She was their world now. They'd do everything in their power to keep her safe and sound. _

_Sarah held the small infant close, gazing at her face. Emily slept peacefully in her arms and pride swelled in Sarah's chest. "Chuck, we made this. Can you believe that?" Sarah had never been experienced an awe like this. _

"_Hopefully she got most of your genes," Chuck joked and slid down beside Sarah who was located on the couch. "That way it'll be easier to teach her how to beat the boys off," He looked at Emily. "Because, she's gonna need it cause she already has your looks." _

_Sarah chuckled. "Very funny," She smiled at her husband, the joy she felt reflected in his eyes. "I love you," _

"_I love you," Chuck leaned in and kissed her lightly. "We're pretty good at this making babies stuff huh?" _

"_I'm pretty good. I did all the work," Sarah joked. Chuck had plenty of work dealing with me. A former spy with pregnancy hormones? Scary at times. _

"_Hey, I said the "making babies" part; I didn't say the pregnancy part." He laughed. _

"_Oh, I see. Yes, we're so good at that." Sarah grinned and felt Emily wrap her hand against her finger. Sarah looked down at the child and marveled at how tiny she was. Sarah's index finger dwarfed the child's whole hand. "She has a strong grip." The blonde remarked. _

_Sarah had known the instant she'd seen that small plus sign that she loved the life growing inside of her. Now that she could touch and see her and Chuck's creation, she has a bond with this little girl. She'd love her no matter what deeds Emily committed. This was her and Chuck's child. This was a dream come true. _

_Sarah then realized. She had everything she ever wanted. _

_Have I told you I ache?  
Have I told you I ache?  
Have I told you I ache  
For you?_

…

* * *

**So yeah, this was mostly a flashback chapter and it was shorter than I've recently been writing but I hoped you enjoyed anyways. I really enjoyed writing the two flashbacks as writing happy Charah is definitely one of my favorite things to do. So, please review too as those motivate me to write more and also because I just really like reviews :D**


	13. Hundred

**So, Starbuck aka Coffee has finally decided to torture you guys with another chapter!! ;-)**

**I really enjoyed writing this chapter and hope you enjoy reading it just as much. Song this chapter is Hundred by The Fray.**

**Thanks to Wepdiggy for the Beta. He puts himself through visual torture each chapter just for you guys. Thanks Wep!!**

* * *

_T__he how I can't recall  
But I'm staring at what once was the wall  
Separating east and west  
Now they meet amidst the broad daylight_

_... _

Emily sat on the edge of her bed, tapping her foot against the ground and biting her lower lip. The shower was still going, so that meant Sarah wasn't back in her room yet. Emily had been sitting there since Sarah had entered the shower, trying to get up her courage to approach her mother. She would openly admit that the blonde was intimidating; her sharp eyes and the edge in her walk were only two of the reasons Emily found herself cautious around Sarah. She also knew that her mother was a killer and probably knew a hundred ways to incapacitate her. While she was pretty sure that the blonde wouldn't resort to such measures with her, she really didn't know her mother.

_I don't know her. She's a stranger. _The thought caused Emily pain. She'd always wished that she could have known Sarah; had that bond that mothers and daughters possessed; now she was so close to perhaps being able to grab onto a whisper of what she wanted. Her desire to talk to Sarah prevented her from being able to think of anything else, but the nervousness she felt caused her throat to tighten at the thought of approaching Sarah.

The sound of water pounding against the tub suddenly ceased and Emily inhaled deeply. She'd wait for a little bit after Sarah entered her room to ensure that she would be decent. She heard the bathroom door open and saw the light spill through the gap in between the door and the hardwood floor. She swallowed hard and counted the seconds slowly, her pulse beginning to race.

_One, two, three, four, five, six, seven…_

She waited for a few more moments before standing and beginning to pace. _Okay, if I don't go now I never will. _She started for the door and put her hand in the knob, hesitating. _I can't do it. Yes, I can. I need to. I want to. _But still her hand did not move. _Dammit, Emily, move! _She gritted her teeth and twisted the knob, slipping out into the hall. Sarah's door was cracked and Emily stepped up to it, gulping. She brought her knuckles to the door and rapped lightly.

"Come in," Sarah called.

* * *

_So this is where you are, and this is where I am  
Somewhere between unsure and a hundred_

_... _

Chuck entered the kitchen, finding Carina sitting at the table. "Hey, Chuckie." Carina greeted.

"Um, hey," he replied, sitting down at the table. He hadn't seen Carina in a long time and seeing her gave him familiar pains. His and Sarah's relationship had been simple then compared to now. "So do you three have everything worked out around our protection?"

"For the most part," Carina replied. It amazed Chuck that even saying something that simple Carina somehow made it seem like she was flirting. "Sarah's been hard to get alone though, so Bryce and I had to do it ourselves."

"I know how that is," Chuck murmured, shifting in his seat slightly. Carina chuckled.

"Do you really think Sarah would want to be alone with you right now? Sarah is scared of you and Emily; it's written all over her face. She knows how she hurt you and now she doesn't know what to do with the guilt she's feeling or how to make it better."

Chuck was surprised Carina had even noticed anything, much less taken the time to tell him that. Maybe she wasn't quite as detached as she seemed. "Why would she be scared of us?" He asked.

"This is Sarah we're talking about. I know it's been awhile, but you _do _remember Sarah, right? The Sarah _I _know and am seeing is the one who can't talk about her feelings and has trouble expressing all emotions. Who have you been married to?" Carina replied condescendingly.

"I guess you're right," Chuck replied. He'd gotten so used to the Sarah he'd been married to, he'd forgotten exactly what Sarah was like.

Carina nodded. "You know, not that I care about what goes on between you and Sarah, but I saw her a couple times. Wasn't a pretty sight."

Chuck had a love/hate relationship with Carina's lack of sugar coating. He knew that she'd tell him exactly what she thought when she thought it and while it could be quite irritating, it was also a plus. "What was she like?"

"Well," Carina began. "A lot like..."

* * *

"Emily?" Sarah said in surprise.

"Can we talk?" Emily asked; her pulse was still racing and her palms were sweaty. Sarah hesitated in her reply, and Emily was certain she was about to turn her away.

"Of course," Sarah replied, sitting down on her bed and drawing her legs around her Indian style. "Have a seat." She waited until Emily placed herself on the bed before asking, "What do you need?"

"I...well...I just wanted to ask you some questions," Emily said slowly, watching Sarah's face carefully. She was disappointed when the woman's face darkened a bit.

"Questions about what?"

"Things Dad was never able to tell me...because it hurt too much," she added carefully. Sarah looked away from her daughter's eyes. She took a moment before returning her gaze to Emily.

"Okay, shoot. But some things I might not be able to tell you," She warned.

"Um, it's nothing about the...spy thing...it's well...how did you two meet?" Emily asked, placing her palms together. Sarah looked down at Emily's hand and placed hers over Emily's.

"Don't be nervous," Sarah said, offering Emily a slight smile.

"Me? Nervous? No."

"Your hand is a little moist," Sarah commented.

"It does that when I'm freaking out," Emily chuckled. Suddenly Sarah was laughing. "What?" Emily asked.

"Your father said the exact same thing once," Sarah explained. Emily's smile grew. She always liked to hear she was like her father. "So...how we met, well, there is some classified information there. We didn't meet traditionally for one."

"How?"

"Well, I can't give particulars but Chuck received some very touchy information about the government and I was sent to retrieve back what he'd gotten. Long story short, I became his CIA handler because he had to be protected."

"So, you two met because of the CIA?"

Sarah nodded. "Yes we did. It didn't take me long to see how special Chuck was." Her gaze fell to the floor, as if remembering. "He was so different from all the other men I'd known. So caring and honest." She looked back into Emily's vibrant eyes. "I was attracted from the start and so was he, for the obvious reasons. I was CIA; we're trained to be beautiful. It didn't matter what you looked like, the CIA could make you beautiful. As women, it's our deadliest weapon sometimes."

"How long before you two started to notice something was there?"

"Not long. Chuck made me realize that there was more to life than what I was doing. That having a family and being happy was an important thing and everyone should be entitled to it. But I came with a lot of baggage..." She trailed off and looked back at Emily. "I need to apologize for something."

"What?"

"I lied to you. About Bryce. Honestly, I don't know why. I think because I have had to constantly reassure everyone that nothing exists between Bryce and I anymore aside from friendship that I thought you'd be the same. So I decided to just cut it out completely and just lie." She exhaled deeply. "I'm sorry for that. I shouldn't have lied to you. Unfortunately, lying is second nature to spies. It's one thing I've always tried to change."

Emily stared at Sarah. "Okay," she replied. "Thanks." Her mother was being honest now; she didn't wait until she found out from another person. Emily was pleased that Sarah had told her. She'd explained why she'd done it and while Emily was hurt that she lied in the first place, she _was _telling the truth now. Sarah seemed surprised at Emily's reaction but Emily pressed forward. "So, you came with a lot of baggage because?"

"I had just gotten out of a relationship with Bryce, who I thought was rogue and dead; I had a lot of emotional stunting, and being a spy really messes you up. All the lies and the death and the violence. Emily, I pray every day you never have to go through that. That's why I'm heartbroken to see you and Chuck put through this now...especially since I brought it. You two don't deserve this."

Emily had to say she was touched. Sarah was genuinely sorry and tearing herself up over what had happened. Emily swallowed. _I'm asking about Bryce later. _"So, how did it work between you and Dad?"

"It was honestly us dancing around each other for the first two years. We both wanted to be with each other but I had a duty to protect him and was willing to sacrifice my happiness for his safety. The CIA won't let a handler become involved with his or her asset. It endangers missions and can lead to disastrous results. So, I pushed your father away, all the while wanting a real life but putting my duty first. I wanted to keep Chuck safe."

"When did things change?"

"When Chuck finally got rid of the information he didn't want. My contract with the CIA was over and I left it behind. The next day Chuck proposed." Sarah's smile grew. "But, the best chapter of our lives was when you were born. You were an accident," Sarah chuckled. "But the best accident we ever had. You were so beautiful and smart," she met Emily eyes. "And you still are. I'm proud of you, Emily. You've done so well, despite the problems I've caused. The relationship between Chuck and me has always been..."

* * *

_It's hard I must confess  
I'm banking on the rest to clear away  
Cause we have spoken everything  
Everything short of I love you_

_... _

"...Complicated." Chuck finished.

Carina had sat and listened to him talk about how he'd felt during those ten years, often telling him what she'd seen in Sarah. Chuck couldn't help but wonder what her ulterior motive was.

"Why?" he started. "Why are you letting me talk to you like this? I thought you didn't care."

Carina hesitated. "Chuck, I know that I may come off as a whore, but I do care about Sarah. I'm not some robot. Sarah's been my friend for a long time and because she married you that makes me your friend too."

"Oh,"

"Chuck, one thing you've got to constantly remember. Sarah is a woman, okay? Women are very passionate about what they think and feel. She loved you and Emily, and so she rushed to save you. Personally, I _know_ it would have been better if you two had never gotten involved, but you can't change the past. Love complicates everything. Love _is _complicated. Whoever tells you otherwise is a lying bastard. Sarah was not happy away from you and Emily, but she still managed to pull through and do her duty. That's what being an agent is; we've been trained to be people of action. So we act on everything, sometimes without even thinking. That's when we make our biggest mistakes, when we let personal feelings guide our actions instead of rational thought."

Chuck looked at her in surprise. He'd never really known Carina; he'd always saw her as the horny DEA agent who had a taste for danger. Apparently she was more than that...much more.

"It's deep, I know," Carina sighed.

"It makes sense," Chuck replied. "Are you speaking from experience?"

"What? You think I'd be stupid enough to fall for some idiot?" Carina snorted. _Okay, maybe I wasn't so far off in my first assessment of her character. _Chuck thought. "I'm just stating the facts. No experience required."

"Got ya," Chuck nodded, staring into the now empty coffee cup Carina had offered him. He figured this would be as close to kind of bonding with Carina as he would get. She was definitely a different and interesting person, but Chuck felt like she carried a lot of pain. Whether she even knew that or not, he still got that vibe.

_I still love Sarah. And I swear I'm going to try..._

* * *

_Right where you are, from right where I am  
Somewhere between unsure and a hundred  
And who's to say it's wrong  
And who's to say that it's not right  
Where we should be for now_

_... _

_...to work it out. I have to, _Sarah thought. She was amazed at the girl before her. Emily was so bright and seemed to just absorb everything Sarah said with hunger. She loved having an open conversation with her daughter. She felt like they had hope for a real relationship after all.

"And that's when I knew that I wanted to be a wife and mother for the rest of my life. I was the happiest I've ever been during those years. Leaving was the..." her voice cracked and tears misted in her eyes. "The hardest thing I've ever had to do."

"You did it because you felt it was the right decision," Emily started. "We all make mistakes sometimes." _Abandoning me was another one. _

"And it's a mistake I've been paying for a long time," Sarah finished, apology in her eyes. _And probably will for the rest of my life. _

Suddenly the hope she had felt seemed to have crashed brilliantly into fiery embers.

* * *

_So this is where you are, and this is where I am  
So this is where you are, and this is where I've been  
Somewhere between unsure and a hundred_

_... _

"Is everything in position?" Smith inquired through the small black cell phone held to his ear.

"Yes," Was the reply. "I'm ready. Move in." The line went dead.

Smith smiled. _After this I think I want some pancakes. _

* * *

**So now we are getting into the thick of it. Again, hope you enjoyed and please review :-) even if its just a simple "good job" I appreciate it.**


	14. Hide and Seek

**So first off I am going to apologize for the wait! This chapter was more difficult for me to write and I have no other excuse than that lol. Song this chapter is Hide and Seek by Imogen Heap. So I hope you enjoy! **

* * *

_Where are we?  
What the hell is going on?  
the dust has only just begun to form  
crop circles in the carpet, sinking feeling  
spin me round again and rub my eyes,  
this can't be happening  
when busy streets a mess with people  
would stop to hold their heads heavy_

…

Sarah sat in front of Emily, their gazes met, both of them sitting in silence. Sarah knew that Emily's eyes contained a message; one that the teen wouldn't (or couldn't) express verbally, and Sarah couldn't read the full message contained in the girl's blue orbs. Mostly she saw pain, Emily felt abandoned, Sarah was certain of that. How do you gain the trust of someone you left behind?

Emily's eyes drifted to the spot of the bed before her as her shoulders slumped just the slightest bit. Sarah wanted to envelope her in a hug, whisper it would all be okay in her ear, that all of this would go away. But she hated lying to Emily. Nothing would be okay, not when Sarah was involved. It was better that they all hated her…it really was. If CHAOS didn't already know their identity then Sarah would already have left. The best way to protect them was to just be gone. She wasn't worth any of the pain they'd felt over the years.

Sarah wasn't sure how Emily was interpreting the silence between them. She wished she could tell if the girl was angry or just saddened. "Talk to me," she spoke, waiting patiently for the brunette to voice whatever she was thinking. Her blue eyes met with Sarah's.

"I" – She began, but paused as they heard footsteps pounding in the hall.

"Sarah!" Bryce burst into the room. "We have a problem."

Sarah was already up. "What?"

"One of my traps were just set off,"

"Dammit. They've found us?" Sarah grabbed up her pistol from the bedside table.

"I haven't confirmed it's them yet, but who else would be attempting to enter the house?"

"Where's Carina?"

"Mom!" Emily cut in. "What's going on?"

"Chuck!" Sarah called and then placed her hands on the now standing Emily's shoulders. "Listen, CHAOS has probably found us, I need you to stay by Chuck and do exactly what we say when we say it. Understand?"

Emily nodded as Chuck entered the hall. Bryce quickly told Chuck of their dilemma and pushed him towards Emily. Chuck paused a moment, looking at Sarah.

"I'm sorry," She said quietly.

"How can we confirm it's CHAOS?" Asked a newly arrived Carina, pistol in hand.

"A flash," Sarah and Bryce said in unison. She didn't miss the look on Chuck's face at the words "flash" even in the chaos of everything.

"All right then…So we have to wait until they're busting down our doors before we know who it is?" Carina replied. None of them liked that.

"Or," Bryce started. "I can slip out the back and attempt to gain a visual."

"And get yourself shot? Or worse?" Sarah didn't care for that idea. They needed to start evacuating and just get the hell out of there. She didn't care if it only turned out to be a couple teenage boys. Better safe than sorry.

"Let's just get out of here," She snapped.

"We can't just waltz out the door, Sarah!" Bryce reminded. "If it's CHAOS, we're surrounded. Our best bet is to attempt to escape through the back, there are a lot of trees to cover us from any snipers."

"Snipers?" Emily squeaked and her hand found Chuck's. Sarah saw Chuck turn to Emily. _Chuck can handle Emily._

"Fine. What if they anticipate that and are already there? What if we meet ten agents waiting to end us right there?"

"We'll have to take our chances. Besides, CHAOS wants you and I alive…they aren't going to just shoot on sight."

"I'm not worried about me!"

"I know! I'm saying we can use that to our advantage. We can cover Chuck and Emily because they won't be willing to shoot us. Carina is an agent and can handle herself."

"Both of you shut the hell up!" Carina snapped. "Dammit, you two used to work great together! Why are you standing here arguing while CHAOS is about to tear this house apart?"She grabbed Sarah's arm and pulled her towards the door.

"My job, is to ensure both of you are safe." Carina started. "You two have to keep yourselves safe, so no covering Emily or Chuck business. We have about five minutes before CHAOS burst in here and we need a plan."

"I'm sticking with my" – Suddenly the front door flew in and several men rushed through, guns raised. The trio already had their guns extended, firing off two shots each before diving behind whatever cover they could find. Sarah's eyes went to the hall, seeing Chuck pushing Emily back into Sarah's room. Trying to convince herself that they were safe for the moment, Sarah returned her attention to the six agents now standing in various places, guns raised but no shots had been fired yet.

"There are two ways this can go down," began a gruff voice. Sarah recognized it and bit her bottom lip, reaching into her memory to find if she could place a face with it. "Either you surrender now, and we let the others live, or…you try to fight this out – which I severely discourage – and you die. Either way, I'm all good."

Sarah raised her head slightly, attempting to get a visual on their assailant. Not in a million years had she expected to see Tobias Granger standing there, gun extended. Their eyes connected and Sarah saw grim determination. How long had he been CHAOS?

"Walker," Tobias started. "You know I'm not just talking. Surrender and you can all live."

"How'd they break you, Granger?" Sarah slid back down to the floor, crouching behind the counter furthest from the CHAOS agents.

"I'm not here to chitchat. Answer me." Granger replied. Sarah looked to her side, where Bryce and Carina were positioned.

"Not a chance," Carina called out. "I think we'd rather take our chances."

"How do we know you wouldn't just kill the rest of them?" Sarah called out; ignoring her friend and Carina stared at her angrily.

"You have my word, Walker. Your husband and daughter go free."

"Not happening!" Carina repeated, her gaze remaining on Sarah.

"If there's a chance" –

"Walker!" Carina started. "No way in hell I'm sacrificing anyone to those bastards." She whispered sharply.

"Wait," Carina started, standing slowly. "Maybe we can work something out." Tobias looked at the brunette. Carina quickly lifted her gun and fired off three shots ducking back down, one striking Tobias' shoulder and the other two dropping two nearby agents.

"Get them!" Tobias cried and suddenly agents were pouring onto them, many of them falling to the agents' bullets but still the CHAOS agents pressed on. _We won't even have time to reload. They'll beat us by their numbers. I can't be brought down now. Damn you, Carina! I could have worked something out! _

Sarah looked up just in time to see someone jumping over the counter, his feet barely missing her as he landed directly in front of her, twisting around on the ball of his foot. She lifted her leg and kicked him right in the nose, the blow quickly covering his face with blood. She reached over her head and grabbed a heavy pan. Throwing her arm forward with as much momentum as she could manage, she struck the agent's head. He dropped, unmoving.

* * *

_hide and seek  
trains and sewing machines  
all those years  
they were here first  
oily marks appear on walls  
where pleasure moments hung before the takeover,  
the sweeping insensitivity of this still life_

…

Bryce threw his fist forward, feeling the familiar crunch of his opponent's nose as his knuckles connected with the intended target. He wasn't sure how they'd get out of this one; six armed agents to their three unarmed. Not good odds.

His eyes searched for something else he could use. He found a butcher knife, wrapping his fingers around the handle he thrust forward, feeling it sink into the flesh of his current foe. Immediately he felt the CHAOS agent go lax and Bryce released him as he fell to the floor. Another agent was already on him and he kicked upward at the man's jaw and then embedded the knife in his chest.

His eyes connected with Sarah's and he saw the fear in her eyes. It wasn't an uncontrollable panic, but she was genuinely afraid. She was looking to him and he wished he had a plan, something to get them out of this mess. Their contact was broken when Bryce was suddenly tackled to the ground, his head smacking against the tile floor of the kitchen. The agent was heavier than Bryce and he was having a hard time getting out from under the agent.

The agent wrapped his hands around Bryce's throat and began to apply pressure; Bryce immediately felt his breath leave him. His gaze went to the knife only a few inches from his fingers. If he could just grab it he could end this traitor. He wiggled his fingers, hoping to grasp the knife which right now was looking like the most beautiful thing ever to him.

The pressure on his neck was almost unbearable. The agent's hand was massive, covering Bryce's entire neck. Bryce looked back down at the knife, feeling his fingers brush the wood of the handle. _There you are._ He swung his hand up towards the agent's neck, grimacing when blood began to cover Bryce's arm. It ran between his fingers and down his forearm, causing his grasp to slip on the handle. The agent slumped to the side, falling off of Bryce.

Then Bryce jumped off of the ground, pulling out the knife buried in the fallen man's neck and readied himself to launch another attack. What he wasn't expecting was his vision to suddenly go black.

* * *

_Mmmm whatcha say,  
Mmm that you only meant well?  
Well of course you did  
Mmmm whatcha say,  
Mmmm that it's all for the best?  
Of course it is  
Mmmm whatcha say?  
Mmmm that it's just what we need  
you decided this  
whatcha say?  
Mmmm what did she say?_

…

Chuck didn't know what to do. Sarah was out there, outnumbered and outgunned.

"Dad! We can't just stand here!" Emily exclaimed, concern filling her eyes.

"Stay here," Chuck ordered as he went to Sarah's pillow, feeling around. Emily watched in silence. Chuck pulled up Sarah's pillow to find a small throwing knife. He felt more than a bit discouraged at the fact it was all he had. But it was better than nothing.

"What are you doing?" Emily finally asked.

"I'm…" He paused. "I'm going out there. You're going to stay here and hide," he looked around the room. "Under the bed. Now."

"Dad!"

"Now, Emily!"

Emily sighed and started for the bed. Chuck went to the door and peeked out. _I never thought I'd ever wish I had the Intersect._ He thought. He really could use those special skills they had given him. Sure, it had really hurt the first few times but by the end of the year it'd been easy. He hated it then, however. One of his kills was because of the Intersect. Now he needed it more than ever. Now that he thought about it…Why didn't Sarah and Bryce have these special skills?

Pushing open the door, he saw Bryce drop. Someone had just shot him with something. What the hell? Tranqs?! Sarah and Carina were still fighting though; they were very good at using their surroundings as cover. Chuck did a head count. Three agents remained. If he could just disable one Carina would have better odds. He could only try.

Sarah had once started teaching Chuck the art of knife throwing, which Chuck had done fairly okay on. He'd all but forgotten everything about it. Something about his wrist and the way he flicked it? Or was it supposed to be absolutely stiff? Damn. This was going to be bad.

Chuck ran out of the room into the hall, using the slick tile to his advantage he dropped and slid behind one of the counters, accidentally sliding right into Sarah (now crouched behind said counter).

Sarah's head shot around to look at him and her eyes widened in horror. "What are you doing out here?" She hissed.

"You need help! I saw Bryce fall and you guys are outnumbered!"

"Chuck, you can't help." Sarah stated, looking at the knife in his hand. Some man started to shout something. Chuck held the knife up to Sarah, and she grabbed it, nodding some begrudged thanks.

"Last chance, Walker. Surrender or you die now. Maybe we'll keep that daughter of yours alive and you don't want to know what'll happen to her if we do that."

"Son of a bitch," Sarah growled. "Chuck there's no way I'd let them do that. I swear."

Chuck nodded. He knew that. He knew she'd keep Emily safe. But he wasn't going to let her prove that statement. Chuck stood. "Wait! Wait, wait!"

The man didn't wait; in fact he fired a tranquilizer right into Chuck's chest. Chuck looked down at his chest groggily before falling to the floor.

* * *

_Ransom notes keep falling out your mouth  
mid-sweet talk, newspaper word cut outs  
speak no feeling no I don't believe you  
you don't care a bit,  
you don't care a bit  
(hide and seek)  
… _

Sarah grabbed Chuck and dragged him behind the counter, shielding him from Tobias. _Think! I have to get us out of this one….Dammit._

Carina looked at Sarah. "Any more knives?" the brunette whispered.

Sarah held up the knife Chuck had given her. "Just one," she replied.

Carina began to fish around in the cabinet. Sarah watched her carefully.

"Okay, Walker, this is it." Tobias started. "Apparently you don't think I'm serious." He started walking towards them, gun raised. Sarah was counting his steps. He should be at her side in about six more steps.

Carina pulled out a can of _Raid_ from under the counter and she handed the can to Sarah. She and Sarah shared a nod and Sarah brought the can of _Raid_ up, ready to raise it high enough to spray Tobias with it.

_Three, two, one._ Sarah heard his pause and knew he was close to her. She looked at the stainless steel dishwasher, seeing in the reflection his feet directly beside her. She twisted around, standing just enough to bring the _Raid_ close enough to Tobias' eyes but not too far to where the other agents could fire at her. She pressed down with her finger, spraying the contents of the bottle.

"What the hell?!" Tobias cried, putting his hands over his eyes. Sarah took this opportunity to kick out with her foot at his groin, feeling him tighten up as it connected with its target. Two tranq darts hit the floor right next to her and she flinched away. She stared at Tobias who was now on his knees, making pained groans.

Carina was feeling around in the drawer above her, grinning. Sarah eyed her carefully, and was relieved to see Carina was under the knife drawer, currently pulling out a variety of knives. She handed a few to Sarah quickly, both of them obviously feeling better about their situation now that they had some real means of protection.

_One down, three more to go. _

* * *

_Ransom notes keep falling out your mouth  
mid-sweet talk, newspaper word cut outs  
(hide and seek)  
speak no feeling no I don't believe you  
you don't care a bit,  
you don't care a (you don't care a) bit _

…

Emily couldn't take this. She refused to stay here and do nothing. Sure, she was scared of going out there but she _had _to know what was going on. She cracked open the door and peeked out, a small gasp escaping her lips at the sight before her. Her Dad was sprawled out and the floor and her mother was holding four knives. There was a man on his knees by Sarah who was obviously in pain and Emily spotted a Raid can lying beside her mother's legs, which would explain why he had a hand over his eyes. There were three men on the other side of the counter, some kind of gun raised.

Emily looked back at her father in fear. She saw some kind of needle like thing sticking up from his chest. She decided it must have put him to sleep because she knew if Chuck were wounded, Sarah would be acting differently.

"Call in the back-up, you stupid bastards!" The man on his knees yelled and the three men behind the counter fumbled for their wrist watches and begin to ask for reinforcements. A wave of panic hit Emily and she bit her bottom lip, hating the fact she was useless.

Sarah grabbed a knife between her fingers and looked at what Emily assumed was the leader beside her. Emily knew what was coming, but couldn't look away as Sarah pulled her arm back. Carina looked at Emily and said something to Sarah. The blonde looked towards her daughter, their eyes connecting. Sarah's, apologetic and Emily's a mix of fear and a sad understanding.

Sarah mouthed the words "I'm sorry" and threw the knife forward. Emily saw it embed itself into the man and he sank to the floor, grasping at his neck. Emily gagged and looked away, finding some comfort in Sarah's eyes. But the longer Emily looked at the blonde before her (who was motioning her to get down, which Emily quickly did), the more she saw the fear etched in her features. Sarah was scared and Emily knew that meant things were bad. She understood it. More of CHAOS' agents were going to come in. They would be either killed or captured…or worse. But Emily knew that she and her father were nothing to CHAOS and so their odds of living past this were greatly reduced.

The back door flew in and Emily jerked her head to look at the new intruders. As the first two rushed in, they dropped quickly to the credit of Sarah and Carina's throwing arms. But Emily knew that this was hopeless. Two more men fell to the floor before they began to fire. Emily was shocked to feel something hit her arm, and looked down at the needle like object sticking out of her skin. She immediately began to feel groggy and thought she heard her name being called. Her eyes fluttered close and her vision went dark.

_

* * *

_

_(hide and seek)  
oh no, you don't care a bit  
oh no, you don't care a bit  
(hide and seek)  
oh no, you don't care a bit  
you don't care a bit  
you don't care a bit_

_... _

_

* * *

_

**So, remember to review! Cause those are one of my favorite things! I hope you enjoyed this chapter and I'll try to get the next update out faster! I promise!**


	15. Shattered

**Thanks to everyone who helped me on this chapter, Jimmy for reading the raw version of this chapter and putting up with my _crazy_ typos, Wepdiggy for the final beta and Yokaputo for her excellent input and helpful comments. You guys are stellar :-) **

**Song this chapter is Shattered by Trading Yesterday. **

* * *

_Yesterday I died; tomorrow's bleeding  
Fall into your sunlight  
The future's open wide beyond believing  
To know why hope dies  
And losing what was found, a world so hollow  
Suspended in a compromise  
But the silence of this sound is soon to follow  
Somehow sundown  
And finding answers  
Is forgetting all of the questions we call home  
Passing the graves of the unknown_

_... _

"Hands up," a newly arrived Agent Smith commanded, a smug smile covering his face.

Sarah and Carina looked around; they were completely outnumbered. Where there had been hope for them to get out of the last situation, with the arrival of these reinforcements they couldn't win. Sarah looked at Carina and both began to raise their hands.

"I'll come peacefully if you don't hurt them," Sarah gestured towards her husband and daughter, hopelessly trying to find someway to keep them out of this. Smith looked down at Chuck and then Emily and chuckled.

"Grab them," he ordered and men began to drag the two away.

"No!" Sarah cried and threw herself forward. "Don't you touch them!" An agent stepped in front of her and she struck at his nose, palm outward. He slumped and she finished him with a diagonal kick down to his neck. She groped at the agent's hand and grabbed at the cold steel located in his fingers. Bringing the gun up swiftly she fired two shots at the agent attempting to carry Emily off and another two at the agents moving Chuck. As they fell she returned her gun to Smith, ready to fire if she had to.

"Don't you dare touch them," Sarah growled, staring hard at the slightly shorter CHAOS agent in front of her.

"Agent Walker," Smith started, sighing as if Sarah were being a difficult child. "We have uses for your family and you cannot stop us, because you're out numbered. Now put the gun down before I'm forced to get angry."

"Sarah," Carina began. "We have to surrender. We can't fight it off this time." Her voice would sound collected and calm to anyone else, but Sarah could hear the hopelessness in Carina's tone and it struck her with frustrated pain.

"No," she stated through clenched teeth at Carina. "I _won't _fail them." _I promised._

"Walker, we're going to take them anyway, now whether you come along alive or not is a different matter entirely," Smith spoke.

Sarah stared at Smith for a moment, her pulse pounding in her ears. She had promised Chuck that nothing would happen to him and Emily, hadn't she broken enough of her promises? _The first thing you learn as a spy is to never make promises. _That was something every spy learned pretty quickly. _I'm not much of a spy anymore, am I? _Sarah thought and knew she really wasn't. Having a life with Chuck had ruined (or so others in the Agency would say) her as a spy, he'd chipped away what little she'd had and being around him again continued to cause her to fall into that old role she'd once been so comfortable in. Sarah was not a spy anymore, that part of her was dying fast. She couldn't stop Smith from taking her loved ones, and so she lowered her pistol to the ground.

Smith nodded. "Smart choice," he motioned towards her and three agents came up to her and handcuffed her, slipping a bag over her head. Sarah's failure bit at her, her fear sinking its sharp talons into her. She didn't know how she could get them out of this one and keep them safe. Not only did she bring this on them, but now they were being taken to God knows where to go through God knows what. She wondered if the agents around her could see the tears through the fabric of the bag.

Suddenly they were pushing her forwards, ushering her outside. The CHAOS agents were quiet, the only sound was the sound of their feet hitting the ground. Sarah was pushed into a car and fell onto the floor of what she figured was some kind of van, her face smacking first due to her bonds, she grimaced and they lifted her just enough to push her in more. The car started and she laid in the floor, trying to keep herself calm.

* * *

_As reason clouds my eyes with splendor fading  
Illusions of the sunlight  
A reflection of a lie will keep me waiting  
With love gone for so long  
And this day's ending  
Is the proof of time killing all the faith I know  
Knowing that faith is all I hold_

_... _

Chuck's eyes opened groggily. He blinked several times, trying to focus in on his surroundings. _Where am I? _It was dark and he knew he wasn't at the safe house anymore. Then it all came back to him, a rush of memories and emotions came flooding back into his recollection. _We must have been taken. _Chuck wondered where Sarah and Emily were and his stomach twisted as mental pictures at what could be happening to them. He knew those thoughts wouldn't help him in the least and he attempted to shove them away with little success. He needed to find them...but how? Where was Bryce? Carina? Were they even alive? What had happened after he'd gotten shot?

The room was extremely dark and Chuck had trouble keeping himself upright. The tranq dart's effects must still be coursing through his system. He struggled to stand again, his arms and legs shaking in protest. He collapsed to the ground again as his arms gave out and he laid there helpless, angry at himself for everything. Angry that Sarah had left, angry she'd come back, angry at CHAOS, angry at every damn _spy _he'd ever known. _Damn them all. They're hell bent on destroying everything, I hate them. _The rage he felt caused his eyes to burn with tears as he lay on the floor, wanting to scream at the walls and beat them; wanting to get this anger out of his system, he'd been bottling it up and it was fighting to escape. He'd never felt such an intense and unfocused rage. He was just pissed off at everything and wanted to make someone hurt as much as him.

Then Chuck heard what he thought sounded like a door opening and lifted his head. He was correct as three men entered his cell, two of them lifting him up off of the ground. Chuck's eyes met with the third man, the shortest of them all. "Mr. Bartowski," the third started. "My name is Smith, I've taken your family and the other two agents who were residing with you." He paused for a moment, studying Chuck's face. "Now, I am aware of the fact that you once were an Intersect and have a proposition for you. Now, you are unaware of an event that happened within the CIA and NSA shortly after you removed the Intersect and retired. The government foolishly uploaded the Intersect into ten candidates without once considering the effects of such an action. Nine agents successfully uploaded the Intersect. The one who went horribly insane was my brother." Smith's eyes seemed to glaze over and Chuck stayed silent, watching the agent's pained expression.

"Now," Smith continued. "The CIA, due to my specific request, kept the nine agents for a week after the upload and even though there were some inconsistencies with the nine other agent's health they wrote them off as okay...I begged for more time but they told me to butt out and keep my mouth shut. The nine agents were sent out and one by one and slowly began feeling incredibly sick. I sat by the side of one of the nine agents daily, keeping her deteriorating condition on record, all the while hoping that she'd recover. After a week she was blind and practically deaf, but constantly screaming due to the hallucinations and intense pain she saw and felt. By the middle of the second week, I no longer had to strap her down to the bed because she was paralyzed. On the fourteenth day of her sickness she died painfully. I have this all on record."

Smith paused. "I had told our government to discontinue this project, that it was faulty and we couldn't risk the lives of ten agents on the success of one person. They refused to listen to me and now my brother...and my wife...are dead due to this thing called the "Intersect 2.0". Instead of completely abandoning the project, they uploaded the older version of said Intersect into two agents, this time taking the care to not risk too many of their best agents. Agent Larkin and Agent Walker as I'm sure you are aware. But, my superiors have decided its time for CHAOS to make the U.S government pay for their mistake with 2.0. Therefore, you and Agents Larkin and Walker will now be working for us in exchange for your lives."

Chuck opened his mouth to speak but Smith stopped him by raising his hand. "Not just yet, Mr. Bartowski. I have something else to explain. One, we managed to obtain Intersect 2.0 and so you, due to your success with handling it and its special abilities will undergo another upload. Second, we are willing to let your daughter return to your sister if she fails the Intersect testing. If you refuse to cooperate your daughter will still be tested, but she'll be killed if she isn't able to handle the programming of two-point-oh." He paused and lowered his hand, nodding for Chuck to speak. Chuck knew his answer, if he could somehow keep Emily away from this life he'd do so.

"What if she can handle the Intersect?" Chuck asked, fearing the answer.

"Then she'll begin her CHAOS training immediately," Smith stated, matter-of-factly. Chuck's heart hit the floor.

"You can't do that to her! She's just a kid!" He protested loudly.

"Mr. Bartowski, I can and _will_. But if she fails testing...then she'll be set free to your sister Eleanor Woodcomb and live a life free of us...but only if you cooperate."

Chuck's shoulders slumped, his strength waning. His knees buckled under him and only the two agents holding him kept him from falling. "I am sorry about the fact you had to be tranquilized." Smith stated. Chuck wasn't so sure it was the tranq's effects that were causing him to collapse. "So what say you, Charles?"

Chuck's brown eyes met with Smith's cold gray and slowly the father began to nod. "I'll cooperate, just don't hurt them. Don't bring Emily into this...she's just a child."

"That all depends, Charles." Smith started for the doors and suddenly Chuck's support system was gone and he fell to the floor, tears escaping his eyes as he called out.

"Can I at least see Sarah and Emily?"

The door slammed shut and Chuck was left in a cold darkness, with only his despairing soul for company.

* * *

_And I've lost who I am,  
and I can't understand  
Why my heart is so broken,  
rejecting your love, without,  
love gone wrong; lifeless words carry on  
But I know, all I know's that the end's beginning_

_..._

Emily groaned, turning onto her side. Her head throbbed and her muscles felt like they were tied down with thirty pound weights. She heard this faint voice and noticed it sounded like someone was saying her name over and over. She slowly opened her eyes and began to focus on the face of her mother, bent over her with concern evident on her features. "Emily?" Sarah asked again, her hand resting on her forehead. Emily slowly raised herself up on her elbows.

"Where are we?" She asked, remembering that she'd been shot as more agents had poured into their little safe house. She wanted to freak out, but knew she had to hold it together and so she forced herself to breathe deeply in and out, just as she'd been told once to do when she felt panicked.

Sarah's hand continued to rest on Emily's head and the brunette could barely make out the slight traces of tear tracks on her mother's cheeks. "I'm so sorry, Emily. I couldn't keep you and Chuck from CHAOS' hands...there were just too many of them. Carina and I had to surrender and now we're...somewhere...still in LA, I think."

Emily watched her mother's face and could clearly see the pain that the blonde was feeling. She understood that Sarah recognized and fully blamed herself for the current state of events. "I don't hate you." Emily said quietly. Sarah looked shocked.

"Emily, I understand if you hate me. I caused you and your father a lot of pain and now I've come back and only made it worse when really you two were doing just fine without me."

"I don't. I was just upset. I don't hate you. I'm sorry I said that." Looking back at the way she'd reacted, she couldn't believe she'd done that. She hadn't fully forgiven her mother for leaving her, but she didn't hate Sarah. Her mother was really suffering and hated herself far more than Emily could ever do so. Emily couldn't quite tell if her mother was holding back tears, but the blonde certainly looked like she was about to cry. "Have you seen Dad?"

"No. They put a bag over my head as we left and when they pulled it off you were lying here on the floor. You've been out the whole trip probably. Seeing as how you're already awake, the dosage wasn't too high. I'm glad, because too much of that stuff can really mess up your system."

"Do you think he's alright?" Emily asked, suddenly afraid for her father. Sarah looked down at Emily with deep sadness.

"I honestly don't know, Emily, but I pray he is."Sarah closed her eyes, as if she were actually praying. She looked back down at her daughter after a moment.

"I'm going to do my best to get you out of here,"

Emily opened her mouth to quickly state that she didn't want her mother doing anything to further injure herself but stopped when the door opened and in walked three men, one of them Smith. Sarah instinctively put herself between the man and her daughter, staring the man with cold blue eyes.

"Walker," Smith greeted. "I've spoken with your husband and we've reached an agreement. He will serve CHAOS in exchange for Emily's freedom in the chance she fails the Intersect testing. I'm here to get your cooperation with CHAOS by promising this: If you do not do exactly what I say, your husband and daughter will be killed. Perhaps - if my superiors will allow - you and Bartowski will be able to work together, but only after you've both proven to me you won't run away first chance you get. Because if you do, Emily's life will be over."

"You can't do that to Emily or Chuck! Chuck's already been the Intersect once -"

"What?" Emily asked behind her but was ignored by her mother.

"- and Emily doesn't deserve that kind of life! I'll test for 2.0 again, I'll make it work. Just let them _go_. They don't deserve this! They've already paid the price for being involved with an agency."

"I'm not here to listen to your pleadings, Walker. Will you cooperate or sacrifice your husband and daughter?"

Emily looked at Sarah, who's brow was furrowed and giving a look to Smith that actually gave the brunette goosebumbs. Her mother could be quite intimidating. But were her mother and father giving up their lives just for her? Was there any way any of them could get out of this?

"You'll pay for this, Smith. I'll cooperate. But one day, the tables will be turned...and I'll make you pay for this I swear it."

"Good luck," Smith retorted and strode out of the room.

"I want to see Chuck!" Sarah called out. Smith paused.

"Fine. I'll send him in, but only because you both agreed." The door slammed.

* * *

_who I am from the start, (I'm waiting)  
take me home to my heart (and fading)  
Let me go and I will run, (and holding)  
I will not be silent, (silent) all this time (onto these tears)  
spent in vain; wasted years wasted gain (i am crying)  
All is lost but hope remains and this war's not over (i'm dying tonight)  
There's a light, there's a sun (i'm waiting...)  
taking all these shattered ones  
To the place we belong (i am waiting...)  
and his love will conquer all_

_..._

Sarah sat beside her daughter, watching the girl in an impressed awe. She'd expected Emily to panic but the girl sat with her knees drawn up to her chin, shaking slightly. She hadn't spoken since Smith had left and said they could see Chuck. Sarah wondered where Bryce and Carina were. She was certain Bryce was still alive, but Carina? What purpose did she serve to CHAOS that was enough to keep her alive? Sarah held back a shudder at the though of Carina in some kind of torture.

Suddenly she heard the distant sound of feet and listened carefully. The steps were getting louder and Sarah once again found herself instinctively putting herself between Emily and the door as it swung open. Two men pushed Chuck in and checked to room once before leaving again. "Dad!" Emily exclaimed and ran to Chuck, wrapping him in a strong hug. Sarah looked away from the two, feeling as if she was intruding on their privacy by watching them. When she looked back Chuck was staring right at her, and she wondered if he could see her trembling and hoping that he couldn't.

Chuck's arms fell from Emily and he gently pulled away, giving their daughter a smile. He walked over to Sarah and placed his arms around her gently. The security she felt just having his arms around her amazed Sarah, they were in an enemy compound and yet just having Chuck hold her brought some strange relief to all this chaos. Sarah began to feel the tears spring to her eyes, the contact of Chuck being what she'd craved this whole time. She felt the pressure in her throat increase as her eyes continued to pool and she knew she wouldn't be able to hold back these tears.

Sarah broke, the emotions she'd been holding back this whole time escaped. It was like releasing floodgates and her shoulders shook from the sobs and she whispered "I'm sorry" multiple times.

The agent in Sarah knew she shouldn't be doing this, that she had to remain calm, but Sarah wasn't an agent anymore. She was Chuck's...and he was the one person she trusted with this. Yes she loved Emily and trusted her as well, but this was _Chuck, _who'd been there for her all this time. Sarah knew she wasn't completely forgiven, but she also knew Chuck didn't hate her and it gave her more relief than she could put into words.

"Shh," Chuck said, quietly. "This right here, isn't your fault. It's Smith's, he's doing this to us, not you. I don't blame you, Sarah, so stop blaming yourself. You did everything you could to keep this from happening, I know who to blame and I'm not blaming you." Sarah looked into Chuck's soulfull brown eyes and couldn't think of anything to say, so she just wrapped her arms around him harder, staying there a moment before pulling away fully composed.

"I made the deal," Sarah spoke, her calm center returning. Only Chuck could do that to her with his ways. Chuck nodded slowly.

"They gave us no choice. If there's a chance for us all to come out of this alive...I have to take it." He spoke. Sarah looked at Emily, who was wiping her cheek and sniffing.

"How do people get like this?" Emily asked, her voice cracking. "What could have possibly happened to make them so...evil? We didn't do anything to them."

"Smith's wife and brother died because of the Intersect. He blames our government and wants to use us four against the US." Chuck explained. Sarah finally understood that Smith was hell bent on revenge for whatever circumstances surrounding his wife's death. "Sarah," Chuck started. "People were getting sick from the Intersect?"

Sarah nodded. "Yes. Nine people died after uploading the Intersect. It's why Bryce and I don't have "special abilites". The government scratched the project."

"CHAOS wants to upload it back into me," Chuck explained. "Because I didn't get sick."

"They must have gotten their hands on 2.0," Sarah stated. "Seeing how they found us at the house, I think its safe to assume that they have a very well placed mole. Have you heard anything about Bryce and Carina?"

"He only said Bryce would be working with them just like you," Chuck replied and Sarah sighed. _Did Carina even make it to this location? Is she dead?_

The door swung open again and the two men who'd dropped Chuck off motioned for him to come back with them. "Come on," one said and Chuck did as he was told with a quick goodbye to the women.

"The upload begins in the morning," The second man stated and Sarah thought she saw just the briefest looks of pity as his eyes locked with Emily's. Sarah wondered if he had a daughter of his own, maybe a wife, or maybe he'd been forced into working for CHAOS as well.

Everyone had a story.

* * *

_Yesterday I died, tommorrows bleeding  
Fall into your sunlight_**  
...**

* * *

**So what did you think? I worked hard on this chapter and hoped that it paid off. Are you glad to finally see some progress between Sarah, Chuck and Emily? I've been having a hard time writing more than just the emotional angst that filled the preceeding chapters. Hopefully you enjoyed this chapter and please review, those are always appreciated and make me want to write more. Sorry that it took me awhile to update, but each new chapter I work harder on, so I don't disappoint you fine readers. I know you guys have come to expect good chapters, and so I try to achieve that :-) **


	16. The Blues

**So do I have a personal record or what?! Two updates in one day! Very awesome. I'm glad the writing bug bit me. Song this chapter is The Blues by Switchfoot. Thanks to Wep for beta editing and being his awesome self. IBA would suck without him. Hope you enjoy!!**

_Is this the New Year or just another night?  
Is this the new fear or just another fright?  
Is this the new tear or just another desperation?  
Is this the finger or just another fist?  
Is this the kingdom or just a hit n' miss?  
I miss direction, most in all this desperation_

…

The only sound piercing the silence of the alley was the pounding of running feet. Residents of the above apartments saw a lone woman, running away from four dark figures. But citizens of this dark city learned long ago not to interfere with _any _kind of crime taking place and so offered the woman only a silent prayer, looking at the passing figures with extreme pity for the dark haired (if slightly bruised) beauty that was only steps ahead of them. They watched her disappear into an adjacent alleyway and the onlookers sighed.

That alley was a dead end.

Suddenly the people looking down disappeared into their apartments and closed the doors and windows, attempting to keep the disturbing sounds they knew were about to come from reaching their ears. This wasn't the first woman who'd been taken in these alleys.

But, unbeknown to them, the woman beneath them was much more than what she appeared and the men behind her were not the usual level of scum that chased women into dark alleys. No, this woman was much more than that; and so was the small chip she held in her fist. Sometimes the smallest things are the most valuable. This chip held valuable information on CHAOS and once delivered to Washington, the CHAOS threat would quickly be conquered and their quiet but lethal reign as a world terror would be brought to an end.

The woman hurtled a small cart sitting in the narrowing alleyway, hearing three grunts behind her followed by a loud crash. She allowed herself a quick look back and saw one agent fallen over the cart, apparently not jumping high enough. Stairs were on her right and she grabbed onto the railing just above her head and began pulling herself up, feeling a hand grab her ankle. She kicked out with her other foot at the CHAOS agent's face and his hand released her and she saw him drop, blood covering his face.

She rushed up the metal stairs, her breath coming raggedly and her legs feeling as if they were on fire. She'd been running so long. She looked down and saw the agents starting up the stairs after her. It could be worse; they could have guns like they did earlier. She'd thankfully dispatched them of those pretty quickly. She could tell they were just as tired as her, but they all were running for the same reason. To save something. For her, it was saving the lives of American and even non-American people.

For them, they were saving their own asses. If she got away with these codes...they would be severely punished and finally killed. Logically, they didn't want that and so they'd chase her until one of them won. She knew it'd be her. It had to be.

She'd called for backup about two blocks ago. He should be waiting for her, and she trusted he would be. She kicked in the door to the first apartment on her right after clearing the stairs, hearing several screams from inside the small home. Ten steps and she could be out of the window. She counted to herself and jumped through the window, feeling the glass scrape at her and some lodge into her skin. She didn't have much time to evaluate the situation beneath her, but she didn't see her partner. So she was forced to drop and roll, and she came up looking for an escape. She heard tires squealing and looked at the two opposite ends of the alley way to see two cars speeding towards her. She knew it wasn't her partner. She was trapped.

The cars stop and four men exit each car, guns extended. She doesn't have any time to react before they open fire....

* * *

_Is this what they call freedom?  
Is this what you call pain?  
Is this what they call discontented fame?  
It'll be a day like this one  
When the world caves in  
When the world caves in  
When the world caves in_

…

Emily jerked forwards, letting out a gentle cry. Her dreams had been the same this whole long night, with her running from some men, only dying in the end. It was what she was afraid would happen to her if she passed that test. She wasn't sure if she wanted to pass it or not. If she passed it, she'd become CHAOS, but she'd get to see her parents. Or at least she thought. If she failed she'd get to go back to Ellie and there was a good chance she'd never see her parents again. Her self preservation instinct wanted to fail, wanted to get out of this hell hole. But she loved her parents and felt extremely guilty that any part of her wanted to fail so she could go back to Aunt Ellie's.

Sarah was already by her. She'd come to Emily's side each time she'd awoken. "Another one?" The blonde asked and Emily nodded. Sarah sighed. "You know, I'd really love to tell you that nothing bad will happen to you and that we'll all be alright." She started. "But I don't want to lie to you. I honestly don't know how bad this will turn out, but I'm still hoping for the best. One thing I've learned in my years of fieldwork is help can come from the most unlikely places sometimes." She offered Emily a comforting smile and the brunette nodded. She hoped her mother was right.

The knot in Emily's stomach was getting worse; she felt like she was going to throw up. "Mom, will I ever see you and Dad again if I fail the test?" She was not encouraged by the look in Sarah's eyes.

"I don't know. I doubt CHAOS would release us before we died. The odds of you getting to see us again would be very slim. But, Emily, if you fail and go back to Ellie's, make sure you get back on track okay? I don't want you giving up your life over this. You've got to tread forward and be determined. Sometimes that's all you have to go for. If you fail, finish school, go to college, have a _life_. This is what I want for you and I know Chuck does too."

"What if I pass?"

"I pray you don't, Emily, I really do. If you pass, you probably wouldn't see us very often if at all. You'd become an agent and that means missions, death, and thorough training. I don't want that for you and I never have. You deserve so much more. I'll die before I let them do that to you."

"If I pass you and Dad will be working together right?"

"It's likely. It makes sense to team us up as long as we aren't trying to escape; which, we won't. We don't want anything to happen to you."

"Then if I pass I don't want you to do anything, Mom. Dad will definitely need you then."

Sarah was silent and Emily knew the blonde was agreeing with her. Chuck would need someone if Emily was taken away from them. _Sarah _would need someone.

The sound of approaching footsteps reached their ears, and Emily inhaled raggedly. _This is it. _The door opened and in stepped four agents.

"Move," one ordered and Sarah and Emily did as they were told. They were being led down a series of dark halls, doors everywhere. Its dingy smell settled in Emily's nostrils and she made a face. They made a few more turns before arriving at two large double doors. Upon entering, Emily saw a large white room, empty except for a single desk. Her dad was in the room, along with Smith and some of the CHAOS agents. Emily also saw Carina and Bryce.

Emily felt Sarah's hand on her arm and she looked up to the blonde. "Be strong." Sarah said and the duo walked up to the group. Emily looked at her father, just now realizing he had blood on the side of his face.

"Dad?" Emily breathed.

"Are you two okay? Did they hurt you?" Chuck quickly asked.

"No," Sarah replied.

"Bring the girl over here," Smith stated and a man was suddenly guiding Emily over to that table. Two men dressed in white coats came up to her and placed two white pads on her temples. From the white pads ran two cords into a small computer in front of her. She looked at Sarah and then Chuck, the pain in their eyes was unbearable for her to see and so she looked away quickly. One of the men in the white coats started pressing buttons on the keyboard beside her.

Emily looked at Bryce, who was handcuffed along with Carina. They were watching with expressions Emily couldn't quite make out. They were silent however as they watched.

There was this tickle in Emily's temples now and it was spreading to her eyes. "Look at the screen," One of the technicians told her. As her eyes rested on a picture of some kind of gem, the tickle increased and she could only compare it to a sneeze building. Except, it started to hurt. Really badly.

"Ah!" Emily cried and she started to raise her hands to her head but they were restrained by that same man who'd escorted her. "It hurts!" She cried and she felt the shakes building inside her as the pain continued to increase. "Stop! It hurts! Mom, it hurts!"

"Stop!" Chuck and Sarah yelled. They started to rush towards her but both were restrained. "You're hurting her!"

"Emily!" Sarah cried and jerked against the arms of the men holding her. She continued to try and pull away from them, but their grip was too strong.

Emily was fully shaking now; she no longer could even control herself. She absently wondered if this was what a seizure felt like. She continued to let out cries of pain and her knees gave out, only the man kept her upright now as her vision went dark.

* * *

_I'm singing this one, like a broken piece of glass  
__With broken hearts and broken noses in the back  
__Is this the new year or just another desperation?  
Y__ou push until you're shoving  
__You bend until you break  
__Do you stand on the broken fields where your fathers lay? _

…

"Stop it!" Sarah cried, throwing herself forward. That was her baby, her only child, being hurt and she was powerless to stop it. The tears burned her eyes as she watched Emily jerk around and scream. Emily had called for her; Emily was counting on her to save her and Sarah couldn't do it. Sharp pangs of failure struck the blonde. She'd always meant to keep Emily away from this all.

Emily collapsed, the man behind her barely catching her in time.

"Get her out of the way," Smith ordered and Emily was dragged to a corner off by herself. Chuck and Sarah both were attempting to get away from the men holding them.

"Emily!" Chuck called. Sarah felt the restraining hands ease on her and she twisted, sending her elbows up and towards where she calculated the agents' noses would be. She heard the sickening crack as she found her intended targets. She felt their hands leave her arms and shoulders and she already saw more men rushing towards her. But Sarah was fighting in a way she never had before; as her body moved and disabled the agents coming towards her, her thoughts simply rested on Emily. She wasn't going to let her daughter suffer anymore.

Sarah saw Bryce already moving, immediately using Sarah's outburst as a distraction while he himself joined in on the tussle. They wouldn't be real agents if they didn't even try. Sarah suddenly got hold on a gun as she dropped another man to the ground; her blue eyes rested on Smith, whose dark eyes were glaring at her. He had a gun in his hand, and was lifting it. Sarah froze.

Then Chuck was tackling Smith and Sarah began to hurry to them. Chuck couldn't handle Smith by himself. Chuck hadn't fought a day since they retired (or so Sarah was assuming) and Smith undoubtedly had. Sarah saw Smith regain himself and find his weapon, sticking it to Chuck's temple. "Stop or I'll shoot!" Smith yelled. Sarah raised her weapon as the fighting stilled around her. She'd done this a thousand times. First with Bryce, and then even with Chuck. Did Smith really think that using Chuck as a body shield would protect him?

She began to aim discreetly. _He'll never know what hit him. If I take him out, we can finish off these __guards and escape. _As her finger began to squeeze the trigger, she felt the cold press of steel against her own head.

"Drop it, Sarah." With those words Sarah heart sank. _Have we been played from the beginning? You've been a traitor this whole time, haven't you? Why? _

Sarah looked to her right and saw Carina looking right back at her, her green eyes full of determination. Sarah then turned her head to Bryce, who was being held by two men once again, his features full twisted in angry shock.

"It's been you this whole time," Sarah stated to the brunette sadly. "You're the reason they found us. I always knew there was a mole; I just never thought it'd be a friend. I thought I could trust you, Carina."

"Carina," Chuck whispered. "What – what are you doing?"

Carina ignored Chuck and looked at Sarah. "You thought you could trust me? Well I thought I could trust the American government. When they stabbed me in the back, I decided we needed a new system, one free of corruption and fat ass leaders who do nothing but sit in an office, making _us _bleed and fall in the line of duty. If a few people have to die here for that to be accomplished, then so be it. This is the sacrifice we have to make, Sarah."

"What? Do you realize what you're saying? You're willing to kill innocent people!" She pointed at Emily. "Why do people like her have to die?! _That's _what CHAOS is!"

"You're blinded to the truth! Look what our government did to you! They took you from your husband and daughter and made you go through Hell for _ten _fucking years! How is that a good thing?"

Sarah paused. True, she resented the CIA for forcing her to return. But she'd never betray them for something as evil as CHAOS. What had happened to her friend?

"What happened to you, Carina?" Sarah said quietly.

"Casey is what happened to me. We were assigned a mission together. A long term one as husband and wife. Unsurprisingly, we turned into more than just partners. We were under attack by some cheap mafia scum and they captured him. They took him away and stuffed him in some dark hole all alone and told the NSA they wanted the intel we'd stolen back and the cash before they'd return John. The NSA refused. They decided what they'd gotten was worth John's life. They left him to rot in a hole."

Carina paused and Sarah saw the briefest flicker of pain on the brunette's face. "I went on a rouge operation to find him. When I finally tracked down his location, I arrived in time to see them execute him using slow, tortuous methods. I was powerless to stop it. Can you imagine watching that happen to Chuck? You say I betrayed this country...No. This country betrayed _me_. And they betrayed John."

Sarah swallowed hard, thinking about Casey dead. He never got to retire like he said he was going to. He never got that calm life she always known he'd wanted. That was like a kick in the gut to her. She'd considered Casey a great partner and a friend.

"Oh my god," Chuck mumbled.

"Okay, enough trips down memory lane." Smith barked. "Get their asses back to their cells."

Sarah gave Carina a pleading look, but the brunette just stepped away, letting Sarah be taken away. Emily was taken with Sarah back to their old cell and Sarah watched over her daughter, praying that whatever pain she'd been caused, no serious damage had been done.

_So Carina is CHAOS, Casey is dead, now my daughter is unconscious and I don't know how injured she is and I have no idea how we'll make it out of this okay. _

If Sarah had felt hopeless before, she now felt doomed.

_Is there nothing left now?  
__Nothing left to sing?  
__Are there any left who haven't kissed the enemy?  
__Is this the New Year, or just another desperation?  
__Does justice never find you?  
__Do the wicked never loose?  
__Are there any other songs to sing besides these blues?  
__And nothing is okay, until the world caves inUntil the world caves in_

…

* * *

**So what did you think of this chapter? Good? Bad? Just plain ugly? I'm counting on you guys to give me some feedback. You're all awesome. Thanks!**

* * *


	17. Blurry

**Okay, so after deciding I was going to get this fic alllll finished up and determining to write the next IBA chapter, I got this one all written out for you guys :-) I hope it's good and that you enjoy it. Song this chapter is Blurry by Puddle of Mudd. Thanks to Wep for beta editing and Jimmy for giving excellent input as always.**

* * *

_Every thing's so blurry _  
_And everyone's so fake _  
_And everybody's empty _  
_And everything is so messed up _  
_Pre-occupied without you _  
_I cannot live at all _  
_My whole world surrounds you _  
_I Stumble then I crawl_  
_… _

Sarah held her daughter's head, her heart still sunken into despair. Emily hadn't stirred once, hadn't made any sign of life and the only sign that told Sarah she hadn't lost her daughter was the pulse she still possessed. She held back the intense emotions that assaulted her. She wanted to stay strong, and give CHAOS no clue that they were breaking her. She wasn't sure how long she could keep the facade up.

Emily wasn't ever supposed to see this. She was never supposed to know this part of the world. The normal world was bad enough, but with _this _added on...how badly would this affect Emily? This was all wrong.

She had no way to get them out of here. None. Her only hope was Director Hardy. He surely would have realized they had been taken by now, when they didn't report in. But how would he find them? It wasn't as if CHAOS left a trail of breadcrumbs for him to follow.

Carina's betrayal actually _did _feel like a knife in the back. Out of all the people Sarah knew, she had figured Carina incorruptible. Oh how she was wrong. But how could she really fault her motives? She hated, and yet understood the actions of the brunette. If the government had been responsible for Chuck's death, what would Sarah have done? She wasn't sure she wouldn't have joined CHAOS were she in Carina's shoes. But still, this was _Carina _and she was _Sarah_. Carina had been one of Sarah's best friends! They'd saved each other's lives and relied on each other more times than Sarah could count.

Betraying the country that left her lover to die was one thing, betraying _Sarah _was another. Now, because of Carina, Sarah and those she cared about were stuck in this hell hole. If she saw her again she'd make sure to break her nose.

Sarah still couldn't believe how far they'd come since she had entered the house. Never did she think that this would have happened as she snuck her way into Chuck and Emily's house that first time. She wondered how Emily could even process it all so well.

The thought of the emotional scarring this could give Emily caused a lump to form in Sarah's throat. She had wanted to keep her daughter's innocence and keep her ignorant of this part of life. But now, she'd been thrust into it without a moments pause.

Sarah wanted her daughter to wake up, but a part of her feared it. What would Emily wake up like? What had that one image done to her? Seeing Emily suffering in that room had been unbearable. Never had Sarah felt that degree of helplessness. She'd always been able to protect them from physical harm. Now she couldn't protect them from anything. She didn't even know where Chuck was.

Smith and Carina would pay. If it was the last thing Sarah ever did, they would pay for this.

* * *

_You could be my someone_  
_You could be my scene_  
_You know that I'll protect you_  
_From all of the obscene_  
_I wonder what you're doing_  
_Imagine where you are_  
_There's oceans in between us_  
_But that's not very far_  
_… _

Chuck sat in the corner of his cell, his shoulders slumped, and his hope all but completely shattered. _At least Emily will get to go home...if they keep up their side of the bargain. _Chuck thought darkly. He wished he were with Sarah and Emily right now. He hadn't seen Emily awake after being tested. Was his daughter okay? Was she hurt?

"I want to see my daughter!" Chuck yelled at the top of his lungs. He doubted he'd get an answer but he had to try. He would yell until he got hoarse if he had to. He had to see them.

Aside from the desperation he felt, there was anger and shock. Carina's betrayal had completely shocked him. He had always thought she was trustworthy when it came to what side she played for. But Casey? Dead? That struck Chuck with sadness like a slap to the face. He had always thought of Casey as a friend, and to hear of his death (especially so horribly) really made Chuck realize exactly how much the game had changed since his days. FULCRUM was gone, CHAOS was here. Casey was dead, and Carina worked for the rogue agency.

Were Bryce and Sarah the only people who he could trust? Could he trust Bryce? He was certain he could trust Sarah. Despite all that had changed, he still felt that Sarah was trustworthy. She wanted to help them get out of this.

Again he yelled to see Emily, and again there was no response. He sighed and pressed his hands to his face. They couldn't win in anything, could they?

He wasn't sure if help would come, but he prayed it would.

Suddenly, Chuck heard loud bangs and a lot of gunfire.

* * *

_Can you take it all away?_  
_Can you take it all away? _  
_When you shoved it in my face _  
_This pain you gave to me_  
_Can you take it all away?_  
_Can you take it all away?_  
_Well you shoved it in my face_

…

Sarah's body started when she heard the obvious sounds of a fight. Did help finally arrive? The gunfire continued, and more explosions.

After what Sarah figured was a few minutes, the door to her cell opened and a bloodied Bryce stepped through. Sarah felt a mixture of relief and surprise.

"Bryce?!" She exclaimed. He hurried into the room.

"We've got to go," he stated and began to lift Emily onto his shoulders. "Take this gun," he added and Sarah took a pistol from his palm. Bryce pulled another weapon from his waistband.

Sarah nodded. "How did you get out?" She asked.

"I'll explain later. But for now, just know we're getting out of here finally." They both started for the door.

"What about Chuck?" Sarah asked, pausing.

"We'll have to get him too. He's on the other side of the complex in the B wing of the holding cells." Bryce paused and Sarah knew he couldn't take Emily to safety and help Sarah get Chuck.

"Take Emily," Sarah said. "I'll get Chuck."

"I'm sorry I can't help you, Sarah." Bryce apologized. "But I can give you this," He handed Sarah a small electronic device. "It's the area schematics of the compound. Follow it to Chuck, and then get your asses here," He pointed at an exit point on the screen. "Be careful, Sarah." He added, locking eyes with her.

"Thank you," Sarah said quietly and started to run, glancing down at the map.

The compound wasn't too complex. It was made up of three parts. A wing, B wing, and the C wing. She was currently in the C wing. Two more lefts and a right and she'd come to the B wing. From there, it wasn't too far to the holding cells. Unfortunately, the map _didn't_ say "Chuck is here" so she'd have to figure that one out on her own.

Sarah was so wrapped up in finding Chuck, she didn't notice the leg coming towards her midsection until it was too late, and she let out an "oof" as the air was knocked out of her. Suddenly Carina was standing before her, gun in hand minus her trademark smirk.

"Sarah," Carina started. "I don't know how you did this. But you and Chuck won't be escaping."

"Carina, don't do this." Sarah warned. She had put her gun into her waistband under her shirt. All she had to do was reach behind her and pull it out quicker than Carina could shoot. Not that easy.

"You won't make a fool of us. It's time for you to help CHAOS. We _have _to stop this corruption."

Sarah's hand ever so slowly began to creep behind her. Carina would probably spot the trick, but maybe she was so messed up right now that Sarah could get an advantage.

"It won't bring him back." Sarah responded. "He's gone."

"You think I don't know that?"

"Carina, don't do this." Sarah repeated. _Almost there. _

Carina started coming towards Sarah, her gun still raised. "Stop going for your gun." she ordered.

_Dammit. We'll have to do this the hard way. _Sarah suddenly tackled Carina, catching the brunette so off guard the gun clattered to the floor across the hall. Even before they hit the ground Carina was placing punches and kicks on Sarah. The blonde only grunted with each blow. She had to stop Carina now, and quickly.

They landed on the metal floor and despite the pain of their landing began their assaults on one another. Carina sent a fist towards Sarah, who caught it and sent her own punches at Carina. The _crack _of Carina's nose as Sarah's knuckles connected with it gave Sarah a small hint of satisfaction. She'd said she'd break her nose.

Carina let out a pained moan and Sarah pulled her gun out of her waistband, aiming at the groaning woman beneath her.

"I told you not to do it." Sarah stated. As much as she tried, she couldn't pull the trigger. She couldn't kill the person who'd saved her life so many times. She brought the butt of her pistol up and smacked it against Carina's skull with enough force to knock the woman out cold. Sarah stood quickly and started for Chuck again. Thankfully, the device Bryce had given her wasn't destroyed in the tussle.

Finally making it to the holding cells, Sarah began to open doors looking for Chuck. It seemed there were no other prisoners but Chuck. When she finally opened Chuck's door, he looked at her in shock.

"Sarah, how did you get out?"

"Bryce," Sarah replied. "Come on!" She took Chuck's hand as she started for the exit.

"Where's Emily?"

"Bryce is taking her out of the facility. I came to get you."

"Thank you,"

"Like I'd forget you, Chuck? Never." .

They passed Carina and Chuck cast Sarah a questioning look. "She attacked me. I couldn't kill her." Sarah explained.

They continued running and coming up to the exit, found Bryce waiting with several other armed men in military gear.

"Thank God you two made it. I was worried." Bryce allowed a thin smile to cross his face.

"What about Smith?" Chuck asked.

"He's been arrested." One of the armed men replied. "We found his female accomplice in a hall, out cold. We're taking her in too. All the CHAOS agents here are either dead or on their way to a nice CIA detention facility."

Only now did Sarah begin to breathe easily. Maybe this wouldn't turn out so bad after all. "Where's Emily?" She asked Bryce.

"Safe. She's on her way to get some medical help right now. Colonel Yuen will take us there." Bryce replied.

Sarah looked at Chuck, and found him already facing her. He took her hand and they followed Bryce to their freedom.

* * *

_Everyone is changing _  
_There's no one left that's real _  
_So make up your own ending _  
_And let me know just how you feel _  
_'Cause I am lost without you _  
_I cannot live at all _  
_My whole world surrounds you _  
_I Stumble then I crawl_

…

Emily awoke to a white room. Her vision was so blurred that she couldn't really make out faces. Just figures and shallow sounds. She saw several of the figures draw close to her and she thought two of them were her parents. Emily knew that there was something she was supposed to remember about them, but couldn't quite grasp it at the moment. She felt like she'd been pounded over the head repeatedly with a blunt object.

More voices. "Is....alright?" It sounded like a woman. Her mother?

"Trauma...she...ne...rest. You....go."

The thing she noticed most about the figure closest to her was the color white. Was he her doctor? He was doing something beside her, but she couldn't tell what.

Suddenly her eyelids became heavy, and she quickly fell back into a dreamless, black sleep.

* * *

_You could be my someone _  
_You could be my scene _  
_Know that I will save you _  
_From all of the unclean _  
_I wonder what you're doing _  
_I wonder where you are _  
_There's oceans in between us _  
_But that's not very far_  
_… _

Again Emily woke, but this time there was a difference. The cloudiness was gone, replaced with sharp clarity. She remembered more. A white room, a computer...the pain…then darkness. Her mother and father calling out to her.

How did she get here? Was this a CHAOS installation? Did they get rescued? Hope rose in her but quickly fell as she realized how foolish thoughts of rescue were. Where were her parents now? Where was the man who'd she assumed had been tending to her?

She was still deeply fatigued. Whatever that picture had done to her had really messed her up. She hadn't expected it to hurt so badly. Did that mean she failed? Surely there was no way a successful test would've been so painful.

She lifted her head and groaned as a wave of dizziness came over her. She had a bad headache and felt the pain pounding away behind her eyes. She laid her head back down and closed her eyes and was relieved to feel some of the pain abate.

She wanted to see her parents. That thought prevailed over all the others. She _had _to see them. She wanted answers.

Then, suddenly, she realized. Since she had to have failed the test, Smith had said she could go home. Did he already take her parents away from her? Were they gone? No, that couldn't happen to her! She had to see them one more time! She had to tell them she was okay, that she didn't hate her mother, and let her Dad know that she was going to take care of herself! Smith couldn't do this to them!

She sat up, wincing at the sharp pains that shot through her skull. She had to get up, she had to do _something. _She scooted towards the edge of the bed and started to pull out the IV attached to her arm.

"Emily, stop!" A voice called out to her and Emily brought her head up to see Chuck standing in the open doorway.

"Dad," Emily breathed out in relief. Chuck hurried over to her and wrapped his arms around her.

"Hey, hey," he began, "You've got to lie back down. You couldn't handle the test. You've been out for a couple days." He gently pushed her back to a laying position and grabbed a nearby seat, placing it beside the bed.

"What happened?" Emily asked, her eyebrows knitting together in frustration and pain.

"It's a long story. But long story short...we're in a CIA compound."

Emily stared at Chuck in disbelief. "What? How – ho – we escaped?"

Chuck nodded. "Apparently, Bryce had a trick up his sleeve. Some kind of special bug that sent out his location to Hardy that is undetectable by most sensors. Hardy couldn't get help for us there before your test, but they came, and we escaped. Smith, Carina, all those other CHAOS agents…they're in jail. We're safe now."

Tears of relief came to Emily's eyes. Finally, after all that hell, they were okay now. They wouldn't have any more to do with CHAOS. "We can go home?"

"Well, not yet. They're going to thoroughly clean our house before we can go there. Just to ensure no bugs were placed there." Chuck stood and kissed Emily's forehead. "Now sleep with peace. We're all fine."

"Where's Mom?" Emily asked.

"She's around. She's no longer an agent." Chuck said, his eyes going to the floor and he seemed to be pondering something.

"Can I see her?"

"You should sleep…"

"Dad…"

"I promise you'll see her. For now close your eyes, I'll bring Sarah in soon. I promise."

Emily smiled just a bit. "Dad?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you,"

"I love you too, Em. Now rest."

Emily closed her eyes, finally feeling peace. Her sleep came much easier.

* * *

_Can you take it all away  
Can you take it all away  
When ya shoved it in my face  
This pain you gave to me  
Can you take it all away  
Can you take it all away  
When ya shoved it my face_

…

Sarah came up to the door to Chuck's room just as Chuck was coming out. "Have you seen Emily?" the blonde asked. She'd just finished what she hoped would be her last briefing with Hardy for the rest of her life. She was shedding her CIA "skin".

"Yes. She's good. Still in a bit of pain and she looks exhausted. She is recovering really well. CIA doctors are really good at their jobs, I'll give them that." He paused. "She wanted to see you."

"I just finished finalizing the release of my contract." Sarah replied. "Is she sleeping now?"

Chuck nodded, "Yeah. But she wanted me to wake her up when you were able to visit."

"Well, how about I pay her a visit now. Then she can sleep through the rest of the night."

"She'd like that," Chuck agreed. Sarah started towards the location of Emily's room, and Chuck put a hand on her arm.

"Sarah," Chuck began. "One more thing."

Sarah looked at him questioningly. "Yeah?"

He pressed his lips against hers and Sarah's breath was taken away.

* * *

**So this isn't the end yet, but I hope that you were happy with this chapter. Review as always, please, cause I love those :-) You guys are great, and thanks for reading this. I'll have the next chapter ready really soon! **


	18. Iris

**So this chapter was sitting in my computer and was just dying to be published lol. I hope you guys enjoy this installment. Thanks to Wepdiggy for beta editing and Jimmy for reading this over. Thanks guys! :D**

* * *

_And I'd give up forever to touch you  
Cause I know that you feel me somehow  
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be  
And I don't want to go home right now  
And all I can taste is this moment  
And all I can breathe is your life  
Cause sooner or later it's over  
I just don't want to miss you tonight _

…

Sarah's footsteps echoed through the empty hall as she made her way towards the cell of a certain CHAOS agent. After all the trouble he'd given them, it was time for some payback. As she reached the door to the cell, a man led her to another room next door. It was a small square shaped room, with a window into Smith's cell. He was strapped to a chair, with a dead look in his eyes.

The sight of the man made Sarah's blood boil. She wanted to slam his head into the concrete walls and leave him broken in a pool of his own blood. He'd hurt Emily. He'd hurt Chuck. He'd hurt Bryce. He'd hurt Sarah. He'd convinced Carina to forsake all her oaths to the country and imprisoned them all. She had never hated a single person more than the one she was looking at right now.

"I want a minute with him," Sarah told the guard who was standing with her.

"Only authorized personnel are allowed in there." He replied.

"This man imprisoned my whole family and sent my child into a two day coma after putting her through torture." Sarah paused, turning to look the man in the eyes, her own blue ones ablaze. "I'm authorized."

She wasn't lying when she said he put Emily through torture. First, it was emotional, then he'd hurt her with that damned Intersect and wouldn't stop. Yes, she was fully authorized to –well --handle some business.

The man studied her face for a moment. "I have a family too," was all he said as he gave Sarah a card to the cell door. "Bring it back." He said motioning at the card. "I'll give you four minutes." He turned and left the room.

Sarah took a deep breath and made her way to the cell door. Sliding the card through the slot and putting her hand on the door handle, she wondered exactly how far she'd let herself go with this. She wouldn't kill him, as much as she wanted to. At least...she didn't _plan _on ending his miserable existence.

He didn't bring his head up to look at her as she entered, and she confidently walked towards the former CHAOS leader. "Nice cell," Sarah commented. Smith continued to look down.

"But if it were up to me, there wouldn't be enough of you left to hold anywhere." Sarah added.

No reply.

That irritated Sarah. If he wasn't going to acknowledge her presence, she'd make him.

* * *

_And I don't want the world to see me  
Cause I don't think that they'd understand  
When every thing's made to be broken  
I just want you to know who I am  
… _

As Sarah opened the cell door and stepped out, one could still hear the pained groans of the individual inside. She stepped right up to the guard and placed the bloody key card back into his hands and left without a word.

Now she felt back in control. She'd fulfilled all of her promises and in the end, her family was safe. She made her way to the nearest bathroom, noticing how empty the halls were.

Washing the blood from her hands, she barely heard the door open, barely saw the shadow pass through the opening. Despite the fact that they were completely safe, Sarah still felt a prickle of fear at the base of her neck. Her hands were soapy and still covered in blood, as was the sink.

"Sarah! What happened?" Chuck came forward into the light of the bathroom and Sarah inwardly sighed with clouded relief. Would he approve of her methods of revenge? She hadn't taken his life, she had managed that level of restraint.

"Smith," was all Sarah said. Chuck looked at her strangely. Sarah focused all her attention on her hands. "Chuck, with all he did...I couldn't – I _had_ to do something...he hurt our daughter..."

"Sarah..." Chuck began. "He did do a lot." That was all he said. He didn't chastise her, or say what she did was horrible. He understood. Sarah looked at Chuck through the mirror and nodded. She could tell he'd hardened his heart over the years, and with the pain she'd given him, she wasn't surprised.

She wanted to ask if he'd take her back, the kiss they shared outside his room certainly made it seem so. But after all of this, Sarah wasn't going to be to assume anything. That kiss had been amazing to Sarah; both her and Chuck expressing themselves in a different way than they had with their other one at the safe house. It had left both of them gasping for breath. She still had no idea how long they had stood there.

No, she wasn't going to ask such a question under these circumstances with her washing blood from her hands; it just wasn't right.

Her visit with Emily had been an easy one, despite the fact her daughter looked so worn.

* * *

_And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming  
Or the moment of truth in your lies  
When everything seems like the movies  
Yeah you bleed just to know your alive  
… _

"_Hey," Sarah said quietly as she entered Emily's room. The girl immediately looked up and gave Sarah a tired smile. _

"_Hey, Mom. I'm glad to see you." _

"_I came as quickly as I could," Sarah began, walking over to the chair beside her daughter's bed, but not yet sitting down. "I had to finish up my release from the CIA." _

"_What about...?" Emily pointed at her head, making a little circle with her index finger. _

"_It's gone. While you were asleep it was taken out." Sarah replied. "How do you feel?" _

"_It hurts to sit up still. It's getting better, but I still feel pretty drained." _

"_You'll get better soon, I'm sure." Sarah wanted to take Emily's hand, but she kept her arms by her side. _

"_So, I've been thinking," Emily started. "Since I've woken up, there are things I want to talk about. Things we weren't able to last time." _

_Sarah nodded and took a seat. "Okay," Truth was, she had never gotten comfortable with having talks. Especially the honest ones. But Emily needed some answers, and God knew she deserved them. _

"_You left to protect me and Dad," The sixteen year old started. "But I just want to know...Why did you leave like you did? I've gone sixteen years thinking it was because you were tired of us...tired of me." _

_Sarah shook her head quickly. "No. I _never _saw you that way, Emily. You're my daughter. I care about you." She paused a moment, thinking of the best way to state the rest of what she had to say. "I left like that because I was scared. I was scared they'd take your father away. When I had you, I swore to protect you and I knew that the best person who could take care of you was Chuck. I couldn't let anyone have your father. Also, I was selfish, thinking only of my own pain. I never thought about how the way I departed could continue to affect you two for so long. I didn't come from a family that really thought about others. My dad always took care of me, and I knew he loved me...but he just did his own thing and I had to help him." _

"_You yelled for Dad to take me," Emily didn't sound accusing, her eyes simply seemed to be revisiting that horrible day. _

"_Because if you'd stayed in my arms much longer, I wouldn't have been able to leave." Sarah replied quietly. "I'm very sorry for what I did, Emily. I have no excuse for my behavior except that it was selfish, and I if I could change how I did things, I would have done them very differently. I will never leave you like that again, I swear it. I learned a lot in the ten years I was gone." _

"_I'm going to do my best to forgive you, Mom." Emily replied. "I know you really are sorry. But I went through a lot of pain and I know Dad did too." She paused. "Well, all of us went through a lot of pain I guess." _

"_I'm not perfect, Emily, that's something I will openly admit. I make mistakes just like the way I left you. I'm sorry for all the birthdays I missed, and the stories, and the life experiences. But, I'm going to be around now...and I'd like to give our relationship a shot." _

"_Me too," Emily replied, and involuntarily yawned. _

"_How about you get some more sleep? I'll come back and see you when you're awake again." _

_Emily nodded and drifted off to sleep. _

* * *

_And I don't want the world to see me  
Cause I don't think that they'd understand  
When every thing's made to be broken  
I just want you to know who I am  
… _

"Sarah?" Chuck's voice brought Sarah out of her reverie.

"Sorry, just thinking." Sarah replied and the couple fell silent. Sarah could tell Chuck wanted to talk to her about something. "What is it?" She asked, drying her hands with a towel off the rack. Finally the blood was off and her hands clean.

"I just...nothing." Chuck responded.

"Talk to me, Chuck." Sarah put a hand on his arm.

"Sarah, the day you left you broke my heart," Chuck blurted. "I've been keeping all of this inside for so long I _have _to say it now. You broke my heart. I haven't been the same since. I tried moving on, I tried coping with it...but everyday, living without you, not knowing that you were_ forced_ to leave and thinking you _wanted _to leave...and kissing you, I felt all those old emotions coming to the surface. I wanted to set us straight and tell you how I've been feeling for these years, instead of dancing around it."

Sarah stared into the warm, chocolate brown of Chuck's eyes as she raised the hand on his arm up to his chest. "I know I hurt you, Chuck, I know I ruined the happy life we had. Even things done with good intentions can cause the worst harm. Emily and I have made our peace, and for once in your life, think about yourself, not others. Do you want me back? Can you forgive me? I don't expect forgiveness today or tomorrow, but, can we take that journey together? I want to be with you, I'm not going to lie about that, but can you take me back? I know I don't deserve it, I know I hur -"

"Sarah," Chuck cut in, his arms wrapping around her.

"Chuck, there's something I have to tell you. I want us to have a clean slate. No more lies." Sarah said quickly, the realization of a secret she still had coming to her attention. If she didn't say it now it'd haunt her and if they were going to do this they needed to do it right. Chuck stared at Sarah questioningly, and she wondered what was going through his head.

"Six months after I left, I was assigned a mission." Sarah exhaled deeply. Chuck's arms tightened around her, almost possessively. "It was a seduction," she added quietly, as fear spread through her chest. Would he still take her after this? "I slept with a mark, Chuck. I didn't want to, and I was sick for days afterwards. I refused to do another one, Chuck," Sarah watched his eyes carefully and saw the smallest sign of pain there. She had to make this better. "Chuck, I'm so sor -"

"You slept with another man?" Chuck cut in, heavily. "Why?"

Sarah swallowed hard. "He had connections with CHAOS. I had to retrieve the intel he had."

Chuck's eyes went to the floor. "Did you get the intel?"

"Yes," the word seemed to stick in her throat, and Sarah wondered if Chuck heard her. His mind seemed somewhere else. "But that was the only time, Chuck. I never did it again, and I've never forgiven myself for doing it the first time." She began to pull away, sadly. "I'm sorry. But I understand if you can't forgive me. I told you because I didn't want anymore secrets between us. I don't like keeping things from you." Sarah paused. "And when I hit you, it was only because you struck so close to home. I'm sorry about that too, I shouldn't have done that."

Chuck nodded gently, the pain still visible in his eyes. He began to speak, "I don't know when Emily and I will go home, but I do know one thing...I want you to go with us. We've worked through bigger things before, and we'll work through this too. I appreciate the honesty." He swallowed, as if he was trying to swallow back the pain. His brown eyes held a hardness around them, and yet, he seemed to be struggling to get past what he felt.

Sarah understood Chuck's pain. They had to work things out and they could get through this development too. She felt as if a huge weight had been lifted from her shoulders, and despite the regret she still felt towards what happened, there was a peace that she felt as well. She felt peace because Chuck knew now, no longer did she have her action hanging over her head.

"You don't have to forgive me, Chuck. I understand if you don't want me anymore."

"I want my family back, Sarah. No matter what you've done, I once said I'd always love you. While it really hurts to hear you did that, I'm going to do my best to move past it. I have you in the end, right?" There was just a hint of doubt showing on Chuck's face, as if he weren't completely sure she wasn't going to change her mind.

"Chuck," Sarah started, quietly. "You've always had me."

With that Chuck leaned in and pressed his lips to Sarah's. Their mouths began a slow rhythm that their bodies had never forgotten, even after so long. Sarah brought her hands into Chuck's hair, tugging gently at the ends as his hands pulled her closer to him. It had been so long...and yet it still felt like Sarah had been doing this her whole life. It felt like freedom. It felt like love. It felt like comfort.

It felt like _home_.

Their surroundings seemed to disappear around them, and neither one cared that they were in a bathroom; they only saw, tasted and felt each other. One word beat again and again through Sarah's head. _Chuck. _This was her Chuck.

Slowly, they pulled away from each other, breathing hard. Their eyes met and the intensity of their moment left both without words. Chuck took Sarah's hand, and Sarah knew then; everything would be alright.

"Come home, Sarah_._" Chuck's words filled her ears and she felt her lips tug up into a small smile.

_I already am home. _

* * *

_I don't want the world to see me  
Cause I don't think that they'd understand  
When every thing's made to be broken  
I just want you to know who I am  
… _

A black car stopped in front of Chuck Bartowski's house. The day was windy but gently warm and the streets were quiet, save for an occasional car horn in the distance. Two doors opened and a girl who looked about sixteen hurried out of one. She paused on the sidewalk and a smile crossed her lips as she examined the pretty home.

A tall, dark haired man stepped out of the other, turning and waiting for the next passenger to join him in the street. As the blonde exited and stood to her full height beside the man, both shared a quick smile, a new understanding and love passing between them.

The girl turned and waited for the couple to join her. As the man and woman reached her, the man took the blonde's hand and wrapped an arm around the girl. Together they entered the house and to an onlooker it would appear nothing special, but to the trio walking, this was very special.

This was their new beginning.

_I just want you to know who I am  
I just want you to know who I am  
I just want you to know who I am  
I just want you to know who I am  
… _

* * *

S**o what did you think? Has IBA lived up to your expectations? Was it disappointing to you as a reader? I'd love to hear what every one thought of this story as a whole, even if it's just "Good job on the story" or "That was so horrible I regret I wasted time on it" lol. Thanks for reading, guys, and to everyone who helped me along the way. IBA was a lot of fun to write, but now it comes to a conclusion. I hope you guys enjoyed this and like what I did with this story, it was all you readers that kept me writing so thanks for sticking by this fic! :-) **

**Starbuck, out. **

**P.S. There will be a short epilogue coming soon. **


	19. Epilogue

**So here's the epilogue. I really worked on it, and sorry about the delay! Hopefully this works as an end for you, but if you hate it, you can pretend it never happened, lol. The beauty of epilogues :-)**

**Thanks go to Jimmy for helping _a lot _during the fic, his input was invaluble! **

**Thanks to Wepdiggy for constantly keeping me in line and giving his excellent beta skills! **

**Thanks to Yokaputo for saving my butt a few times and coming to the rescue on this last chapter, lol. I can't thank any of them enough :-)**

**Hope you like this!**

* * *

**Emily**

So that's our story; and as I sit here by the TV, on New Years Eve, three years (four at midnight) after that adventure, I realize how happy I am now. I have a mother, a father, a brother (another Bartowski accident. Apparently we all come by our accident prone natures honestly), an Aunt, Uncle, and two great cousins. What more could I want? Oh, to finish college at UCLA, that would be nice.

We stayed at Aunt Ellie's house overnight per her request. It had been a lot of fun, getting to see my cousins again. Since moving on campus I rarely saw them anymore. It was also wonderful to hang out with Chase, who (and we all agreed) was Chuck junior.

Since coming home from our imprisonment by CHAOS, things have been good, difficult at times but good. We all did our best to assimilate to this new life of ours. For one, I had been used to being the woman of the house, and naturally, Mom and I found ourselves butting heads regularly. But I'd never once come close to regretting her being home, I was always so grateful to simply have a mother.

I'd never seen Dad happier. It was easy to see the love between him and Mom. In their looks, in the way they always held hands, and even in the way they argued. If we'd learned one lesson from all that had transpired three years ago, it was to cherish every moment with those you love, even when you dislike them.

Now, it was hard to imagine Mom was ever gone, or that she left such a pain in the wake of her absence. The family was complete. Pure happiness, an emotion that had been rare if even existent for ten years, had flooded back and filled our days ceaselessly. Chase added an extra element of happiness that I'd never experienced before as well. I guess me and Chase are living proof that not all accidents are bad ones.

The thought gives me a smile, and I look at my mother, who talking easily with Aunt Ellie. I don't know exactly what my mom told my aunt, but whatever it was had brought forgiveness from the woman who'd been my mother for years. I still saw her as a mother figure too, that was something that would never change.

My eyes go to Ellie, that same smile still gracing my lips. As Chase squeals and tugs at my arm, I turn my head and grin as he points at the TV, he can feel the excitement in the air near the dawn of the new year.

**

* * *

**

**Ellie **

It's been three years since Sarah's return. I still can hardly believe she's back sometimes. I've forgiven her now, once she told me the _true _story of her and Chuck's relationship and why she left. I don't know all the details, simply because some are classified, but I know enough to understand why Sarah left.

If I had been in Sarah's shoes, I would have left too. Not in the way she did (but I can see she's earned her forgiveness with Chuck and Emily), but I would have left too. As a mother and wife, I can grasp exactly what went through her head and why she acted as she did. It doesn't make her faultless, but I understand it. How could I judge her intentions?

Sarah had gained my forgiveness. I could tell when she returned she was intent on earning it, by the way she remained as open and honest as she could. We made our peace as well as we could. Now, sitting beside her, it's almost like she's always been a part of the family, and I know we all enjoy having her back. Even my boys have commented on how nice it is to have Aunt Sarah back.

I wouldn't change it for anything, and as we all sit around the TV, I find myself smiling as I watch each individual interact with one another. We're all excited to see what this new year brings.

I had watched Chuck come back to life. Before Sarah's return he was only half a person, simply going forward for Emily. But with Sarah back, I saw the light in his eyes return and he rarely stopped smiling now. I loved seeing him happy, and his joy had increased when Chase had been born. He said he and Devon were the luckiest men in the world. Sarah and I weren't inclined to disagree.

Sarah had brought happiness back to the family. I look at the blonde sitting beside me, she's laughing at Chase's reaction to something on the TV. I smile, realizing how much I had missed my sister in law while she was gone.

* * *

**Sarah **

I've loved every moment I've spent with my family since returning. We had problems at the beginning, but we worked through them all. When you are getting a second chance with a person you've barely had a _first_ chance with, little things don't bother you for very long. I take Chuck's hand and look at him with a smile, before returning my gaze to the small brown haired, brown eyed, miniature of Chuck that was our son. He grew everyday, and I felt a small satisfaction, knowing I would get to see this one grow up. I look at Emily, and hoped that there isn't any resentment there because of that.

But seeing her watch Chase, I can't detect a hint of resentment. She loves him. As much as I love them both.

Coming home had been trying in certain areas. The "Ellie" area, especially. The next day after coming home, Chuck and I went over to the house. Chuck explained to Ellie that I had come back, and I needed to tell her something. The hostility from his sister had been so intense I hadn't been able to look her in the eye. Chuck had then left because I asked him to. I had wanted to talk to Ellie on my own.

As I told my sister-in-law the details, slowly the anger began to fade away from the corners of her eyes and the fire inside them dim. She knew I was telling the truth. Everything fit. The way Chuck and I danced around each other for two years, the way I left, why I came back and Chuck and Emily disappeared. Ellie knew...but most of all, after our talk, Ellie not only knew, Ellie _understood. _

Getting acceptance from Devon and my nephews hadn't been extremely hard. Chuck told Devon the story, and how I was home for good now and Devon welcomed me back. He was just happy Chuck finally had someone again.

I look at the clock. _11:53. _Only eight more minutes before we all enter my fourth year of being back. I grin as I once again think about how I'll never miss another day of their lives. I'll always be with them now.

I haven't seen Bryce since the day before we left the CIA compound. I'd been in my room, and he'd come by to say one last goodbye. Then he'd disappeared, and I have never seen him again, and most likely never will.

I had gone to see Carina once more, not able to contain myself. I had to see the person who'd betrayed me one last time. She showed me something, too. Being separated from the ones you love, whether by death, choice, or design, only made one bitter and angry. I had increased my resolve to never become a Carina.

Chuck can tell I am thinking of the past and gently bumps me with his shoulder. The smile I receive when I look at him is infectious, as I have to return one of my own.

**

* * *

****Chuck **

I'd never been happier. I finally had everything I thought I'd lost back with me and this time, it was here to stay.

The clock reads 11:58 and I smile. Entering our forth year back together, I still can't get enough of Sarah, or my children. Everything I'd been through in my life had taught me to cherish what's special. I wouldn't trade my family for anything in the world. Ever.

11:59. The excitement builds and Chase is grinning from ear to ear while Emily tickles him. She is a great sister.

I look back at Sarah and slowly wait for the the countdown to start. The TV shows Time Square, and I look at it briefly before my eyes meet my wife's again. We renewed our vows, shortly after she returned. We had already recommitted to one another before that, but we wanted to remind ourselves of the promises we had made on our wedding day.

I squeeze her hand and lean over to whisper in her ear that I love her. I tell her at least once a day. I never want her to forget. I do the same with Emily and Chase. Life is too short for them to doubt for even a moment the fact I love them and will protect them. They are what matters to me.

"I love you, Chuck." Sarah whispers back and I hear the countdown start. 10, 9, 8, 7...Sarah and I smile at each other, preparing for our "New Years kiss". Emily holds Chase close and they both count down on their fingers. "6, 5, 4," Emily counted aloud. "3, 2, 1!"

I lean down and press my lips against Sarah's, the softness of her lips and the warmth of her tongue as it gently presses against mine fill my senses. Right then, all my attention was on Sarah. We seem to both remember the other occupants of the room at the same time, as we slowly pull away. That kiss was too intense to be kept PG very long.

I smile shyly and feel a light blush grace my cheeks. I stand and go over to my children, grabbing Chase up and pretending I am going to drop him into Emily's arms. He laughs the whole time, and the trust I see in his eyes is all the reward I need for the night. Grinning, I look at Emily and give her a kiss on the forehead. "Happy New Year, sweetie."

I look at Sarah one last time, and I see the promise of more of that kiss in her eyes. Yes, I truly believe my life can't get better. This is as good as it gets.

As the family begins to give hugs, I realize I have not only my family, but I have my sister and hers as well. I also have great friends. Morgan and Anna suddenly enter the house. They were supposed to sit through the countdown with us, but are offering apologies because Morgan just had to stop by some brand new comic store on their way and unfortunately had lost track of time. Their own children follow in, and I wonder just how in danger Morgan's life was right now. From the looks he was getting from Anna, I would suggest greatly so.

As I realize Morgan has a very rare but a favorite comic book of mine, I have to talk with him about it and we as soon communicating in fluent nerd-speak and enjoying ourselves. The others just shake their heads at us and laugh.

Yes, it took a lot of pain to get here. But even Sarah's departure had turned out for the best, through that, we had all learned how to love, really love. This was what family was about. I wouldn't change anything about what I had now.

The road to healing is a bumpy and painful one, but at the end, when you look back at your footprints, where you'd been, every misstep, every stumble, every fall...you realize that every agonizing step was worth it.

And on this journey, I had never truly been alone, for by my footprints, was a whole other set.

* * *

**So it was short, but like I said, I hope you enjoyed it. Review, let me know what you thought. Thanks for reading this guys!**


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